A Guide to Children’s Culture for Adults Out of Touch With Reality: What Is “heroin at the Gas Station”?

When I was younger, I swore that I would never end up being a clueless old jerk with no idea what was going on in the world, but today I realized it was time to give up on that dream. I mean, the viral video this week broke me. Even though my job is literally to understand what young people are doing, I can’t think of a single reason why millions of kids watched this stupid video . But they are. Luckily, I still understand why young people watch Jury Duty, get caught up in fast food conspiracies, and take drugs that make them feel like they just hit heroin.

Everyone is watching “duty of the jury”

In media surprise news: A comedy/reality show from the relatively obscure streaming service Freeeee is the new hot news this week. Jury Duty viewership is apparently largely thanks to TikTok, where #jurydutyonfreevee has over 218 million views and continues to grow – numbers the marketing departments behind HBO Max’s big-budget shows are willing to kill for. The premise of Jury Duty is a throwback to the classic reality shows of the past: a real person is placed in a fake jury trial for a fake trial; there is fun and embarrassment. The show is perfect for small internet clips and conceptually falls into the sweet spot of a post-truth moment. Also, he highlights the unique talents of the Los Angeles improvisers, which is really funny, and in the middle of it all, just a handsome man.

TikTok gives terrible diet advice

It’s frustrating that the same generation that is loudly pro-body-acceptance is simultaneously spreading the worst weight loss advice imaginable. It’s hard to imagine that one app can contain so many bad #diettok diet tips , so I’ll focus on one thing: videos promoting unwise and unhealthy ways to lose weight fast. These videos usually offer “advice” that boils down to fasting, losing weight, or just plain old fashioned lies. Watch this video touting “probiotic” as a way to lose seven pounds in one week. Sure, it could technically “work”, but it’s a bad idea and will mostly result in water weight loss. Not only is TikTok all about terrible advice—there are plenty of sensible suggestions mixed in with snake oil—but the whole concept of dieting is dubious, as this article by Lifehacker’s Beth Swarecki explains. I guess I was hoping that the younger generation wouldn’t fall into the same traps as us.

Who is Stallion Jordan and why does he know all the secrets of McDonald’s?

Speaking of junk food, TikToker Jordan The Stallion is building a TikTok and Instagram empire on a simple idea: become the self-proclaimed head of the Fast Food Secrets Club by exposing the skeletons in the cabinets of various chain restaurants. As of now, over 9 million people follow him on TikTok alone, craving for insider meals at McDonald’s, Dominoes , Krispy Kreme and more. Most of what he shares isn’t all that secret, but his whispered, conspiratorial tone makes you feel like you’re getting privileged information or part of an underground cabal dedicated to bargains and cheap food. Jordan says it’s such a good thing that fast food companies have started contacting him – maybe to find out how he knows what he knows, or to feed him “secrets” they want to reveal so more people come. to order their terrible food. .

What is “zombified”?

We’ve all heard of ghosts – when a potential romantic partner disappears without explanation – but have you ever been “zombified”? The term was coined by singer Marielle Darling: “Have you ever been visited by ghosts but they keep coming back? It’s called being zombified,” she explains .

Darling’s first video describing the term went a little viral, so she really gets into it diligently , repeating a few sound bites in several videos and even writing a song about it . It’s a terrible song and the whole thing is very annoying. I hope I never hear that word again, and I say it as a big fan of George Romero. But if the term catches on, it’s a cultural epicenter: the moment when the first human became infected with the undead.

New drug warning: “heroin at the gas station”

In my day we smoked weed and drank cheap vodka and we were happy about it, but today’s kids take tianeptine. The substance is not approved by the Food and Drug Administration, but because it is sold as a supplement, it is easy to get everywhere except Michigan, Minnesota and Alabama. An antidepressant, tianeptine is supposed to have similar effects to hard drugs, hence the nickname “heroin at the gas station”. Like its namesake, tianeptine can lead to abuse, addiction, overdose, and death, at least that’s what the FDA says.

“There is absolutely no understanding of dosage,” Dr. Kirsten Smith, a researcher at the National Institute on Drug Abuse, told NewsNationNow. — It is not approved for any medical use. And it is absolutely not approved as a dietary supplement. In fact, it is indeed on the FDA’s list of substances of concern.” Anyone who remembers the days of over-the-counter sage is well aware that these words are music to the ears of stupid teenagers.

Viral video of the week: one, two, zip up your shoe

Sometimes videos go viral for reasons no one understands. Blame it on the mysteries of an almighty algorithm or the positions of the stars, but this week the kids are sharing a short TikTok that features riffs on the children’s song One, Two, Buckle My Shoe, which you probably remember from kindergarten. I am very, very far from the demographic that can tell the difference between this particular kid ( EdmondX ) saying something stupid in a video and hundreds of thousands of other kids saying something stupid in a video on any given day. But as of now, Edmond’s video has over 50 million views on TikTok, and the others have about 9. Something about his high-pitched trill and the goofiness of his “joke” makes young people all over the world watch, share and create memes. but what is it ? Life is often mysterious.