How to Wean Parents From Bad Money Habits, According to Lifehacker Readers
Your parents learned how to handle money in a different time . A distant time when it was more realistic to buy a house , a car , or even, you know, eggs . Even if your parents have good intentions, their money wisdom can at best hold you back and at worst harm your financial well-being. Last week , we asked you to share all the unexpected financial habits you had to learn from your parents. Here’s what Lifehacker readers have done to break the cycle of bad habits in their lives.
Finding It’s OK to Treat Yourself
One of the most common money attitudes that is internalized is a strong sense of guilt about spending money on something that is not strictly necessary, even if you can actually afford it.
The life hacker reader of Triflers need not expand on how they have struggled to overcome the notion that “spending any amount of money on yourself for your own pleasure is selfish, futile, and wasteful.” Now they say they plan to “spoil themselves” with luxury items “because sometimes money is needed simply to improve one’s own existence.”
If you find yourself wracked with guilt over a little indulgence, reader Maltius adds practical advice for including “crazy money” in your budget: “The trick my wife and I do is to set aside a fixed amount out of every paycheck. to our own accounts. and the rest goes to the general account. Regardless of what happens to our paychecks over time, regardless of the pay gap, we end up with a fixed amount of “crazy money”. The joint account pays the bills, and of course we spend money from the joint account on ourselves, but if we ever feel guilty about spending, we can use our crazy money without judging each other.”
Realizing that money doesn’t always solve
According to LoremIpsum010101 , the most common “wisdom” our parents cling to is the idea that “cash is everything”. The best way to get rid of this habit? Start small: “Invest in your 401k and watch it, or invest 10% of your savings in an index fund like Vanguard. Once you get over the idea that your money is not gone and actually see it grow over a long period of time, you can force yourself to make your money work.”
In the same vein, many of us have inherited our parents’ strong aversion to credit cards. Reader AguY explains that it was only after discussing finances with a close friend that they were able to learn how to use credit cards to their advantage. “The most important lesson was to never go close to the card limit, only spend what I knew I could afford to pay monthly, and use a program that links all my accounts in one area that is easily accessible.”
Overcoming fear of bills
LKPNYC explains that since they never had enough money to pay all the bills each month, their single parent just didn’t open most of the accounts. This understandable but fear-based reaction led to debt collection, property confiscations, and so on. As a result, according toLKPNYC , they did not open accounts as adults due to the same anxiety they had as children.
How they solved this problem: “I had to start by asking a good friend to open one very scary email/warning for me and read it first. I realized that it’s much better to call and say, ” I know I owe it, but I can’t pay in full, what can we do” than to just ignore it and hope in vain that it will go away. It will never go away and will only exacerbate the problem. A difficult/embarrassing phone conversation is always better than denial.”
Opening a conversation about money
Lifehacker reader Silverwing548 shares his experience of growing up with divorced parents in vastly different financial situations. This resulted in mixed messages about spending and saving. Worst of all, they just felt like they didn’t know anything about healthy money habits. They are now “putting more effort into getting my daughter involved in our money talks, so it’s not some secret secret that she’s completely self-taught as an adult like me.”
After all, our parents are mere mortals. Their approach to money was probably far from perfect, and it’s important to take stock of what habits and mindsets are worth the effort to overcome. Fortunately, there is a good chance that your finances are not as bad as you think . Remember to be patient with yourself – unlearning our parents’ habits is no small feat, whether we’re talking about money, companionship, love, and all that good stuff.