A Guide to Children’s Culture for Adults Out of Touch With Reality: Why Does Everyone Hate “Velma”?
Whether it’s the triumphant(?) return of the Pink Sauce meme, potentially deadly frozen treats, or the battle between the internet and Waffle House, this week’s kids’ report is all about food. There’s food for thought as we ponder why everyone hates Velma so much, and look into a glorious future where robots take over the Earth and oil and transistors are the only food.
What’s wrong with Velma ?
Since we all live in isolated ideological echo chambers, it’s nice when something nonsensical comes up that we can all argue about. This week it ‘s HBO’s Velma , an adult-oriented spin-off of Scooby-Doo starring the voice of Mindy Kaling. The cartoon sits at 52% on RottenTomatoes , with an audience rating of 6.2 out of 10, so right in the middle. However, much of the online discussion is about hating Velma . Some on the right see the show as showcasing a performative “awakening” that is racist towards white people, while some on the left see the show as deliberately unfunny to make the awakening look stupid (or something like that). But the main problem with Velma , across the ideological spectrum, is the complete absence of both Scooby and Doo – the famous talking dog who is also high is nowhere to be seen on the show.
This, and the fact that none of the characters seem even remotely based on the original series, has led some to speculate that the series was never meant to be about Velma. There is a rumor/conspiracy theory that it started life as a different show and they used names and superficial imagery from the Doo-verse to get people to watch it. Despite the complaints, the show was reported to have aired extensively, and I doubt anyone at HBO cares how much of those streams involved hate viewing. ( Spoiler alert : It was Old Man McGillicutty in a mask trying to scare everyone so he could buy the abandoned mine himself.)
Liquid nitrogen snacks are trending, potentially lethal
In my time, if kids wanted to blow clouds of smoke, they would steal a pack of cigarettes from their parents; but these days kids are doing things that can be detrimental to their health . In particular, they eat liquid nitrogen candy (and vaping, I think). The candy, known as “dragon’s breath” or ” tsiki ngebul “ , is reportedly very popular in Indonesia, where 25 children were affected, including two hospitalized. I’m sure you don’t need to know why drinking liquid nitrogen is a bad idea, but just in case, liquid nitrogen is cold enough to burn your flesh, and drinking it can cause suffocation and cold damage to your insides. But that doesn’t stop some adventurers. If you want to know if it’s worth the risk of blowing clouds of smoke out of your mouth and nose, here’s a YouTube video of some people putting themselves in harm’s way with this trick.
Pink Sauce: coming soon to your nearest Walmart store
Speaking of questionable snacks, remember Pink Sauce ? A few months ago, he delighted and/or repulsed people all over TikTok with his bold color and seeming lack of quality control. Well, Pink Sauce is now legal: the neon condiment will hit Walmarts shelves across the country in the coming weeks. TikTok chef Pia’s product, Pink Sauce, was first sold in her private store, and users reported a shocking color mismatch from bottle to bottle, as well as misspelled ingredients on the label, if they were listed at all. My guess is that these issues have been fixed because Pii is partnering with Dave’s Gourmet , the hot sauce company, and Dave’s Gourmet is assuring the world that Pink Sauce will be manufactured and sold “in accordance with FDA guidelines.” in a safe manner.” Food Certified Facility [SQF].” It’s $10 a bottle and yes, I’m going to buy some.
Waffle House vs TikTok
When TikTok and Waffle House go to war, everyone wins. The conflict stems from one of those annoying TikTok “secret menu” trends, where people ask service workers to do this or that stupid thing. TikTok has gone from Chipotle’s ” do-it-yourself ” gaming system to asking Waffle House staff to create an ” I saw it on TikTok ” bacon/pickle/waffle abomination cheeseburger that looks downright disgusting (until 2am when you’re drinking at Waffle House, and it looks delicious .) In response to the trend, at least one Waffle House said “In fact, the customer often gets it wrong” by posting a sign saying “ORDER FROM THE MENU, WE DON’T DO ANYTHING YOU HAVE SEEN”. ON TIKTOK!! I understand that this is probably a huge headache for people who work at Waffle House, but on the other hand, if I owned Waffle House, I wouldn’t tell clients that they can’t get what they want. Apparently, you can make money on waffles with cheeseburgers. Feeling like an insider and ordering the “secret” menu at In-N-Out Burgers is a West Coast tradition, even if everyone already knows about the “secret” menus, and ordering from them actually makes you look like a weirdo.
Viral Video of the Week: Atlas Takes Over
Oh shit son, a new robot just dropped.
If 100 years of sci-fi movies didn’t lie to me, the people at Boston Dynamics will soon be killed by their own creations, but until that tragic day, I’ll watch any robot video they want to post, even if it’s insanely short, a minute long. -one and a half shots of a robot delivering tools to a guy pretending to thresh something. But that’s how Atlas brings him the tools. This video will send you face-first into the uncanny valley as you are forced to remind yourself that the object is not a man in a suit or a special effect. It’s a real goddamn robot , and it seems to be solving a problem in the physical world. I look forward to the day when I am completely replaced by a robot, as I am definitely inferior to the mechanical people of the future. Check it out and tell me you’re not surprised .