What Are the Best Times for Your Children to Go to Bed?

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Every parent knows the vital importance of good sleep – for us, yes, but especially for our children. Adults do not like to be exhausted, but for the most part, we can spend the day on inadequate sleep. However, our children cannot. Their growing body depends on good sleep for their mental and physical health, their ability to focus and excel in school, their general behavior, and their ability to regulate their emotions.

Even so, you may have noticed that they don’t particularly want to go to bed, perhaps out of fear they will miss out on fun things you should do when they fall asleep. In fact, bedtime is often the most hectic time of the day, when their energy levels suddenly spike and their brains are overwhelmed. They have one more question, another book to beg for, and seven more sips of water.

The whole process can be so tedious that you can ditch the traditional bedtime concept altogether, as the desperate parent did before writing Scary Mommy to ask for advice on how to get back on track:

I have three children: 7, 5 and 2. Before going to bed there was such a struggle between quarrels, frustration, whining, 100 questions per child, endless bedding, the inevitable request for water or another pee in front of the bed … I just can’t take it anymore. make. I can not. No matter what my partner and I do, bedtime lasts forever, and with three kids of different ages who all need different things, we feel pulled in many directions. Recently I gave up completely. I let them stay up (with the exception of the two-year-old, who is an absolute bear if she doesn’t go to bed on time), play on their tablets, read books, and just go to bed. when they want.

Most of us can relate to this feeling ( okay, heck, don’t lie down until you collapse! ), But we also know that we should – or should – maintain as constant a daily routine as possible before bed. But how do you know when to go to bed? Answer: it depends on the circumstances. It depends on their age, when they naturally wake up (or should wake up) and on where they are on the spectrum of “aspiring-more-needed-more” or something-with-a little less.

First, let’s start with the recommendations of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, which are also endorsed by the American Academy of Pediatrics :

  • Infants 4 to 12 months old should get 12 to 16 hours of sleep (including naps) on a regular basis to maintain optimal health.
  • Children 1 to 2 years of age should get regular 11 to 14 hours of sleep (including naps) to maintain optimal health.
  • Children 3 to 5 years old should get 10 to 13 hours of sleep (including naps) on a regular basis to maintain optimal health.
  • Children 6 to 12 years old should get 9 to 12 hours of sleep on a regular basis to maintain optimal health.
  • Teens 13 to 18 years old should get 8 to 10 hours of sleep regularly to maintain optimal health.

Since the amount of sleep a baby needs adds up to 24 hours a day, this chart tells us what we already knew instinctively: when our babies get more sleep during the day, they can go to bed a little later at night and be fine. When they start going to bed, you may need to go to bed a little earlier to make up for lost hours.

That’s why when my son stopped naping in kindergarten, it was a mad rush to pick him up, feed him and wash him before he melted completely. But on weekends, he slept luxuriously for a long time and could sleep a little later.

It also depends on whether they get up early by nature or whether they want to sleep, but your school or work schedule means you have to get them out of bed. As with adults, if the alarm needs to be set too early for tomorrow, you are probably better off turning it on too.

Let’s say your three-year-old, who needs 10-13 hours of sleep, usually wakes up around 6:30 in the morning and naps for an hour. Good bedtime is between 6:30 pm and 9:30 pm, but probably closer to 6:30 pm because they are in the younger age group of three to five. Siblings that are close in age — say, within 2–3 years of age — are likely to sleep the same way, since the recommended times vary widely. However, children with large age gaps may need layered bedtime for everyone to get a full rest.

Sure, that doesn’t solve the problem of actually getting them to bed, but Mommy ‘s Scary team had good advice for tightening up that Frazzled parenting routine:

Here’s what you can do. After pajamas and brushing their teeth, each child can ask one question – maybe they will take the time to think about what they really want to ask, instead of bombarding you before bed. Read one chapter of a book that both of your older children will love (Wayside School series, Amelia Bedelia, Captain Cowards, etc.) instead of book after book for each child. Of course, allow yourself to be flexible about things like having to go to the bathroom. But let them fill small cups or bottles with water to carry them to the room in advance, so that it is already there.

Here are some more bedtime tips we’ve offered in the past:

And if all else fails, then you can probably also let your kids sleep and read a little , if that helps them calm down and makes the process a little smoother.

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