Use These ‘Boundary Phrases’ During Unpleasant Conversations
Whether it’s your co-worker, sibling, or small talk stranger, most people don’t overstep boundaries intentionally. (Again, family members know exactly how to push your buttons.) It’s important to set different kinds of personal boundaries —and the first step is to get to know yourself and where you personally draw the line between different behaviors. But it’s one thing to speak up when someone is out of line; how about a more innocuous border crossing? How about a quick obscene joke or a slightly awkward personal question?
In everyday life, you may not have the time or energy to constantly assert your boundaries and engage in potential confrontation. At times like these when the script is unclear, having a few key “borderline phrases” at the ready can help you deal with someone who crosses the line.
Use these phrases to set boundaries in a conversation
In this TikTok, edge trainer and content creator Kami Orange uses “Hmmm. What’s strange to say? as an example of a boundary phrase. Orange also notes that not all phrases apply to every situation or are suitable for every relationship. For example, the phrase ” What a strange thing to ask ” might work when someone asks a question that is too personal, but it might not be enough in the case of a racist comment. You will need to use your judgment before using the autopilot response.
Here are a few examples to get you started building your arsenal of phrases that limit personal boundaries:
- How strange to say.
- I dont have time for this.
- Let’s get back to this in a couple of hours after we both have time to think.
- I don’t have to explain to you.
- This won’t work for me.
- Let me stop you right here.
- It’s not really up for debate.
- I know you think it’s “just a joke” but it’s not funny.
- Why did you say so?
- Why are you asking me this?
- Do you think this is appropriate?
- Could you explain what’s funny about that?
- Thank you for your concern about [x]. I’ll take it from here.
- Maybe we should just google.
Again, the goal here is not to memorize these phrases word for word. It takes a bit of preparation so that you are ready to create space between you and the looming conflict.
When to be silent and when to speak
Sometimes the best tactic is to let your silence speak for itself. If your colleague asks an inappropriate question about your personal life, you may choose not to answer to show that you won’t even get started. If a family member continues to harass you about your career choice, “no comment” can help prevent a nasty fight.
Again, you don’t want your silence to allow the other person to comment. If someone is spreading disinformation or hate, you have a responsibility to report it, even if it’s unpleasant. Some sort of restrictive phrase is better than silence, and the above set phrases will help make sure you don’t get confused or lost in words.