What to Do If Your Toddler Is Not Thirsty
We recently talked about what parents can do if their toddler bites people out of curiosity, frustration, or a need for attention. While some toddlers bite for these reasons, others may transition to blows. Slapping a toddler probably won’t hurt as much as a bite on the arm, but it’s still pretty humiliating and a behavior you want to try to curb as quickly as possible.
But before we talk about how to curb this, let’s talk about why babies suffer in the first place.
Why do babies beat
Some toddlers hit for the same reasons as others – they feel a wave of emotion that they cannot control or convey, they need your attention, or they are testing cause and effect (if I use my body in this situation, what happens next ?). Toddlers can also strike when they are overwhelmed or feel like their space is being invaded, such as when another child snatches a toy from them or crowds them, as children do.
Some children also have sensory sensitivity or a need for sensory information above average, which makes them more likely to push, kick or hit others. If they are sensitive to being crowded by other children, it is helpful to keep them away from overly stimulating situations. If they feel like they need additional sensory information, regular massage or tight hugs can help.
And as Parents.com points out , perhaps the child is simply temperamental by nature:
Some children — less frivolous by nature — are prone to being dribbled by their fists or teeth. “A lot depends on temperament,” explains child psychiatrist Stanley Turecki, MD, author of Problem Child . While some kids will just shrug their shoulders and walk away when someone snatches Elmo out of their hands, others go into street fighting mode.
Okay, now that they hit, what do we do about it?
How to react at the moment
Getting hit by a toddler for the first time (or seeing them hit someone else) can be annoying. But remember that this is developmentally normal, especially for children who are too young to express their emotions or have not yet developed the ability to fully empathize – this does not mean that your child will grow up and become a bully or violent towards others.
To begin with, we know that backstabbing a toddler is never the right response – it sends the message that bumping is how we deal with anger or frustration, which is the opposite of what we want to teach them. Instead, your job is to model non-aggressive ways of communicating, resolving conflicts, and dealing with strong emotions, and this starts with a non-aggressive home environment.
When they do hit, answer immediately and calmly (but firmly) in simple language, for example: “No hitting; the blows hurt. “If they hit another child, exclude them from the situation by reminding them that we do not hit because hitting hurts. You can take a time out for a minute or two to calm them down and then encourage them to apologize to the person whom they hit (they may also want to hug).
If they are old enough to understand, you can tell in simple terms what happened and how they can repeat: “You were disappointed because Joey took your toy away from you. It’s okay to get upset, but you can’t beat. Joey will return your toy to you and you can tell Joey that you will share it with him when everything is ready.
If you hold them and they hit you , immediately put them down so that they begin to understand that you will not let them hit you. Help them put into words how they are feeling while maintaining this boundary: “You are angry. It’s okay to be angry, but I won’t let you hit me because it hurts. “
Encourage the behavior you want to see
Whatever the reason for your toddler’s impact, be it a lack of impulse control, strong emotions, or sensory sensitivity, he will likely need two things: words to express his needs or feelings, and alternative ways to respond in the moment. We can teach our children to use words like “stop” if another child is bothering them and reinforce the idea that they can leave, take a break, or ask their parents or teacher for help.
We must also reiterate that the hands are for help , not pain . Talk about all the ways your hands can help — they can open doors for other people, they can put away toys, they can help carry food bags. Point out any times your child uses his helpful hands (“Wow, your hands are so useful right now!”) And praise generously when you see him resolve the conflict in a positive way or hear him refer to his feelings or needs. They need your attention and would prefer positive variety, so lots of positive reinforcement is key.
Until you are in full control of your strikes, pay attention to their triggers. Once you determine if they hit more often when, for example, they are overly irritated, tired, or not physically active, you can better predict and avoid these situations. If you can not completely avoid them, you’ll know when the most important to hang, so you can quickly intervene if they were still all-or prevent it, inviting them to communicate with words or a couple of times to run back and forth across the playground to release the accumulated energy.
And finally, if you do all of this and they keep hitting – especially when they reach about three years old, or if you notice that the behavior is increasing rather than decreasing – it might be time to talk to their pediatrician. Their doctor may give you other advice or recommend talking to another professional, such as a child psychologist, who can provide further ideas for your particular child and their needs.