How Your Guilt Can Actually Help You
Having made a mistake, feeling guilty is good – it means you have empathy. Sometimes our guilt is self-imposed and unhelpful, such as after you let yourself relax and subsequently don’t feel productive enough . In other cases, guilt is a powerful motivator for greater success in the future, such as after you were unable to make time for your loved ones. After you have properly apologized for what caused that nasty dimple in your stomach, it’s time to get over the guilt and use it as a tool. Here’s how to turn guilt into productive plans for change.
Channel your guilt into a change for the better.
Just like stress can often be a strong motivator to get things done, guilt is a powerful emotion when it comes to making changes. You can offer the most sincere apology of all time, but it means nothing unless you change your lifestyle in the future.
Instead of overly apologizing or curling up in a ball of shame, stick to a plan of action. For example, if the source of your guilt is the fact that you always cancel plans for people, make a plan to stick to your commitments in the future. This means, in the first place, protecting yourself from over-commitment and only scheduling appointments that you know you can do.
Become aware of what is in your power and out of your control
The use of guilt as a motivator applies even to more abstract and complex issues. Take, for example, the guilt associated with white privilege. On the one hand, the initial sense of shame about one’s identity helps to recognize the fact that you have privileges; on the other hand, there is nothing useful in wallowing in self-hatred because of something you cannot control. Here we turn to the words of the writer Bell Hooks : “Privilege in itself is not bad; what matters is what we do with privileges… We must share our resources and provide guidance on how to use our privileges in a way that empowers those who do not have them.”
Accept the parts of yourself that you cannot change, and then turn any discomfort into action. It may look like self-education about where your privileges come from, donations to reputable organizations that help marginalized groups, and speaking out against racism among friends, family or colleagues.
Takeaway
The bright side of guilt is that it sheds light on things in ourselves that we know are contrary to our values. Sometimes guilt lies – for example, you should not be ashamed of setting a necessary boundary. Too often, however, guilt is the result of making a real mistake and is a sign that something needs to be changed in the future.
Guilt can be overwhelming, but once you understand where it comes from, you can use it to grow and change. The key is to take your negative emotions and channel them into actions that are within your control. And if you tend to always feel guilty about things that are out of your control, then you may want to consider exploring those feelings with the help of a professional .