How Your Teenager’s Friendship Can Affect Their Adult Life
Friendship is important no matter where you are in life. Good friendships can enrich your life in many ways by building a support system for people who will be there for you through good times and bad. And as important as friendships are, relationships formed during adolescence are especially meaningful. It is these friendships that can help shape the course of your child’s life, imbuing them with a sense of confidence that can help them better cope with the challenges of adulthood.
“Our sense of identity is formed during adolescence,” says Emily Simonian, licensed family therapist and head of clinical education at Thriveworks . “That includes social identity.”
Why friendships become more important during adolescence
The teenage years are when your kids start to form their identities outside of their immediate family. “In elementary school, you are very attached to your parents,” Simonyan said. “That’s where you get a sense of confidence and security.”
However, as children enter adolescence, external relationships begin to become more important. Good friendships can build feelings of confidence and security. “When strong friendships are formed, your social identity is based on a sense of security,” Simonyan said.
These friendships can also act as a protective buffer, helping to keep your teen safe from difficult times. In a recent CDC report that examined the impact of the pandemic on the mental health of high school students, students who reported close friendships were significantly less likely to experience poor mental health than those who did not. This protective effect included teenagers who were actually connected to others.
Strong friendship is more important than popularity
Friendships formed during adolescence can be especially powerful. Research shows that these friendships can help with short-term and long-term academic achievement , improve mental health in adulthood, and lead to more fulfilling romantic relationships .
When it comes to predicting which teens are more likely to succeed in life, it’s not really about popularity. As Joseph Allen , a University of Virginia psychologist who studies the long-term impact of teen friendships, recently told the Washington Post , “It’s not about who’s the soul of the party. It’s most likely two ninth graders who spend their Friday night sitting in their basement watching YouTube videos and eating cookies, but forming a strong friendship that teaches you the skills you’ll need to grow up.”
How can parents support this friendship?
For parents, the best thing to do in support of these friendships is to step back a bit so that their teens and teens can develop their own sense of identity, which includes forming friendships on their own terms. “You want to give them the opportunity to gain some independence and start developing these close friendships,” Simonyan said.
However, while you want to give them the space they need, “parents can support their teens and their friendships by asking them about their friends to make sure they’re in a respectful friendship,” Simonian said.
If you’re concerned about your teen’s friendships, instead of offering advice, Simonyan recommends asking open-ended questions. “If a teenager doesn’t recognize toxic friendships, which sometimes happens, a parent can help them connect by connecting their experiences and feelings,” she said.