What to Do If Your Toddler Bites
Our young children exhibit many unpleasant habits during childhood, but bites, which not only can leave marks, bruise and break skin, but hurt terribly, is something we all hope our children never learn. … Unfortunately, there’s a pretty good chance they’ll eat someone at some point.
Not all babies bite, but this is a common developmental stage in early childhood. Let’s talk about why and what to do if it did happen.
Why do babies bite
You may be shocked – or embarrassed – when the kindergarten teacher takes you aside for the first time to tell you that little Sammy bit a friend today, or your own hand may fall prey to their anger when it’s time to leave the playground, but they really would rather stay. But this is a fairly common way for children to communicate their emotional needs before they find words to express them.
Toddlers use their mouths to explore the world in a variety of ways – this is how they are best introduced to new toys or other objects. This research can turn into a bite when a child wants to provoke a reaction, often not realizing how painful the bitten is, but curiosity about the cry he receives in response. A bite can also often be triggered by a need for attention or an emotional reaction to something that has happened, as the Nemours Foundation writes :
Frustration, anger and fear are strong emotions and babies lack the language skills to express their feelings. So if they can’t find the right words fast enough or can’t say how they feel, they may bite to say, “Pay attention to me!” or “I don’t like this!”
They will likely outgrow this behavior as their language and emotional regulation skills develop, but still: this is a habit you want to curb as quickly as possible.
How to react at the moment
When a child bites, it is important to respond immediately with a serious and firm voice, but at the same time calm and non-threatening. Use short and simple phrases. (“Don’t bite! The bite hurts.”) If they bite another child, immediately calm him down and wash the area with soap and water.
If the biter is upset that he realizes he has hurt someone, he can be comforted too. Just be careful and don’t pay too much attention if he seems to bite to get it from you. If the child is not yet very verbal, distraction and redirection is usually the best course of action. If they are old enough to use their own words, you can teach them more positive communication methods. As Sydney Ellis writes for PopSugar :
You might say something like, “No thanks! Say what you need with words, ”suggests Dr. [Sarah Levine] Allen [licensed pediatric neuropsychologist and executive director of the Brain Behavior Bridge]. Or you can give them an exact phrase, such as “I want this toy, please” or “please stop hitting me,” and if necessary combine this with a time of tranquility. “Then repeat the skill:“ You were asked to sit here because you bit your brother. Please excuse him. … … Now tell me what you are doing instead of biting. ” The key to the plan is to find the first attempt to use his words in the future. Then add significant praise: “Great job using your words!” – said Dr. Allen.
Positive reinforcement whenever you see behaviors and communication methods that you really want to see is key. Children crave your attention in every way they can, but they would prefer positive variety. So when you can, praise them for playing softly or for using their words to encourage this behavior in the future.
How to prevent its further development
If biting is becoming a habit, try to identify specific triggers for behavior. When you know their common triggers, you can better plan ahead to avoid these situations entirely, or be more mindful when they arise.
If they tend to bite during dates, when they are overly annoyed, or when they are tired or hungry, watch them closely so that you can step in when you notice any escalation. It can also be helpful to keep a log of what happened in the moments before the bite, in order to determine any patterns – time of day, activity, and whether they recently slept or ate.
If the bite occurs primarily in kindergarten or preschool, it is much more difficult to track down, especially if they are in a class with several children per adult. But you can still ask about the circumstances leading up to the incident and brainstorm so the teacher can predict that the bite is about to happen and intervene before it happens.
If your child is about three or four years old and still bites – or bites too hard, or seems to get worse over time – it is recommended that you talk to a pediatrician for his opinion on possible causes and solutions. …