How to Set Boundaries Around Toy Weapons
Many parents don’t like guns – real or toy. So while we may know that playing with imaginary weapons is developmentally normal , our instinct whenever our kids start building weapons out of LEGO bricks or pretend to shoot each other with sticks prompts them to turn off. But guns are part of our reality and a normal part of children’s games, which means it’s important to talk to them regularly about real guns, toy guns, and how to set boundaries while playing.
Talking to kids and other parents about real guns
You might think you can guess which of your friends and neighbors have guns in the house, but we can never be sure unless we ask. Admittedly, this is an awkward conversation with the other parent, but we’ve got a complete guide to help you get started . This is especially important because, writes Amy Morin for VeryWell Family , “numerous studies have shown that even when children are told never to touch a gun, they are more likely to touch a firearm when the opportunity presents itself.” And the consequences can be fatal.”
This, of course, does not mean that you should not talk to your children about guns. It simply means that you will need to keep (and develop) those conversations over time as they get older. For younger children, you can start by showing them images of real guns and toy guys so they can begin to visualize the difference. Emphasize that it can still be difficult to tell each other apart, so if they ever come across any weapon they should 1) not touch it and 2) seek adult help immediately.
As kids get older, they’re probably more familiar with the reality of gun violence, and they might even have a friend who thinks they can handle the family gun “safely” and wants to show it. In such a situation, Maureen advises:
Standing up to friends is a sensitive topic, so think about how your teen can get out of the situation without causing a fuss.
Invite them to say something like, “This is boring. Let’s do something else.” If your child has a friend who offers to show him a gun, teach him to say something like, “Maybe later. Let’s go do something outside.”
Your child does not need to preach or lecture friends about gun safety. They just need to get out of the situation.
The sad reality for parents in the United States is that we have to talk to our kids about school shootings too – here’s our guide to that . And, of course, if you have a gun, you should always keep it securely locked up, even if you always told your kids not to touch it.
How to set boundaries around fake weapons
Some parents make sure that the play guns and squirt guns they let into the house look obviously fake by choosing large neon or foam models. But some parents don’t want even the most obvious toy weapon in their home, so it’s important to keep that in mind when buying gifts for other people’s kids, and always ask permission first.
“In the summertime, kids are usually given toy water guns,” says Chris Drew , an early childhood education expert. “I generally do not recommend giving children toy guns (or taking them with you during games) unless all parents of children agree with this.”
However, if all parents and children agree with them, you can use their presence as a learning moment about consent when it comes to games that involve contact of any kind. When children are playing and pulling out Nerf darts or water guns, make sure everyone playing agrees to be “shot”. You can also agree to ground rules such as “no shots in the face” and “if someone says they’re not playing, they should never be shot at.”
Another good ground rule: if your kids are playing in public, like in a park, and a passer-by is walking by, don’t “shoot” them, even if it’s just pointing at them with a stick and yelling “bang!” They don’t play either. You can also impose some restrictions on the language – instead of “I’ll kill you!” you can encourage creative workarounds such as “I’ll beat you!” or insinuating: “Gotcha!” Drew also suggests rethinking the play. You might be able to “[admire] the way gravity acts on water and the feel of water on your skin, rather than using toy weapons to normalize confrontation and combat.”
If you’re concerned that your young child is too obsessed with guns or violence, talk to your pediatrician. They may recommend evaluation by a mental health professional or refer you to other resources. Another good resource is Boys Alive! an organization that helps parents deal with difficult parenting situations – they have a great series of blogs about kids and guns.