How to Deal With Not Being “adult” Enough
Do you “feel” your age? Our culture, families, and friends help us create an idea of what 25, 40, or 60 should look like, but the truth is that there is no one way to define what a person should achieve. according to the given age. However, you may feel uncomfortable if your perception of yourself doesn’t align with your idea of what an adult should look like at a certain age, but there are steps you can take to help manage those expectations and focus on your reality. .
Here are some things to consider when you don’t really feel like an adult.
Definitions of adulthood are changing
What milestones traditionally mean you’ve become an adult? It is possible to move out of the parental home. Graduated from college, got married, had kids, bought a house. But circumstances such as a volatile economy and a global pandemic have made those gains more difficult to achieve. At the height of the COVID-19 lockdown, more than 52% of young people were living with one or more parents, breaking the record set during the Great Depression. It’s not as easy as once reaching those milestones of adulthood, not to mention you may not even want to (more on that later).
Researchers have taken notice of these changing norms. Psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett has gone so far as to suggest that the period from 18 to 29 should be considered “beginning adulthood,” which he suggested in an article published back in 2000.
“Life statuses are fluid,” explains psychologist and therapist Dr. Barbara Greenberg . “They change all the time… In over three decades of working with people, I can tell you that the only thing you can count on is changes in people’s lives.”
Define your maturity
There is no right or wrong way to be the age you are now. If you are overwhelmed by images of people your age but on a different path in life, unfollow or mute them on social media and focus on identifying what your personal vision of adulthood looks and feels like and how close you are to it. . achieving it. Here are some ways to do it:
- Make a list of things you think you would have done by that age, or things you think a person your age should have done.
- Make a separate list of your real achievements – and be generous to yourself; no achievement is too small. Maybe you don’t have a home, but, for example, you’ve been paying rent for years. Instead, focus on this list.
- Make a list of what you want to achieve in the next five to ten years. Just as important as what you have already done is whether you are on track to achieve your future goals. Keeping your goals in mind when making decisions will give you the confidence that you are constantly on your own path to adult success.
This listing tip can be helpful any time you’re experiencing self-doubt or personal paralysis, whether you’re stressed out about your job or feel like you’re not doing well in your personal life . Try to always remember your victories and goals, whether it ‘s a career change , new meetings with potential partners , buying a property or returning to school . Taking control of the direction your life is headed is the most mature thing you can do. Just make sure the goals you are pursuing are the ones you want. Giving in to pressure because you feel like you have to do something isn’t exactly mature.
Don’t let other people pressure you
Some of the stress you feel about your own adult life (or lack of it) is internal, but it is likely influenced by external sources. Try to identify the forces in your life that make you feel inferior based on your age and accomplishments, whether it’s your family, your social media feeds, or your friends. Remind yourself of the steps you took above and focus on your list of accomplishments and goals rather than your perception of them.
“Dig into yourself and be more compassionate with yourself,” Greenberg said. “Everything will happen as it should happen organically. There is no reason to be defensive because life is full of surprises and everything is constantly changing.”