Smart Ways to Start a Conversation on a Dating App (It’s Not Creepy, Vulgar, or Boring)
After I tweeted a joke and a screenshot of someone texting me on Hinge, I recently read a lot of complaints (mostly from men) that there are only two options when you contact someone- then in dating apps: they ignore you. or be ridiculed.
While I understand this sentiment, I must disagree with this gloomy prognosis. The binary code “ignore” or “ridicule” is false. There are many options for the middle road. With a little thought, you can start a conversation without sounding too boring, too stupid, too cocky, or too creepy.
Many bloggers, myself included , have stressed the need to personalize the messages you send on dating apps. The market is too competitive for the versatile pickups of the past. You need to actually reply to something specific on someone’s profile if you want to start a fruitful conversation.
With that in mind, what is the use of this article? If the advice always boils down to customizing your message on a case-by-case basis, how can I help you? Unfortunately, I can’t snatch your phone from your hands and swipe for you (at least not for free).
However, here’s the thing: we can anticipate a lot of what you’ll encounter on someone’s dating profile. If your ability to judge what’s corny and what’s creepy seems inadequate to you, let the following examples help you recalibrate.
Here are some ideas for the right conversation starter on dating apps, organized around the photos and clues you can find on many profiles.
If they have a concert photo…
A concert photo is usually a downtime to start a conversation. Perhaps you are mistaken when you rush in with an observation instead of a question. Instead of saying something soft like, ” That looks funny ,” try asking something open-ended, like, ” What concert was that? or “ Are there any shows you are looking forward to? If you recognize the venue or the musician, even better.
If they mentioned the number of countries they visited…
Travel photos are the main element of a dating profile. Your instinct might tell you, “ Where was this photo taken? ”, but I encourage you to ask a more open question to start a conversation. As someone who has traveled quite a bit, I would rather be asked where I want to go next than where I have already been. The “crazy travel story” clue doesn’t translate well into the text, often ending with a one-sided “you should have been there” moment. Alternatively, “wish lists” give you plenty of space for fun and flirtatious conversations.
If they have a picture of a fish and/or a link to a picture of a fish…
The good old picture “I caught a fish.” Because of this inevitability, mutual tweets sent me the perfect way to stand out from all the other fish in the sea. In response to a profile request, such as: “If you keep dead fish in your photos, I’m not interested “, you can answer: ” I don’t keep dead fish, but if you want to hold something dead inside, we could cuddle .” It’s the perfect amount of weirdness to stand out.
If you want to compliment their looks…
We are not all looking for a soul mate. Even if you look like someone just because they are hot, you can still be tactful and original. ” Wow, you’re gorgeous” sounds like you copied/pasted this into a hundred profiles before mine. Physical compliments can not only sound impersonal, they can also turn you off very quickly.
Touch hot people the same way you touch someone because of their personality. Revolutionary, I know. If he has a picture of himself looking amazing on a sunny beach, pretend to be humble and text him asking where he went on vacation. Focus on the beach, not the body. You’ll increase your chances of standing out if you can prove that their profile has successfully piqued your interest for less superficial reasons (even if your intentions are superficial).
If their profile made you laugh…
Tell them why. I don’t want to brag, but during the day I received several personal messages like “you seem funny.” Unfortunately, my mind doesn’t know what to do with it other than to say “thank you”. Use the initial compliment as a starting point for a larger conversation. For example, ” This answer reminds me of [my favorite comedian] ” or ” This is hilarious, I’d like to know what shows/movies are making you laugh right now .” Even if you’re grasping at straws, this approach at least gives the funny person something to work with.
Oh, what if you’re a comedian yourself? Play along! Try to build jokes in your profile. Nothing says “love connection” like being able to quote “It’s Always Sunny” back and forth.
If they have a niche meme…
Incorporating a meme into someone’s dating profile is tricky territory. While this can be an effective way to show your sense of humor, it’s not always a productive conversation starter. If there is a “tag yourself” element, grab it and use it. Otherwise, I would have avoided the cuteness of the meme and responded to a different photo altogether. Or use the more general “you made me laugh” approach as described above.
If they say “sarcasm is my second language…”
Swipe left.
At the end of the day: be the coolest version of yourself
You need to be yourself. Blah blah blah. The best way to show your best side is to master the art of “laid-back weirdness.” “Everyday weirdness” describes responses that make you stand out without pushing people away, such as calling yourself dead on the inside, but most importantly, not meaning it .
The takeaway is to actually take the time to work with the specifics of someone’s profile. In this economy, you have to be smart to get someone’s attention. After all, between “hello” and “where have you been all my life, babe” there is a lot of wiggle room. Better to be a little weird than a little boring.