What to Do (and Not to Do) When You’re Sitting Next to an Asshole on a Plane
Recently, I was flying home after visiting a family, and the guy sitting in the aisle a few rows away from me refused to let anyone pass him. He dozed off in his seat and collapsed into the aisle, preventing the drink cart from passing, and the flight attendants had to physically prod him to get through. When the two unfortunates trapped in the middle and the window seats needed to use the toilet, he simply ignored them until they were forced to literally climb over it . Which, to be honest, he took pretty well.
I was expecting a fight, but the couple sitting next to him were heroes who kept fighting, although I wouldn’t blame them if they went berserk on the Aisle Guy. From the minute you arrive at the airport, you may be surrounded by jerks, but there’s something especially horrific about being trapped with them on a ship at 30,000 feet.
But when you’re trapped in a five-hour flight with someone methodically eating one potato every three minutes to keep your mask on, now’s not the time to try to get justice. It’s time to enter survival mode. So, what should you do or not do when someone is acting like a jerk on your flight?
Keep calm and sober
Keep in mind that we are all being scammed by airlines and due to this stress, some people will act edgier than others. Airplane seats are getting smaller and tighter, but airlines are playing us against each other in many ways. They sell us both the space in front of you – our ever-shrinking legroom – and the space behind you – where you recline. In other words, the airline sells the same seat twice and laughs all the way to the bank while we fumes and practice our microaggressions.
First of all, you must face the unpleasant fact that you have very little power. The “rules” about what is allowed and what is not allowed in flight are quite vague when it comes to personal space and behaviour, meaning they don’t really exist. Technically, other passengers have paid big money, just like you, and have the right to do what they want, just like you. They can recline seats, take up armrests, talk loudly, and even take off their shoes and put their feet through the gap between the seats in front of them. Only assholes do this sort of thing, but you’d be hard-pressed to get any sort of official punishment or coercion from the aircrew. And while petty attacks, like kicking an overly reclined seat or throwing water on a bare foot, may seem pleasant, they will also raise the temperature and provoke an escalation in an enclosed space where destruction is a very bad idea. If you don’t want to get into a viral YouTube video, you need to take a breath.
Other flight scenarios where you don’t have power include:
- Naughty children. You are never allowed to punish someone else’s child, no matter how terrible it may be.
- Rude flight crew. If your flight attendant or other flight crew member is a jerk, remind yourself that they are almost all-powerful on an airplane, so just swallow your indignation.
Admitting to yourself that you don’t have power is very liberating because it takes away that sense of responsibility. You should probably also avoid cocktails. While a sip of booze can be soothing and can make an unfortunate flight a little more fun, it can also reduce irritability and cloud your mind. You will be much more likely to have a positive outcome when dealing with rude people if you are sober.
Try negotiation
Then take a step back from your annoyance and remember that your rude neighbor may not be aware of what he is doing. When you are exhausted and embarrassed, it is easy to get angry and jump to conclusions, but reacting with anger immediately is a mistake.
Instead, take a breath and let the person know your discomfort and ask—politely—to change their behavior. Very often, the person who encroaches on your sanity is also tired, embarrassed and simply does not understand. The reminder that they are part of society, combined with a simple request, often produces the desired results without any ugliness or drama.
If they object—for example, if they claim that their seat reclines and therefore they have every right to recline it until your nostrils can see—try to negotiate. Offer a compromise; even reluctantly agreeing is better than spending the rest of the flight looking for excuses to move the seat in front of you.
If calmness and compromise don’t work, you have two choices: bite the bullet and get through the flight, or bring in the flight attendants. The latter may provide some immediate results, but will definitely increase the discomfort. Often people will comply until the stewardess leaves, and then blatantly revert to their misbehavior—now with additional attitude. Engaging a flight crew should only be an option if the other person’s behavior goes from being rude and annoying to affecting your health or safety.
Avoid Gadgets
Modern problems require modern solutions, and there is a whole passive-aggressive industry of gadgets designed to fight back against rude passengers. The most famous is probably the Knee Defender, which attaches to your tray table to make it impossible for the seat to recline in front of you. For people who are afraid of confrontation but also afraid of their cramped legroom getting even tighter, these gadgets seem like the perfect solution.
Except it’s a terrible idea and you shouldn’t be using this kind of thing. First, every major airline bans its use , and the crew will confiscate yours if they see it. Secondly, you don’t really own the space in front of you, so the person in front of you will justifiably be angry with them. In other words, the moment you use a gadget like the Knee Defender, you become a jerk in that situation.
Poorly socialized, narcissistic people who think their bus ride gives them the right to prioritize their own comfort and self-esteem are always there, ready to ruin your flight. The best way to deal with them is to find inner peace in any way possible, because your actual options are as limited as your legroom.