Don’t Be Upset If You Can’t Squirt (but Here’s How You Can Try)

When you Google “squirting”, the results are mixed. There are articles proclaiming that they can teach you how to do it, as well as forums and blog posts asking if it’s even possible. And, of course, there is porn – a lot of porn.

WebMD, the website we all know and love for helping us misdiagnose a terminal illness whenever our stomach hurts, describes squirting like this : “Splashing is the release of fluid from the vagina during orgasm. Not all people with vaginas squirt during orgasm, and those who do squirt may only squirt from time to time. This type of orgasm involves the rapid release of urine from the bladder.”

Based on this (and all porn), we know that squirting can happen – even if WebMD is right that it’s just pee (although many experts disagree on pee – more on that in a moment). Here’s how you can try it, or find inner peace if you can’t.

What is a squirt?

“Squirting is real for vagina owners,” says Matt Lachman, board certified sex therapist and owner of Cleveland Sex Therapy . “The debate between the world of sex therapy and medicine is also quite intense when it comes to squirting. It’s not urine, but it’s not the fluid that comes out when the vagina is lubricated.”

He explained that the fluid—whatever it was—comes from Skene’s glands, located on either side of the urethra in a woman assigned at birth. However, he added, “what that liquid is is still really unknown.”

Sari Cooper, board-certified sex therapist and directorof the Love and Sex Center , expanded on what is known about the fluid, telling Lifehacker that although the fluid is expelled through the urethra, the researchers found that it was “significantly different from urine.”

“Basically, ejaculate contains high levels of prostatic acid phosphatase, prostate specific antigen, glucose and fructose, but low levels of urea and creatinine,” or the “opposite” of healthy urine,” she said. So we know it’s not urine, but there’s still some debate about what the liquid is for.

This can be frustrating to hear if you are genuinely trying to squirt. However, Lachman says the focus should be less on how you can squirt and more on why you want to .

What is the relationship between pornography and America’s stupid sex education ?

“When we look at people who identify as having a female vagina, they feel like they can be pressured in a relationship, like, ‘Why don’t I squirt? Should I spray?” Lachman explained. “And I think the real question is, what’s the point of putting a lot of pressure on someone to squirt?”

He said that American sex education is “very, very bad” (which is quite true ), and students here will never learn the importance of pleasure in sex. As a result, we turn to pornography or put sex above any pleasure. Squirting, the visual representation of orgasm, is essentially a representation that signals that the end goal of an encounter has been achieved. Penetrating partners may feel a sense of accomplishment when they see their partner having an orgasm. This puts pressure on both sides and diverts attention from pleasure and intimacy. It’s a distraction at best; at worst, it’s a disturbing nightmare.

Lachman cautioned that penetrating partners should not feel it was their “job” to please their partner, and receiving partners should not feel it was their duty to put on a show. He said to ask himself, “Why the hell am I putting so much emphasis on giving something to my partner instead of just focusing on us having fun together?”

Of course, this is easier said than done. He sees clients who report that their boyfriend or partner is asking them to squirt. One may also feel pressure to compete with porn or ex-partners who squirt . Not achieving squirt can be frustrating, which is strange considering researchers don’t even know what the bodily function of squirt is.

Moreover, Cooper even said that those who squirt do not always like it. “In my experience, women who ejaculate are very shy about it and find it repulsive to themselves, even if their partner is not bothered or even turned on,” she said. All this hype for something a lot of squirts wish they weren’t even able to do.

So what’s the best way to try squirting?

You may never be able to squirt or help your partner to do so, which is completely fine and normal. However, the best chance you have requires two things: the partner with the vagina must be relaxed and their G-spot must be stimulated.

It is difficult to relax under the pressure of the need to speak, and this is a great paradox. Be honest with your partner about this desire. Have honest conversations and, if you are a penetrating partner, make it clear that you won’t be disappointed if the other person doesn’t. Communicate throughout the meeting, listen to each other and, of course, use toys, fingers or penis to stimulate the G-spot from the inside. Practice makes perfect, and at least it can be fun, right?

“You can practice stimulating the G-spot (which is the spongy prostate on the front of the vagina about ½ to 1 inch above the entrance) with two fingers in a ‘come here’ manner, or use a specially crafted sex toy. to stimulate the G-spot,” Cooper said, adding, “The sensation of arousal is different from the arousal that comes with clitoral stimulation, so it’s important to breathe consciously to stay in your body without worrying about a particular outcome.”

Don’t be upset if there is no squirt

If you try and it doesn’t work, don’t get frustrated, don’t get embarrassed, and don’t get frustrated. There is a whole world of fun things in the bedroom. It’s just one thing.

“At the end of the day, sex is meant to be fun and enjoyable, and I tell my clients, ‘Focus on your pleasure, focus on what turns you on, and talk about it with your partner,'” Lachman said. “So the conversation would be, ‘Let’s not focus on trying to reach the goal. Let’s not even try to reach an orgasm. Let’s just focus on feeling good.” And whether it’s visual, auditory or kinesthetic, I think splashing would be the least of the worries for anyone.”

If your partner makes you feel bad about not squirting, be honest with him. Say that some bodies do this and some don’t, and not only do they decrease your chances of success by stressing you out, but they hurt your feelings in general. If they continue to pressure or humiliate you, you can leave. You don’t have to perform for someone or force yourself to be someone you’re not. Your pleasure and comfort are important and no one has the right to make you feel bad about your body, sexuality, or yourself. There are plenty of people who don’t care if you’re a squirter and will put your pleasure first.

“Too many people treat sex as a competitive sport, which makes them feel embarrassed, ashamed and deprived of pleasure. Female ejaculation is something that some women can learn while others cannot. Enjoy experimenting by being fully present [with] what you enjoy,” suggested Cooper, who coined the term “gender respect” to empower and educate people through talks and workshops.

And you know what? If you can’t squirt, at least you can be thankful for less cleaning.