How to Get Back to Work After Leaving Home (and Not Go Crazy)
Resuming work after parental leave is not an easy task. In terms of logistics, there is a resume gap, a potential gap in relevant industry ties, and childcare that needs to be adjusted. Behind the scenes, there is often confidence to be rebuilt, guilt to overcome, and the mental burden associated with two difficult jobs – raising children and a job that brings in real money.
We often hear that the trick to this juggling is “balance”. I personally believe that there is no elusive place of “balance” – it is a constant swing in which either your income-generating job or your family will be in the air, while the other is closer to the ground. If the two really meet perfectly in the middle, it’s a wonderful moment, and it doesn’t last long.
While we cannot achieve true balance (whatever that is), we can plan ahead and strengthen the people and systems around us to provide optimal support.
Safe Reliable Child Care
Yes, you might think, obviously . But wait. Of course, you will need to hire a nanny or daycare for your preschooler. But what about child care after school? What if you and your spouse both work from home and you think, “Well, they won’t be home until 4, and then I’ll be working another hour or two. We can manage. Let’s see how things go, and if necessary, we will ask for help.”
If you only learn one thing here, know this: don’t “watch it happen.” Choose not only a babysitter, babysitter, or family member to care for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, but someone to entertain, feed, cook, and drive older kids to activities when they get home from school. (Because unless you have supernaturally independents (or older kids), guess whose office they’ll be barging into for help with snacks, petty spores, finding shin guards, and untying their blasted, double-knotted cleat laces – bye Are you at work, deadline or meeting?)
Whichever you choose, indicate ahead of time if you need help with dinner, homework, driving, housework, or laundry. Find out if their schedule is flexible and find a backup person to call in case of an emergency.
Hold a family meeting
When parents who used to stay at home return to the office, children need help to understand that they can no longer meet all their needs. Discuss the new schedule with the children, make sure they know when you will be unavailable and what they can (and cannot) do during that time. Set limits on when they can enter your office or not be distracted while you are on the phone. (Ha ha. We can try.)
Give them the opportunity to ask questions and express concerns about the transition. They may not yet have anything significant to say. Check back periodically during the first few weeks to give them a chance to express their feelings.
Become a schedule publishing machine
When you are no longer around to make every transition easier for your kids (school, home, extracurriculars, bed), your little ones will need help to stay on track. Consider presenting the following charts for everyone to see:
- Morning, getting ready for school, including when to finish breakfast, pack snacks, brush teeth, and put on socks, shoes, and coats.
- After school schedule with time slots for homework, piano lessons, sports prep, free play, etc.
- Evening/Bedtime Routine Checklist with Dinner, Bath, TV Watching, Reading and Morning Preparation.
Schedule weekly meetings with your partner
In addition to posting schedules for various key moments throughout the day, have informal “meetings” with your partner every Sunday evening to review each day’s schedule of activities and confirm any travel, late night work, or otherwise. outside of evening activities, your partner may have planned to avoid last-minute surprises.
Revise and change the division of labor in households
When the primary caregiver or “default parent” is permanently at home and his partner works outside the home, the distribution of household responsibilities becomes clearer. (Read: The one at home does most, if not all, of the housework.) Before starting a new job, sit down with your partner and discuss the main weekly chores (besides childcare): laundry, cooking, grocery shopping. , cleaning and transport for extracurricular activities, to name but a few. How will these responsibilities be divided in the future? Will the two of you be able to handle the load, or will you need to hire someone for certain tasks? Spell it out and make sure you don’t have enough bandwidth to take on all the homework you did before.
Automate everything you can
Instead of wasting your precious non-work time on a mountain of household chores, automate everything you can. Subscribe and save on regular purchases like diapers, laundry detergent and pet food. Sign up for a grocery or food delivery service . Set up auto pay for all recurring payments like credit card bills and enjoy paperless documentation for your insurance company. If funds allow, hire a lawn mower or laundry service, and organize a regular car park for kids activities.
Plan one-on-one time with each child
While children who are used to having you available as soon as they cross the threshold may not yet be able to articulate it, they may become frustrated or frustrated by your absence. Every week or twice a month, if possible, schedule time with each child to give them attention and one-on-one communication. Let them choose how they would like to spend your special time together.
Get ready the night before
What needs to be done by Sunday so that the week goes smoothly? A grocery store, a meal plan, a change in babysitting schedule, putting the kids’ clean clothes in their rooms? What should you do every school evening? (Check your homework, prepare lunch/snack for the next day, pack your gym clothes in your backpack? Figure out and publish your (and your kids!) weekly and nightly chores so that the morning — and the whole week — runs smoothly.
self care schedule
We throw this word around so often that it seems like a cliché. Yet I still haven’t planned my life in such a way that my emotional and physical needs are regularly met in the chaos of working parents, have you? It is worth repeating that when we are taken care of, we take better care of our loved ones; if we live in a deficit, so do they. Drop all thoughts of wine and schedule time for whatever fills your tank; from exercise, massage or meditation to reading books, poker or chatting with friends.