There Are Now Seven Love Languages, and One of Them Could Be Yours.
You have almost certainly heard of “love languages” and you probably know that there are five of them. Or were. In 1992, Gary Chapman published a book explaining this theory of interpersonal dynamics and delving into five ways that people can show affection to their partners: words of approval, quality time spent, physical touch, active service, and receiving gifts. The impact of his work on our modern dating culture is seismic, to say the least. A new study, however, shows that there may actually be seven so-called love languages, and they are not quite the same as Chapman said three decades ago.
Truity , a personality testing company, announced last week that its new survey of more than 500,000 people has compiled a list of seven love styles: active, grateful, emotional, financial, intellectual, physical and practical. So what does this update to conventional wisdom mean to you?
What are original love languages?
Chapman, a marriage counselor whose work with couples in the 1980s led to the publication of his seminal work in 1992, not to mention subsequent books and artisanship based on original love languages, came to the conclusion that everyone expresses their affection with one of these five ways. . Similarly, everyone feels most loved when their partner communicates with them using their preferred love language.
The original five were pretty self-explanatory. Someone whose love language is “quality time” obviously wants to spend quality time with a partner. Someone whose love language is “physical touch” prefers a handshake or other forms of physical intimacy. Chapman has written extensively about these love languages, and you can take a quiz on his website to see which one suits you best.
In a message accompanying the survey results, relationship counselor Krista Hardin, Massachusetts, said: “In my counseling and coaching practice, the Love Language structure has helped clients develop their listening skills and help them return to the most important aspects of life. their love and life together. It’s nice to have another tool that better reflects the needs and styles of today’s different couples, and that can be used to help them deepen and develop their relationship together.”
What are the new love languages?
In its release on the latest study, Truity noted that times have changed since Chapman first introduced the concept of love languages to the masses in the early 1990s. Gender norms are not the same, and the original five love languages certainly show their age. At one time, men were expected to give gifts more often. Women were expected to perform more acts of service. The more glass ceilings women break, the less they have to rely on men to buy them things, and the less time they spend supporting the egos and careers of their male partners. The culture has changed in a different way, and for men too. Male displays of emotion are no longer as stigmatized as they used to be, so men are more free to acknowledge themselves and their partners when they can prioritize words of affirmation over physical touch. These ever-changing norms don’t negate the fact that we all have unique communication styles and needs. They are simply rethinking the way they look these days.
While Chapman’s original 5 has a counterpart among the new Truity 7, the two brand new styles are “emotional” and “intellectual”. A person who prefers an emotional style needs a partner who treats him with empathy and compassion, supports and supports him even in difficult times. Someone who prefers an intellectual style wants to share opinions and ideas with their partner while appreciating their own intelligence.
This update “provides a more comprehensive look at the needs of the modern couple,” said Omar Ruiz, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “For example, emotionality as an additional love language is very important as there has been a general shift in encouraging all genders to express themselves in ways that might not have been acceptable in previous generations.”
As for the other five, all of them have undergone minor changes, again thanks to the survey. Where “receiving gifts” was once its own narrow language of love, the “financial” style of love is a bit more inclusive and includes, for example, giving financial support.
Are the original five love languages bad now?
No, the original five love languages are not objectively bad or sexist or anything like that. They, like new ones, are just the basis for a better understanding of yourself, your partner and your relationship. Chapman’s love languages are just a little older than Truity’s and reflect the time they were conceptualized.
Taking an online quiz or reading a book — or five books — about alleged “languages” are great ways to start this journey of discovery, but that’s not all. You still need to communicate your needs to your partner and work every day to communicate when and how they meet your needs, as well as try to meet their needs. No book or press release can do the job for you. They just offer a good place to start.