How to Hide What You Poop
The world doesn’t need to know when you’re shitting. Of course, this is a normal function of the body, for which no one needs to be ashamed, but sometimes you just want to poop, without informing others about it with sounds and smells. Here’s how to do it.
Plan your privacy ahead
If you have an idea of when and where you might need to go, you can plan ahead so you can do it when there are fewer people around. An office, school, or other large building around the corner or on another floor may have an underused bathroom. While everyone else uses the closer, more obvious bathroom, you can make your own poop kingdom right down the hallway.
Also think about timing: if you drink coffee on your way to work and always have to walk as soon as you get there, consider changing your schedule so that you drink coffee or have breakfast before you leave home. Hot liquids make us want to poop (it doesn’t even have to be coffee), so you can use a drink to set the time.
mask the sound
If the bathroom has a fan, turn it on. (This helps the sound and smell). Running water can also provide hearing cover, so if you’re sharing a hotel room or hiding from a roommate, consider pooping before showering while you wait for the water to heat up.
There are even white noise gadgets designed to dampen bathroom sounds, such as the Faux Fan , which is a tiny speaker that makes fan noise. Personally, I think it’s weirder to hear the sound of a fan coming from one stall in a public restroom than the sound of pooping, but hey, you do whatever helps you relax. Instead of lugging around a poop-masking fan gadget, can I suggest opening one of those 10 hour YouTube videos and just playing it on your phone?
Hide the smell
Even if no one notices that you are pooping, when you poop, that telltale smell usually gives it away. Luckily, you have options.
An air freshener or scented product such as perfume can make a big difference. Some people swear they lather in the sink with scented hand soap when they wash their hands. And if there is a fan, be sure to leave it on even after you leave the bathroom.
But there is more. Even the most critical reviews of Poo-pourri , which you drip down the toilet before you throw it down the toilet, admit that it does something . The general consensus is that there will be less poop smell in the air, but any smell will mix with the citrus or ginger flavor of the product. (This is admittedly a problem with any flavor-focused solution.)
How can you prevent odor from getting into the air in the first place? Enter a kind flush. You just flush the toilet as soon as you hear a slap. This may mean you flush two or three times in total (of course, you’ll also want to flush the toilet paper), but it’s a good strategy if you’re sensitive to smells.
And check the toilet before leaving. Some toilets don’t flush as well as others, and you don’t want to assume that one or two flushes got rid of all the evidence. After all, if you leave a journal, the next person will know exactly what you were doing there.