What to Do If You Are Jealous of a Colleague
It happens to the best of us: one of our colleagues accomplishes something great, and while we should be happy for their success, we can’t help but wish we were in their place. What do you do when you are jealous of others at work?
This post was originally published on the Sandglaz blog .
We’ve all suffered from this green-eyed monster before. Fortunately, envy is not a real monster. Envy of others begins when we are small. Wish you had as many coloring pages as your cousin? This is envy. He stays with us while we are in school. Have you ever wanted to get grades as good as your best friend? This is also envy.
Unfortunately, this continues in the working world as well. How do you feel when your manager compliments another team member ? Maybe happy. What if a colleague has more responsibility for an upcoming project you’re working on? Relief, perhaps. But what if someone beats you and gets promoted? Proud, hardly.
It’s natural to be jealous of a team member’s success. At the end of the day, we all want success. But we feed the green-eyed monster when we start to resent the members of our team. As this negative emotion intensifies, we resist collaboration and fluid communication . This is because we strive to transcend who we should be friends with. This creates an artificially competitive environment that thrives on unnecessary stress .
Therefore, envy must be conquered at work . Fortunately, this is easy to do.
Congratulate the team member you envy
Obviously, jealousy isn’t always born in the office. But the way to beat that – especially if it’s at work – involves suppressing your ego. Raj Raghunathan, an assistant professor at the University of Texas, writes that you have to admit your jealousy in order to defeat it .
how do we do it? Instead of hiding it, just admit that you are jealous. No, nobody. Tell this to the person who makes you jealous. It’s not easy, but here’s how: Walk up to them and tell them that their work impressed you. In the end, they did well, just like you. Then, if you’re feeling bold, tell them that you can’t help but envy their recent accomplishment. And it’s all. You have admitted your envy and are probably not very happy for the person you congratulated. It’s simple, right? Just be sure to confess in a friendly way. Do not cry or blush with rage. Your team member will not feel confident about their success. Instead, there will only be negative feelings between you.
Friendly honesty also has long-term benefits. It’s no secret that team members reward and remember each other’s honesty. But, according to astudy by researchers at Northwestern University and the University of Singapore , people reward and remember more for honesty than punish and hold grudges against deception. This is probably a surprise, as many jobs are quick to fight cheating in order to stimulate model behavior.
But your honest actions will not soon be forgotten by your colleagues. This is especially true for teams that rarely communicate openly , which makes honest conversations more valuable. It may sound selfish, but you will receive a couple of awards for your honesty . Team members will be more willing to help and cooperate. As a result, the quality of your work will increase. This is why you should turn jealousy into honest discussion. Admit how you are feeling in a friendly, congratulatory manner to achieve good results.
Make excellent students your mentors
Leaders have many responsibilities. Above all, they need to inspire their teams to collaborate freely and reward productivity for impressive results. This is why leaders need to act on the first glimpse of jealousy at work.
What’s an effective way to suppress negative emotions? Research shows that you should mentor those who succeed, those who others desire. While mentoring roles can be reserved for friendly and experienced team members, they are also suitable for those who deliver enviable results.
Results-oriented people are double-sided coins for your team. The first side allows your business to thrive. They carry out all their many tasks with the highest quality. Second side? Their success can be the constant envy of many other team members. Giving such people mentoring positions appeals to the second, less favorable side of this medal.
Let’s say a salesperson has the largest number of deals among his teammates in a long time. It is likely that she is envied, but respected. Don’t be afraid to mentor her. This does not entail a promotion or even an official announcement. Just encourage her to help peers, beginners or experienced ones.
It promotes teamwork and companionship. Why? People will no longer see a new mentor as a source of envy. Instead, she will be a source of knowledge and experience. As a bonus, she will share good habits with her team. It’s a win-win situation: less jealousy, more capable team members.
Be humble to stop being jealous before it happens.
What’s the best way to combat envy at work, whether you’re a leader or not? Simple. Stop its development.
The key to keeping team members jealous isn’t about your accomplishments or how your manager treats you. It is based on how you behave. However, this is easier said than done. Extroverts who speak openly about success and skills can dominate many jobs. It’s no wonder why your team members may feel the need to brag when the opportunity arises. But this only feeds the green-eyed monster that lives in many offices. This is why finding an introverted leader can be challenging.
However, showing some humility keeps people from jealous of you, making you a better team member. A 1995 study by Arthur Bedein , former editor of the Journal of Management, describes how to do this.
First of all, he advises against using public praise and positive reviews as a launching pad for talking about the high quality of your work. Of course, a little gloating may seem deserved. But keep just saying, “Thank you. I appreciate it”. This also applies to your talents, knowledge and education. If a team member talks about your impressive qualifications, accept the compliment and politely change the subject.
But why shouldn’t we openly discuss our core values, which undoubtedly help our self-esteem stay strong? According to Bedeyan, modesty is a natural defense against the envy of others. Just think how easy it is to be offended by someone who openly flaunts their success compared to someone who clearly respects other people’s feelings, including their professional ups and downs. Who knows, maybe a teammate wanted to take on a leadership role on a project that you were assigned. Maybe someone was unable to complete the educational program that you mastered.
Remember, people can continue to envy you no matter how humble you are. But it will be difficult for them to envy you to the point of indignation. It is jealousy that destroys your workplace. Fortunately, you can easily avoid this by staying humble, congratulating others, and mentoring others who are successful.
How to Defeat Workplace Envy | Sandglaz