How to Feel at Home in a New City
Moving to a new city is never easy. While there are many good reasons to move – a new job, a relationship, a graduate school, cheaper rentals, a thirst for adventure – moving to an unfamiliar place can be disorienting and isolating. You will have to navigate your new grocery store, study a new street map, and look for a new coffee shop or dive bar. If you’re moving to a city in another country, you may need to learn new apps, new food brands, and even a new language. And this does not even apply to new friends, if you are moving somewhere, and a ready-made gang of friends is not waiting for you.
“When you move, especially if you move as a lonely person, it is often a time of loneliness, ” says Dr. Marisa H. Franco, psychologist and friendship expert . According to Franco, loneliness is a kind of vicious circle: when you feel isolated, you are more likely to defend yourself against other people, which is not the best option when you need to make new friends.
“Loneliness affects the way we look at the world. It makes us feel rejected, makes us judge others. Lonely people report that they love humanity less and love others less, ”says Franco. “Evolutionarily, if you were alone, you were separated from your tribe, you were in danger, so you were programmed to see danger everywhere.”
The good news is that there are many ways to make a new place yours and meet new people before you develop evolutionary habits. Here’s what to do:
Explore Before Moving (And After Arriving)
You won’t be able to feel the atmosphere of a new place until you start living there, but it’s still better to prepare. Before you move, read / Google Map your new neighborhood, research the public transportation system (if available), dig into the city’s history, join local Facebook groups, and start following local Instagram accounts, newspapers and blogs. You can also do this after the movement, but it’s a good place to start.
“Here in Philadelphia, the Bella Vista Neighbors Association is a great resource for upcoming events, new stores, and more. Philadelphia. on the eve of the Covid-19 pandemic. “I also subscribed to the letter I received from the residents of the Community Hill area. I subscribed to some of them to find out not only about my block, but also about the blocks around me. “
This doubles if you move to another country. Ruth Sangri, a law student who recently moved from New York to Seoul, South Korea, suggests using Facebook Groups to find popular apps in the city you’re moving to if you’re going overseas. Things like travel apps and chat programs may differ from country to country. “For Korea, everything is centered around Cocoa, so having this is essential,” she writes.
And most importantly, learn at least a little of the language – this is certainly true if you are moving to a new country where it is important to know key phrases that will help you get around, but even if you are in the United States, it is a good idea to brush up on a local. jargon so as not to seem like a complete dork.
Take long walks and bike
Once you get to your new city, it takes a little time for you to explore the landscape, and one of the best ways to explore it is on foot, if not on two wheels. Take long, aimless walks – in your neighborhood, in the next block, in the next block, and throughout the city, if you have comfortable shoes and feel so inclined.
“It will make your surroundings familiar and help you get a feel for the neighborhood,” wrote Mira Fox, a journalist who moved from Boston to New York in November 2019, in an email. “And it will help you evaluate potential candidates for a nearby bar or cafe, or even grocery stores within a reasonable transit distance.”
Find local sellers and become a regular member
The city doesn’t feel well without a few popular spots – a café, a pharmacy, a grocery store, a trendy market, an after-work bar, a take-out diner, a playground if you have children, a restaurant where you host foreign guests. Finding these spots will take a little work and possibly a little courage.
Kayanna Si-Max, a design consultant, went through a tough move from Toronto to DC in 2019. But once she found anchors such as great takeout spots and a barber shop, she began to feel like she was on her feet. See-Ma found her place through a mixture of trial and error (“We ate in a lot of bad restaurants,” she says) and getting advice from complete strangers. “I went to the Blue Mercury cosmetics store, stopped people with beautiful hair and asked them where they did their hair,” she says. The method worked. “That was the moment I felt like everything was falling into place,” she says.
Doolin recommends frequent visits to local attractions in your area. “I put together a table of coffee shops within walking distance and tried to go around them all at least twice to meet people and get to know the local economy,” writes Dooling. You might be lucky enough to make friends with some of the regulars – and once you’ve confirmed your favorites in the area, make yourself permanent. Familiar things will make you feel right at home.
Be shameless
Moving is not for the shy. If you want to make friends and feel at home in a new place, you may need to be a little aggressive. Several people interviewed for this article said that the best way to meet people in a new city is to reach out to as many of the people who live there as possible, whether you know them or don’t know them well – or even if you you really don’t know them. in general, but feel comfortable contacting them anyway. Send an email to old classmates, ask new colleagues to bring drinks, ask house friends to introduce you to their cousin who lives there. Sure, some people will be too busy or not interested in hanging out, but if you cast a net wide enough, you will catch a few fish looking for new friends.
“Reach out to all your weak connections in the city (the girl you worked with but haven’t spoken to for years! Your Twitter is shared! There’s no shame in that) and make an effort to establish a connection,” writes Midzhal Tenenbaum, specialist according to the media, who moved from Buenos Aires to Boston, New York and Los Angeles. “If you get along with them, make it clear that you are looking for more friends so they know they can invite you out with their groups. Now is not the time to play in cold blood! “
If you’re feeling particularly daring, Xi-Ma recommends reaching out to influencers or local writers living in your new city for advice. “I found local reporters about the same age on Twitter, as well as influencers and writers on Instagram, and I immediately started writing in their private messages,” she said. “It’s okay, but if I saw them writing about something cool, I would say, ‘Hey, I just moved to Washington, where is it? “, She says. “This is how I made friends. I think I’m a little aggressive about that, but sometimes it works. “
Join a sports team
… Or a bird watching club, or a Pilates class, or a place of worship, or a children’s play group, or a group of volunteers, or some other group of people who meet regularly. “Pick something that repeats itself over time, like a class,” says Franco. “The more we know people, the more we like them.”
Rick Paulas, a New York-based writer who moved to four different cities as an adult, says the first thing he does when he gets to a new location is joining the softball team. “I’m familiar enough with the sport to know the rules and stick to my own rules,” he says, noting that he used to find teams by looking at message boards. “Teams of this type usually work a lot more fun, and there is always a random cast of people you might not have met otherwise.”
Once you have established yourself in the group, Franco recommends asking another participant for a one-on-one conversation. “Once you start creating oneness and creating memories that other people in the group don’t share, you start making friendships,” she says. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to be clicks.
Date on Tinder (if you’re single)
Online dating can be a hell of a hole, but if you’ve just moved to a new city and want to meet people, apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble can be a real boon as they’re specially designed to introduce you to many locals. …
“I’m trying to find people I’m friends with – even if we’re romantically incompatible, at least I can spend time with someone who shares the same interests,” writes Susie Exposito, a journalist who relocated from New York to Los Angeles in January 2021. In addition, she notes that not only will you get to know people, but you will also be able to visit many new bars and other places that you might not otherwise find. “Dating is a fun way to experience some of the coolest places in town,” she adds.
Look for other people who are in transition
One of the reasons adults find it difficult to make new friends is because people are just busy – they’re already busy with their friends, families, work, and day to day activities, so it’s hard to include them on your calendar when you’re new. in the town. If someone you are reaching out to push you away, “they don’t necessarily have to dislike you, but you’re living in incompatible times,” Franco says. “People are busy.”
Instead, she says, “It’s a really good idea if you move to a new city to find other transitional ones. Find other people who have moved to a new city, started a new job, or experienced a breakup or divorce. Maybe there is a meeting group for New Yorkers in Los Angeles, or maybe you talk to someone at work who is on board at the same time as you. “
Karen K. Ho, a journalist who recently moved from Toronto to New York, spent much of the Covid-19 pandemic fighting a Canadian journalist who was introduced to her by a mutual friend. “[We] we unofficially agreed to see each other every Friday to have a drink in my apartment for two hours,” she writes. Since the border between Canada and the United States was closed, the two leaned on each other. They celebrated holidays and birthdays together, and Ho even helped her friend make an appointment.
“We will eventually expand to two other Canadians, another journalist and communications professional, and make weekend plans to engage in safe activities such as visiting time-limited museums, walking [local cemetery] and eating Korean food. on open air”. Although Ho had previously lived in New York from time to time, this friendship made him feel like a real home in the city.
Give it time and let yourself miss home.
The thing is, moving is difficult and it can take a long time to feel at home in a new city. Allow yourself to relax in a new place and acknowledge any feelings of loneliness or homesickness when they arise. Tenenbaum suggests looking for comfort totems at times like these. “For me, there have always been foods that tasted like homemade, and I ate as a child. If I’m lonely, I make my grandma’s chicken broth, and suddenly my house starts to smell like it, ”she writes. “It’s very helpful to understand what things are important to you while at home and find ways to bring them to your new city.”