How to Get Rid of Superficiality and Build Deeper Friendships
Having supportive and honest people in your life can make a huge difference to your overall happiness (and their happiness). But building friendships that go beyond the surface can be a challenge – they take a lot of time and energy, and can seem awkward at first. If you want to develop closer bonds with your friends, here’s how to get started.
Rate your relationship
Take a closer look at your friends now. Whether your friendship started at work , as a child, in college, or elsewhere, ask yourself the following questions (and be honest with your answers).
- What kind of friendship requires a closer bond?
- Are you really “close” with your close friends, or are you only talking on superficial topics?
- Who supports you the most?
- Who do you enjoy being around the most?
- What relationships do you want to spend the extra effort on?
If you usually see someone in a group, you need to try to see them one-on-one in order to establish a deeper connection. You will likely have a hard time answering these questions, but you won’t be able to figure out which relationships are best to focus on otherwise.
Plan Conversational Events
To strengthen friendships, you should make plans that encourage communication, such as attending an art exhibition, class, or cooking together.
Laurie Deschene, writing about Tiny Buddha , explains how conversations like this can help you forge deeper connections:
The first step to feeling more loved is building intimate relationships that start with meaningful and passionate conversations. They don’t have to be deep and spiritual in nature. They just need to be honest, sincere and mutual.
If you haven’t been spending time with your friend in a while, reconnect by sharing what you have learned since the last time you two met.
Don’t shy away from difficult conversations
You don’t have to be a therapist in your social circle, but diving into more emotional topics can bring you closer. Take a deep breath and ask challenging security questions such as “How are you?” A friend once told me that they were taking a break from school due to some personal problem. I felt like a terrible friend because I had no idea they were fighting. If I tried to talk to them and see how they are actually doing, I would not be overwhelmed by the news.
If you are trying to rekindle a friendship that was much deeper before, you should be honest with that person and tell him what you want from the friendship . Think ahead of time about several ways to express yourself so you can keep talking even when you’re overwhelmed. Example: “I feel like we are drifting apart. I really like your friendship. How are you feeling? Can we be best friends again? “
Do not shy away from topics just because it is difficult to talk about them . If you notice a change in your friend’s behavior, ask him about it.
Take time to support them
It takes more time and effort to maintain a deeper relationship, so make sure to set aside time in your schedule for just that. Of course, you both probably have a lot to do, so make a no-fault pact so that if your plans are canceled, your friendship can stay strong without need or passive-aggressive communication .
Give your loved one as much support as possible and they are more likely to respond to your efforts. Jeff Hayden Writing for Inc. . Explains why:
A person who builds a great relationship does not think about what he wants; she starts by thinking about what she can give. She sees donations as the best way to build a real relationship and a lasting bond. She approaches relationship building as if it’s all about the other person, not her, and in the process builds relationships with people who take the same approach.
Focusing on your friend and the support they need is an important part of a meaningful relationship, remember that sometimes you may need to say no to them .
Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, or both, maintaining a strong relationship is essential to your well-being. Follow the tips above and you can forge deeper connections with those in your life.