How to Deal With a Narcissist at Work
If you are forced to deal with a narcissist for any extended period of time – whether you have the misfortune of having a romantic relationship with him or you have one of your family members – you will need to develop some coping strategies, if only for in order to reduce the emotional turmoil these toxic people inevitably leave behind. And that doesn’t change when you just work with the narcissist.
Even with the pandemic crowding many workplaces into the virtual space, it can be difficult to avoid the manipulative and often destructive behavior of the narcissist in the workplace. Now that more of us are starting to migrate back to physical offices, it is more important than ever to remind ourselves how to deal with those who exhibit these tendencies, especially if we are going to spend 40 hours a week or more with them.
What are the types of narcissism?
Narcissism is a spectrum that functions according to severity. A general guidance on ranges can be helpful when working with a suspected daffodil in the office. Generally speaking, there are three types that exhibit the following distinctive features:
Grandiose Narcissists: These great personalities should always be the center of attention. These are people who crave adoration, often at the expense of others, people who love to gloat and often rise to the top. (Maybe this person is your boss.)
Vulnerable Narcissists: This term describes a highly sensitive person who often enjoys developing self-esteem by associating with something they consider successful or great, such as an expensive clothing brand. However, the person is mildly hurt, sometimes appears shy and yearns for confirmation, despite often thinking that they are better than those around them.
Malignant Narcissists: This is by far the most destructive form of the condition. As Lifehacker pointed out earlier this year , malignant narcissism is usually a combination of different conditions, including narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), sadism, and paranoia. These people are more interested in hurting people than other narcissists.
Understanding the behaviors you are facing can help you avoid getting sucked into the myriad of problems that the narcissist will seek to create.
What to do if you are working with a narcissist
Narcissism can manifest itself differently in the workplace than at home, in friendships or other close relationships. For example, a grandiose narcissist might brag about the work of his colleagues. If you find yourself in close proximity to such a person, it can be difficult for you to claim ownership of your successes.
In a 2019 article in Fast Company , psychologist Art Markman said the following about grandiose narcissists in the workplace:
If you find yourself working with a grandiose narcissist, you really need to admit that it will be difficult for you to get recognition for your contributions because narcissists tend to take responsibility for what happens in their sphere of influence.
While it can be frustrating to lose praise or even professional praise from someone who falsely claims to be recognized for your work, it is recommended that you set some boundaries. Lisa Romano , a certified life coach specializing in codependency and narcissistic abuse, tells Lifehacker that any attempts to confront a narcissist will ultimately prove futile: “When dealing with narcissists in the workplace, it’s important to know that confronting them won’t work. , “she said.” Trying to prove them wrong will not work, and trying to hold them accountable will not work. My advice is to focus on [your] goal and pretend that you are dealing with someone from space who is not follows ethical standards. “
So what can you really do in practical terms? Romano advises: “[document] your work and [get] others to sign it, bypassing the narcissistic colleague.” She advises not only to complain about the situation as little as possible, but this is the best way out of the situation. And that documentation is important – if it ever becomes necessary, you’ll want to be able to accurately present your own work (along with the time frame and facts) to the authorities, she says.
If you find that you have been unfairly taken away from your credit, it may be better to share the problem with your manager rather than discuss it directly with someone who will never see your point of view. However, if a narcissist turns out to be your manager, it depends on what kind of behavior he is exhibiting, writes Markman. Vulnerable narcissists “will take responsibility for everyone else’s success, but they will also shift the blame for failure to others without taking any share,” he notes. Unfortunately, if you work with one of these types of people, the best course of action is to follow the advice above while doing your best to leave their department – or perhaps find another job entirely, as the opportunities to bridge the gap are ultimately hopeless.
Potential benefit?
While most narcissists aren’t fun to deal with in the long run, it’s possible that having a grandiose narcissist led by a boss can really kickstart your career. People with this personality type are usually very attractive and often rise to the top of their field in managerial and even more influential positions. Markman notes that if you position yourself correctly (and assuming your relationship is positive), “you can get caught up in that person’s inner circle and have a chance to move up in the organization with them.”
If you don’t want to fall into the narcissist’s sphere of influence, it’s a good idea to do the exact opposite and stay as far away from him as possible. “I realized that this distraction of attention, attention and energy from colleagues helps me to maintain a sense of peace,” says Romano.
And when it comes to your work environment, isn’t a sense of peace the best you can hope for?