Let’s Stop Calling Little Girls Bossy
We label kids a little reflexively, and not all of them are good. We see and point out unwanted behavior in the same way that this behavior was often pointed out to us in childhood: “ Don’t be so stubborn ,” we say. He’s so picky about food , we moan. Oh yes, she is very shy , we are sorry. Maybe it’s because we don’t want them to grow up stubborn adults who won’t eat vegetables and can’t stand up for themselves in a group, but labeling them isn’t the way to avoid this scenario. Another thing we need to exclude from our language is authority, especially when we are talking about little girls.
I like people who call little girls “bossy,” just as I like when they call women in the workplace “emotional.” In my experience, if a man leads people (whether on the playground or in the boardroom), he is considered a strong leader, an alpha male. When a woman wants to lead, showing straightforwardness or assertiveness, she is domineering – a word that girls will quickly learn as a characteristic with negative connotations.
No, we don’t want one little girl to tell all other kids what they can play and how they can play, but we definitely don’t want to send a message that we would rather they keep their opinions or their preferences to themselves. … We don’t want them to grow up thinking that in order to please them, they have to be calmer and less assertive.
Fortunately, you don’t need to call your child “bossy” to get them to stop being bossy. There are better ways to fix the behavior, as Ashley Ortiz writes for PopSugar Family :
Rather than using the word “bossy” to describe behavior, Dr. [Marcy] Beigel encouraged caregivers to loudly name what the child is doing. For example, if a child is playing without the participation of others, you might say, “I heard that you give a lot of directions. Ask your sister what she thinks about the game ”or“ I can see that you only want to play with the ideas in your head. It’s also important to include your friends’ ideas. ” Another example that Dr. Beigel gave was when he said something like, “I heard that you want to sit in this chair, but your brother is already sitting on it. Why don’t you choose a different seat at the table, ”when your child is adamant about getting things going.
Save labels for good things — strong, creative, caring — because kids tend to believe they are what we call them.