How to Help Your Teenager Prepare for Therapy
At some point, you may notice several signs that indicate your teen needs help. Maybe their grades start to drop, they are going through a difficult break with their first love, or they are closed for a significant amount of time. You think it would be helpful for them to talk to a therapist, but you are not sure how to suggest it or how receptive they are.
Here are some tips on how to start a conversation and keep them going when they first think about finding a therapist.
How to start a conversation
How you start a conversation with your teen about considering therapy can set the tone for future conversations and can affect their overall readiness. It can be difficult for someone to admit they may need help, so it is important to maintain a supportive, open-minded tone. Psychotherapist Amy Maureen writes for Verywell Mind :
Don’t imply that your teen is crazy or not smart enough to make the right choices. Instead, explain why you think counseling is important and how it can be helpful. Ask your teen’s opinion and be prepared to listen to your teen’s views.
Say something like, “I wonder if it would be helpful for you to talk to someone other than me.” Or say, “I don’t always know how to help you with problems, so I’m wondering if talking to someone who works with teens can help you.”
It is important for teens to know that you are not suggesting therapy because they are doing something wrong. Therapy should never be used as a threat – “ if you don’t stop it, you will go back to Dr. Smith ” – or as punishment for bad behavior. Instead, emphasize that therapy is for their emotions to help them feel better about their underlying issues.
Let them take charge of the process
You wouldn’t want to be dragged to another therapist, and neither would your teenager. If they want to try therapy, explore several options together, focusing on finding someone who specializes in working with adolescents as they will be the most skilled at dealing with them. Have them interview several different therapists and choose the one with whom they are most familiar.
And then, once they start giving the sessions, don’t intimidate them – or the therapist – about what is being discussed. As psychotherapist Brendan Bell writes on the Cherry Hill Counseling blog :
As tempting as it may be to ask your teen questions about her or his therapy, please know that your teen will resist therapy if what she or he told the counselor comes back to you – whether it is parental coercion or the therapist leaks information. … Confidentiality is the cornerstone of successful counseling. There are some privacy exceptions – ask your potential therapist about these exceptions.
Give them some room to think about on the way home and let them take the lead in whether they want to talk about it.
What to do if a teenager refuses therapy
Even if you get it right, your teen might refuse to go. If this is your last resort because they are engaging in risky behavior and could harm themselves or someone else, then you may need to force the problem (or even call 911 or take them to the emergency room if the risk is immediate). but if you haven’t gotten to it yet, you can try to make a deal with them that if they attend a certain number of sessions and don’t want to go beyond that, you won’t force it. This gives them a chance to find some benefit, or at least establish an initial relationship with the therapist in case they decide to try again in the future. You can also start with a family trip rather than one-to-one meetings.
However, at the end of the day, if they are unwilling to participate, the sessions are unlikely to be productive anyway, so it might be better to leave this option open and revisit it in the future if necessary.
If you want your teen to go to therapy, go to therapy yourself.
Children more often than not do, how we say, what they do, how we do. Our own behavior has a huge impact on their behavior, so if you want to model caring for your own mental health, the best place to start is finding a therapist you trust. If you aren’t attending therapy regularly yet, interviewing a couple of therapists and talking with your teen about how to choose who’s right for you will be a model for them that you don’t need to stick with the first person you see if you are don’t click on it.
And if you have doubts of your own, for example, you’re not sure if you’re comfortable opening up to a “stranger,” talk to them about it so they can see how you deal with it and how much progress you are making along the way. All this helps to normalize the process for them – and you get some help for yourself.
Your therapist can also give you some tips on how to help your teen go through the same process.