Cry so Often, According to Science
Crying is often seen as a sign of weakness and even a sign of something to be ashamed of. But let’s continue to normalize crying, not only because these arguments are bullshit, but because science agrees that crying is actually important. It releases toxins like stress hormones from our body, it triggers the release of beneficial chemicals in the brain and can, in the end, really lift our mood. Once you’ve been trained to hold back your tears, it’s hard to know what a healthy cry really is and when it is most beneficial. So I spoke with health experts and psychologists about the ideal ways to use crying to help you maintain a sunnier appearance and a healthier body.
What happens when we cry?
We know tearing apart feels like an effective way to release our pent-up emotions, but what really happens when we cry? Cognitive neuroscientist and mental health researcher Dr. Caroline Leaf notes that prolactin, one of the main chemicals released into our bodies when we cry, is activated in mothers when they breastfeed. The body produces prolactin “in response to negative and positive stress and can help us deal with our stress response,” says Dr. Leaf.
Other chemicals associated with crying include oxytocin, vasopressin, and endogenous opioids, which, when released, can make us feel calm and in control. Crying also activates the central autonomic network of the brain and the anterior central gyrus (ACC). The former helps restore balance to the brain and body, while ACC is involved in cognitive fluency. This means that the experience that led to tears – good or bad – upset the balance or homeostasis in neural networks and affected a person’s ability to think.
In fact, crying relieves pressure. Keeping emotions in bottles can literally cause chemical imbalances in our brains and bodies. Dr. Leaf calls crying “blowing steam,” in the same way that opening a valve reduces dangerous pressure in a car. Therefore, it is clear that we should cry more often, but how often and when should we cry?
Crying: no set schedule
From a scientific point of view to consider three types of tears : the formation of basal tears that cover your eyes antibacterial liquid when you blink; Reflex tears that protect the eyes from irritants such as smoke, bacteria, or onion fumes and emotional tears. According to Medical News Today, these latest tears contain the highest levels of stress hormones, so removing them is the best way to flush these hormones out of the body. A study by Tilburg University found that women, on average, cry 3.5 times a month, while men cry a little more than doubled, about 1.9 times. The question of whether this is “enough” is difficult to answer, so it is helpful to keep these averages in mind. Of course, crying too much, that is, crying uncontrollably to the point that it interferes with your normal daily activities, can be a sign of more serious problems . If you’re looking for hard numbers, one study from the Journal of Research in Personality found that the average crying session lasts about eight minutes .
Not everyone cries the same. Basal and reflex tears are out of control and are the result of the environment. They flow from our eyes just like emotional tears, but one of them is more socially acceptable than the other. Determining when to cry for a speck in your eye isn’t really a problem, but when it comes to your emotional well-being, there is no right or wrong time to cry. It would be convenient but illogical to practice crying on a set schedule; As Dr. Leaf points out, setting aside 30 minutes a day to shed a few emotional tears is probably unrealistic for most people. Instead, just cry when you feel like crying. That is, we need to normalize quiet crying in the bathroom at work.
Ways to normalize crying
Easier said than done, turn on waterworks if you’re accustomed to holding back. But there are several ways to ease your vulnerability and make crying something that makes you feel good rather than ashamed. Inspirational site Budding Optimist recommends starting by never apologizing when crying. Amy Stanton , author of The Women’s Revolution , has written extensively about how to accept the act of crying , and in the chapter of her book, Openly Crying, she explores the benefits of crying with others: “When we cry in front of others, we show ourselves. and we will allow ourselves to be seen. When we tell another why we cry, we promote understanding and communication. “
Crying is one of the most human things to do, and communication with other people only confirms the fact that crying is natural. Of course, you will only truly experience all the benefits when you are around people with whom you are comfortable being vulnerable. The last thing you want to do is make emotional progress and be appreciated in the process.
Vulnerability Exercises
It’s hard to have the mental fortitude to cry when you need to, as years of training in hiding your emotions come into conflict with the stress and anxiety that makes you want to cry in the first place. In such situations, Dr. Leaf recommends a “mind control” tool known as a neurocycle to settle in a place of emotional stability.
This exercise can be done at any time and for any reason, she said, but it is especially useful for making you feel comfortable when you cry. This is how it works:
First, calm your brain by breathing deeply. I recommend inhaling for 5 counts and exhaling for 11 counts, and repeat this technique 3 times (about 45 seconds).
Then, COLLECT your awareness of the emotional and physical warning signals your body is sending you, in this case crying. Accept this signal, do not judge them or try to suppress them (spend 30 to 45 seconds on this).
Now, FORMULATE about how you feel: ask, answer, and discuss why you feel and respond. Use specific sentences, for example, “I am crying because …”. Do this for about 1 minute.
After reflection, WRITE how you feel and why for about 1 minute. It will help you organize your thinking and give you an idea of what your body and mind are trying to tell you.
Then CHECK what you wrote, look for your triggers and thinking patterns. For example, you notice that you start crying when someone brings up a certain topic or you watch something on TV, as if it were a straw that broke the camel’s back and took away all your accumulated stress.
Finally, take action. I call this step ACTIVE ACCESS. It could be a positive affirmation that confirms your feelings, or a boundary you set to give yourself time and space to reflect on your feelings.
Even after you’ve learned about the benefits, it can still be difficult to hold back tears, especially in a more formal environment like the workplace. But if you can find a way to incorporate this into your daily routine in a healthy way, you’ll be better off. It’s just science.