What to Do If Your Child Hates School
Many young children love to start school in the early elementary years, but in the end turned into a grunt older children who would be better elsewhere, doing any thing else than sitting at their desk all day. This is understandable – the older our children get, the more pressure they experience in their studies. The work gets harder and the expectations rise. They may find themselves in conflict with the teacher or being targeted by bullies.
There are many reasons a child may suddenly hate school, but there are some things we can do to ease frustration or anxiety.
Listen and sympathize
When your child, who used to love school, says that he actually hates school now, your first instinct may be to reject that statement. However, answering “ Oh, you don’t mean that,” “ You don’t hate school, you just had a bad day, ” or “ But all your friends are there ” will not help anyone.
Think of it this way: if you had a bad day at work and you went home to give your partner an outlet (“ I hate my boss; I hate this job ”) and your partner said, “ Come on, this is not true. , ”You definitely would not feel that you will be heard and confirmed. You will most likely feel fired – and children feel the same way when we try to convince them that they don’t really feel what they are saying.
Instead, reaffirm their feelings and make them open up by paraphrasing what you hear them say, empathize and actively listen. Say something like, “ Sounds like you had a tough day – would you like to talk about it? ”Or“ It must have been very frustrating; what happened next? »May encourage them to share their experiences.
While you validate their feelings, you must be careful not to add fuel to the fire with emotional reactions like, “ You’re right — sometimes your director can be a real jerk; I am sick of the way he addresses you . ” This is counterproductive, and as Sue Browder writes for Reader’s Digest , we can aggravate certain situations with our reactions, especially if they are already concerned:
Unfortunately, parents can feed the child’s anxiety with their own reactions. With younger children, watch you say goodbye to your first days of school. Firm “Have a nice day, I’ll pick you up at 2:30!” inspires more confidence than “Don’t worry, I can be there in ten minutes if you need me.”
Listen and show empathy, but do not fall for the emotional spiral in what they are experiencing.
Try the “magic wand technique”
If the issue is minor enough, a magic wand (of sorts) might be all you need to improve their experience. This idea comes from Alana Pace from the book Parenting From the Heart :
After listening to your child express their concerns, anger, and concerns. First, empathize. Then ask him what he would do if he had a magic wand that would improve his studies and performance in school? He may decide to forge a friendship, improve his relationship with his teacher, or do something simple that makes him feel strong.
When my son started crying, when it was time to go to school, we applied this technique. His request for the magic wand was for me to wake up with him (I usually stayed in bed from the moment he woke up at 6:30 to just after 7:00). He also asked my husband and I to pack his backpack. These differences alone stopped monthly tears.
And even if the problem is bigger than making some adjustments to their morning routine, it can be a good way to get a sense of the problem so you can get started …
Find solutions together
If your child hates school simply because it’s boring , well, you can empathize with it, but there are probably several options for making it more interesting to him. But there are many other causes of their suffering that you can actually do something about.
Sometimes kids hate school because they don’t have friends. If so, you can work to help them develop their social skills, such as playing at home so they can practice introducing themselves to other children, or asking other children to play during recess. Or you can enroll them in extracurricular activities that will allow them to get to know other children with common interests.
If they hate school because they can’t get the job done, try to figure out why. They may need glasses or tutoring – or they may even have an undiagnosed learning disability. Talk to the teacher about what they noticed in class. If they are in serious conflict with a teacher or other student, it may be time to talk to the teacher or bring in the principal to better solve the problem.