Stay Away From Gambling With “Traffic Light Rule”
Nobody likes vagabonds . Of course, it’s nice to talk about yourself, but other people are not as interested as you think. You may not want to ruin a good conversation by remembering a simple rule.
When you talk to someone, their brain usually goes through several simple stages in the listening process. They may be interested in listening at first, but their attention will quickly turn into a complete lack of interest. Mark Goulston of Harvard Business Review explains the method used by radio host Marty Nemko, which he called the “traffic light rule”:
In the first 20 seconds of a conversation, your light is green: the listener likes you if your statement is relevant to the conversation and, hopefully, serves the other person. But if you’re not a very gifted storyteller, people who speak for more than half a minute at a time are boring and often seem overly chatty. Thus, the light turns yellow for the next 20 seconds – now there is an increased risk that the interlocutor will begin to lose interest or find you boring. At the 40 second mark, your indicator will turn red.
Sometimes you need to drive through a red light to get your point across, but most of the time, you’d better stop. Remember that good conversation is like a tennis match with a lot of conversation. So when you start talking about something – especially about yourself – pay attention to how long it takes you to express your thoughts. Could you convey the same thought in fewer words? Probably. If you’re an avid bum, you need more than a traffic light rule to stop yourself, but it’s definitely a good rule of thumb to start with.
How To Know If You Are Talking Too Much | Harvard Business Review