Supporting a Concerned Coworker While Respecting Their Privacy
When you spend more than 40 hours a week with the same group of people, you can’t help but create connections. Sharing experiences in the office, chatting with a cool boss, and visiting your favorite dining spots can turn coworkers into personal friends . But when a colleague is going through a personal crisis, how do you provide support while respecting their privacy?
This post was originally published on the Muse website .
You can even find out about your colleagues’ lives outside the office. It’s not uncommon to spend time with your coworkers during happy hours and in fitness classes, or get to know (or even date) their kids, spouses, and friends.
But what happens when a close colleague is faced with a personal crisis? Whether a coworker is going through a divorce, caring for a sick family member, or having another personal problem, knowing how to respond appropriately can be confusing .
While you may feel some closeness with this person and feel like it’s natural to ask for details and intervene to try and relieve some of the stress, there are still professional boundaries that you must respect. It’s wise to find a balance between offering your support and respecting your colleague’s privacy.
Here are some rules of thumb to help you reach that sweet spot.
Do: show that you are available
Everyone wants to be recognized and comforted in difficult times , but it can be difficult to figure out how to properly express support. When you don’t know what to say, something simple but sincere, such as “I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your mother,” may be exactly what your colleague needs to hear.
And it’s totally okay if your coworker knows that you are there for her, if she really wants to talk about what’s going on. This does not mean, however, that one should bombard her with questions or insist on details; it could push her away.
Forbidden: Offer unsolicited advice
While it can be tempting to play the role of an amateur therapist and advise your struggling colleague, especially if you’ve been there before, focus on support rather than preaching.
Your goal should be to make your coworker feel comfortable and cared for, not to provide you with recommendations. Unless someone specifically asks for your advice , it’s best to keep your opinion to yourself. Instead, ask open-ended questions such as “How are you holding up?” to try to understand how he or she is feeling.
What to do: Offer help in a specific way
Avoid vague statements like “Let me know if I can do something” or asking “How can I help?” These veiled sentiments place a burden on someone who is struggling to generate ideas for you, and chances are your coworker may feel uncomfortable asking for help from a coworker .
Instead, take the initiative and show that you are willing to help by offering help in specific, concrete ways, for example: “I’m finishing my lunch; can i cook you some food today? “or:” I’m calling the distributor – would you like me to contact him on your behalf about new designs? “
Simple gestures like this can bring tremendous relief to your colleague. And by offering something specific, you won’t be overwhelmed with tasks that you don’t have the bandwidth to do or are uncomfortable with, depending on the nature of your relationship.
Don’t: be “Susie Sunshine”
If your coworker is going through a personal crisis, he doesn’t need to remind him to shake it up and take a look at the bright side . Every person experiences ups and downs in life differently, and it’s important to respect your colleague’s unique coping process – whatever that entails.
While you probably have good intentions, your optimism can inadvertently create the impression that you are downplaying or downplaying the question, which could further worsen the situation for your colleague.
The best strategy is to help him or her feel heard and understood by suggesting phrases such as “This sounds so difficult” or “You must be angry!”
By acknowledging your colleague’s difficulties while remaining neutral, you can help them feel comfortable opening up to you. At the same time, you minimize the risk of pushing him away by making him feel like he’s overreacting or not handling things the way he should.
Supporting a colleague who is going through personal turmoil can be challenging in the workplace. When you reach out to offer your support, remember to respect your colleague’s boundaries and let him or her take the lead in how much he or she wants to reveal.
By adhering to these rules of thumb, you can find a balance between support and respect. Ultimately, this will help you maintain and strengthen your relationship with that person, and foster even greater teamwork once the clouds have cleared.
How to support a colleague in a personal crisis without crossing the line | Muse