How to Deal With Colic in a Child
All babies cry. But some babies cry a lot . A baby with colic – defined as a healthy baby who cries for more than three hours a day, more than three days a week – presents a mental, physical, and emotional challenge for young parents that most of us cannot comprehend. Being tasked with comforting a seemingly inconsolable baby for hours on end for literally months can feel like sheer torture. But there are several tactics you can use to ease your (and their) stress while you wait for this stage.
For this article, I interviewed parents on our Offspring Facebook group , many of whom have been raising children with colic for most of the year and have a good understanding of what you are going through. The only way out is to get through this, so here’s their best advice on how to get through.
First, rule out other problems
We know that some healthy children develop colic for reasons that we may never fully understand, but they are rooted in the fact that they are simply adapting to outer life – getting used to the sights, sounds and smells of the world. But other babies cry because of sensory problems or digestive problems associated with allergies, sensitivity to their mixture, or anything they consume in their breast milk. Here’s what Offspring member Steph experienced:
“After hearing so much about some kids having colic, I thought I had one of these kids. He screamed for over a year. I almost lost my mind. In the end I thought, “Hey, maybe it’s not colic, or maybe I’m not the worst mom in the world,” and asked for help. It turned out that he was allergic to milk. I was exclusively breastfeeding and had no idea the baby might be allergic to anything in my own breast milk. We changed a few things and the crying magically stopped. I wish I knew about allergies earlier. “
Before suggesting it’s colic, talk to your doctor about what else might be causing endless crying if this switch is all it takes to ease their discomfort.
Make a schedule with your partner
If you have a partner, you both should – should – take care of your colic baby. You don’t want to go through what Jennifer went through. Don’t be like Jennifer’s ex-husband:
“When it’s 3 am and the baby is crying and crying and crying, we become the worst version of ourselves, and there have been too many nights when my ex-husband pretended to be asleep and“ didn’t hear ”crying. Although it was a two bedroom apartment. And then he said: “Well, I don’t know what you expect from me,” and then: “He is still crying. Do you want to return it? NEA. Find out who has Monday night, who has Tuesday night, and so on. Then take care of the baby on those nights. Do not pretend. There is no learned helplessness. Just take care of the baby at the appointed hour / night. “
When a child is screaming, this is not the time to come up with such a schedule. Pick a moment when everyone is (relatively) calm and decide how you are going to divide and win. Even if one partner works at home and the other stays at home, the housewife parent cannot cope with the child’s colic day and night. Yes, the person who enters the office must be able to work; the person caring for the baby does the same. Team member David and his wife have come up with a schedule that might work for you:
“It was easier for me to sleep later. My wife went to bed at 9 pm, and then my shift began, which lasted until 3 am (or a little earlier, if I could put the child to bed). If I were helping a child at 3 am, I would wake up my wife and she got down to business so that I could get some sleep. Thus, each of us will get at least six hours of sleep, which will ensure that we can cope with the child. “
Protect your ears
You know they are crying and you try to help them stop crying, but they are still crying. You have no reason to listen to this cry to its fullest. And if you feel like you need permission to block some of them, Julie is here to give you that permission:
“When you’re in the thick of it all, trying to convince and reassure them, there’s no shame in wearing earplugs or noise canceling headphones while listening to music or a podcast. You still support them and that can help them relax. “
Heather clarifies and recommends wireless headphones like AirPods work best when listening to podcasts, audiobooks, or meditation tracks, and trying to bounce or calm a colicky child. She kept them in a belt bag along with earplugs, a mobile phone and everything else that she might need to take with her on the road with a crying baby.
Go to nature
The belt pack idea is good because at some point you’ll want to get out of the house, be it a walk around the neighborhood, a long drive, or even a few minutes in the grass. as Eliza suggests:
“I took my daughter outside and laid her on the ground for about a minute. Something about being outside took the cry for a while. Now, when she cries like before, we go outside and stand in the grass for a minute, and it still works. “
For David and his wife, it all came down to getting out of the house and moving in :
“I would make very long trips. I live about 90 minutes from Niagara Falls and heck, I saw them many times during those night hours; the sound also helped him sleep. The wife took the opportunity to walk with a stroller (the baby was born in late spring, so we were lucky with the weather). As long as he continued to move and bounce, the child calmed down. “
Accept (or ask for) help
All young parents should accept the help offered (or ask for help if no one is offering it), but especially parents of children with colic. Maria wishes her to do this:
“To be honest, I only found out later that my daughter had colic. One day I called the pediatrician and the nurse told me, “Babies cry a lot.” I wish I could ask more friends to come and hold her sometimes to give me a break. To spend the whole day alone with a crying child and then wake up several times during the night was a real torture. “
Ask them to help look after your child for a while so you can get a physical and mental break, or ask them to do household chores for which you don’t have the time or energy. Make it a fucking rule that if you come over to visit, you place your bet like Michelle did:
“If you want to be here, you need to do the laundry or some dishes or prepare food for us. We had a baby with colic for over a year; You were not allowed into our house if you did not help. Everyone I know cleaned up, washed, took our baby somewhere at that time or kept a crying baby while I took a hot shower for a long time. “
And if people don’t knock on your door to help, Miki says you just need to ask for it:
“Reach out your hand. They didn’t help me and I suffered. But I was too independent and never asked for help. I was losing my mind being in the same case, so afraid that someone would hurt my child, because he would not. Stop. Cry. But now I know that no one was going to harm him. And damn it, they could listen to him cry for hours, a loud exclamation. I have to listen to him cry 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They can handle it. Trust this. Your child will be fine. You’re not okay. Realize that there is help and use it. “
Remember this will pass too
It seems like it will last forever, but it doesn’t. All parents of colic babies in our group are here to convince you that this is temporary. Here’s David again:
“What made us move on was that we constantly reminded ourselves that this was only temporary. Each stage for the child is only NOW. It’s not forever. And while they make us cry, scream, whimper, and tend to feel like failures often, there will be moments that you will still appreciate. (Now I love the falls!) And more importantly, you are building an important foundation of trust with your child, and it will pay dividends. ”
To get through the most difficult moments, try to come up with a mantra like the one Samara relied on:
“The phrase ‘Every moment just one time’ I heard from [Zen master] Thich Nhat Khan helped me understand that as I sat late at night caring for my child, worrying about what I might have enough energy to cope with the next day, I really only made my suffering worse. It’s the same with their crying. It’s hard to endure. I allow myself to focus on only one moment at a time, realizing that each moment happens only once, so all I have to do is go through them. “