Your Stubbornness Is the Real Reason Why You Don’t Lose Weight.
I’ve seen thousands of people try to lose weight and there is one thing in common that people who fail quickly share. It’s not bad genetics, lack of time, or a taste for fine wines. This is stubbornness.
If you are trying to lose weight, the reality is that many factors work against you: full schedule, willpower, and even family members . Almost all of these factors can be overcome, and we wrote about them on Lifehacker. However, there can be no stubbornness; it is a trait that spoils every physical effort, even before you make any progress.
Think about a time when someone made a statement that you disagree with, be it religion, politics, or sports. How did you react?
Well, you probably felt an immediate need to intervene. It probably even caused physical changes: you tensed, your heart began to beat faster, and you might even have clenched your fists.
Perhaps you are firmly convinced of the logic of your choice, but more often than not, this reaction is a method of protecting the ego – you do not want to admit even the possibility that you are wrong. It’s stubbornness: mindlessly unconditionaladherence to your default beliefs . And this is reasonable. It’s embarrassing to admit that the actions you approve of – and perhaps even consider your success – may be wrong. So you’ve decided not to challenge them. Chances are, when your views are threatened, you turn off long before you listen to the other person’s point of view.
But what does stubbornness have to do with fitness that doesn’t challenge your default state?
It prevents you from knowing what works for you.
First of all, keep in mind that a lot of what we know about fitness and health is not true . For example, some people make more progress when they eat breakfast. Others are better off skipping breakfast . But if you don’t discover the last opportunity, you will never know that it can contribute to your progress in a positive direction.
Instead, you stick to what you know and take the easy route of being accused of “genetics” or “laziness.” Of course, both play a role, but the overwhelming majority of people blaming these two factors actually fail because of their stubbornness. They were so convinced that their genes were to blame, or that they were too lazy, that they never believed that other, more important factors could matter. They thought fitness was a talent they could never have, not a skill they could develop , and created a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It makes you live
Let’s say you’re planning to go to the gym in the morning because you like the feeling of having the right start to the day. You wake up an hour earlier than usual so you can do a quick workout before work. There is a heavy traffic jam on the way to the gym. After thirty minutes of inactivity, you realize you can’t go to the gym and get to work in time.
You are upset, angry. You think to yourself that some fool was probably driving recklessly trying to get to work, and you are mired in this anger.
If you’re like most of us, this is your default state, and following it gives you a predictable set of actions. You feel like your healthy plans for the day are crumbling, and your bad mood spoils and exacerbates everything else that goes wrong. Anger escalates to anger, and before you know it, you’ve eaten a bunch of shit because there’s always another Monday.
Housing is absolutely toxic to improve physical fitness. You focus on mistakes – things that cannot be changed – instead of looking at what can be changed in the future . In this mood, fitness is a fixed mindset .
The opposite of this toxic default is compassion. Perhaps the driver was not a fool, but a young mother who briefly tried to comfort her child and turned her eyes away from the road. Or perhaps you shouldn’t mentally beat yourself and others for skipping your morning workout because the events were out of your control. Shit happens. Ignore it and try to continue your day as if nothing had happened.
It reduces your ability to be flexible.
There is a viral article, in which the host Dirty Jobs , Mike Rowe, tells the story of her friend Claire, who asks him on the board of dating (talk, to which we listened earlier ):
“Look at me,” she said. “I take care of myself. I put myself there. Why is it so hard? “How about that guy at the end of the bar,” I said. “He looks at you all the time.” “Not my type.” How do you know? “I just know.” “Have you tried a dating site? “I asked:” Are you kidding? I would never meet someone I met online! “” Good. How about a scene change? Your company has offices all over the place – maybe try living in another city? “” What? Leave San Francisco? Never!”
…
Claire doesn’t really want a man. She needs a “right” man. She wants a soul mate. Specifically a soul mate by her zip code. She mentally put this guy together years ago and now damn she’s tired of waiting !! I didn’t tell her about it because Claire is capable of sudden violence. But it’s true. She complains about being left alone, although her rules more or less ensured that she would stay that way. She built a wall between herself and her target. A wall of conditions and expectations. Is it possible that you have built a wall like this?
I have talked many times with people with the same mindset who want to change. They have a healthy lifestyle that they need to live: no alcohol, daily jogging and other unrealistic things that you will see on any fitspiration blog. For them, anything that goes beyond the default ideal healthy lifestyle is a failure.
In this case, stubbornness reduces flexibility. It might sound backward, but flexibility is the key to commitment, and commitment is the number one factor when it comes to being successful in any diet. Plugging into your diet and making the right choices 80% of the time will be better for you in the long run than going overly enthusiastic for several weeks.
Stop being stubborn about your health
So how do you stop being so stubborn? Well, remember that stubbornness is a reflexive response designed to protect your existing lifestyle and self-image. The problem with changing habits is that somewhere, subconsciously, a fear arises that anything that threatens it could lead to a decrease in comfort, pride and ego levels in the future.
You must admit that you are stubborn from time to time and keep this in mind . Catch yourself the next time you irrationally choose the default mindset. You will feel a surge of emotion that fuels your self-righteousness. Remember this feeling and remember when it will happen next time.
The next time you notice this, ask yourself, “Why do I hold to these beliefs and why do I care so much about them?” For example, many people recoil when I tell them that “breakfast is not the most important meal of the day.” However, if you delve deeper into why they hold these beliefs, the answer usually boils down to “because I’ve heard this many times” or “this is what I’ve always done.” It’s really worth it to get upset if you’re wrong? Probably no.
During one of the times that you are wrong, admit it. Realize that you should feel a sense of accomplishment, not shame; challenging your default thoughts. It’s a sign that you’ve grown as a person, and it’s better than putting up with the conventional dictates of activated almonds and gluten-free toast because that’s what everyone else is doing. Instead, you will find what works for you – what propels you forward and is most in line with your habits and lifestyle.
This may seem incredibly difficult at first, but like everything else, it takes practice. It gets easier. You will begin to reap the benefits of being less stubborn. Fitness will become less of an obstacle course filled with arbitrary restrictions imposed by mysterious all-knowing overlords from health and fitness magazines. Most importantly, you’ll learn that fitness success does not depend on an ideal lifestyle in which you never go wrong, but on accepting what’s wrong and using it to grow.