Inconvenience Can Help You Grow in Many Ways.
I am perhaps the biggest fan of comfort in the world. What could be better than a large comfortable sofa? So it was a difficult, repetitive lesson to learn thatdiscomfort is pretty much the only way to experience true personal growth.
This post originally appeared on the Buffer blog .
I didn’t want to believe this for most of my life and I still often oppose it . But more and more, I’m learning to rely on what I have called “healthy and uncomfortable.”
By that, I mean getting out of your comfort zone and doing things that seem a little impossible (or at least a little intimidating) – getting into the “courage zone” in the picture:
The buffer’s values of self-improvement, reflection, and action bias have helped me a lot. In fact, the feeling of discomfort is an integral part of our values. This is not the easiest habit to develop, but it may turn out to be the most beneficial. Fortunately, there are many opportunities to practice in a healthy and uncomfortable state. Here are five of them. Let’s be awkward!
1. Share new ideas and skills, even if you are not quite ready yet
Reed Hoffman, founder of LinkedIn, once said something that will probably forever remain in the shame of startups:
If you are not confused by the first version of your product, you launched too late.
This “start before you’re ready” attitude isn’t just for startups: it’s good advice for anyone trying new things.
I’m learning that feeling uncomfortable with your health is a sign that you are trying something (this is pretty much the most important step on the road to success).
When you do things like share the first portrait you draw, speak a new language you’re learning with a local for the first time, or go up on stage to share a conversation or personal experience, every cell in your body to push the idea away.
This is a sign that you are on the right track. If you are not embarrassed, you are probably late.
2. Give honest and helpful feedback
Another kind of discomfort lives in the idea of giving and receiving feedback .
In what I consider to be the ultimate guide to healthy uncomfortable, Daring Significantly books, author Bren Brown has some great feedback tips:
“I believe feedback thrives in cultures where the goal is not to ‘get used to tough conversations’ but to normalize discomfort . If leaders expect real learning, critical thinking, and change, then the discomfort should be normalized: “We believe that growth and learning are inconvenient, so it will happen here — you’ll feel this way. We want you to know that this is normal and is expected here. You are not alone, and we ask you to stay open and lean on him. ” This is true at all levels and in all organizations, schools, faith communities and even families. ”
So, not only must we get used to the fact that we are uncomfortable, but we must also remain that way.
For a long time, this idea seemed almost unbearable to me. And then I saw this image of the incredible illustrator MariNaomi . The conversation about courage is great! Crossing the frightening chasm of a moment of discomfort looks like an impossible leap, but for the sake of what’s on the other side, shouldn’t we try?
Rebuild your mind so that you perceive feedback as good that we offer to a person – or to the world! – When a person or a situation is really important to us, it was one of the most difficult and most rewarding things I have ever done.
3. Be a leader when you feel uncomfortable in others.
I am very lucky to be surrounded by Buffer leaders who know alot about what is uncomfortable . In fact, their influence is the only reason I could dare even a little. The world is being changed by those who want to put up with discomfort.
Seth Godin in his book Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us :
“Leadership is lacking because few people are willing to endure the discomfort that leadership requires. This lack makes leadership valuable … It’s embarrassing to face strangers. It is inconvenient to come up with an idea that might fail. Challenging the status quo is inconvenient. It is inconvenient to resist the urge to settle. By identifying the discomfort, you have found the right place for a leader. If you do not feel uncomfortable in your leadership role, you are almost certainly not realizing your leadership potential. ”
4. Make quick decisions to help you move forward.
One way leaders can persuade you to reach your true potential with healthy and uncomfortable people is to give you no other choice.
Maybe it’s a bit like a hesitant skydiver nudging someone to get out of an airplane – steer someone towards a decision they ultimately want to make at a time when they might be tempted to default to fear.
[My Bosses] Leo and Joel recently shared a great resource with the team on the concept of focusing on speed as a habit . In an article, Dave Girouard, known for transforming Google’s enterprise apps division into a global business, shares that a certain level of discomfort means you’re moving at the right speed: “Your team’s comfort score is a really useful indicator of how fast you are, or no. You know that you drive fast enough, if there is a little discomfort, people feel stretched out. But if you go too fast, you will see it on their faces, and this is also important to notice. “
Girouard offers some ideas for how this feeling looked like in practice on Google:
“While I was at Google, Larry Page was able to make decisions so quickly that people worried that the team was about to roll off a cliff. He will go as far as he can to keep people from overstepping the line of discomfort. Its basic nature was to ask, “Why not? Why can’t we do it faster than this? And then wait to see if people start screaming. He really rallied everyone around this theory that quick decisions, as long as they are not fatal, are always better. “
5. Build and build things in public
As a writer, I’ve found that awkward creativity is a principle that I need to rediscover and repeat over and over again. The more you create, the more comfortable you become – until you regain strength, push yourself towards the next plateau.
This is the kind of healthy discomfort we have been returning to lately. Leo Buffer defined this as an “internal struggle” for publication.
“It’s about self-discipline to get through this struggle, even if you feel it just a little, every time. We don’t want to become repulsive – posting or tweeting – every single part is the only thing that matters. We give it all our attention, we want to make it perfect, and we have a slight feeling of vulnerability and discomfort when we reach for it … This is what creates the fickleness of the work, the opportunity for it to rise above everything else that we have already written. …
Chasing that feeling is incredibly counterintuitive to be nervous about sharing something personal, weird, or different and not knowing what kind of response you’re going to get.
I learned that it takes real practice and thinking to get to this edge. The feeling doesn’t get easier, but more often than not, it’s worth it.
Putting It into Practice: Six Questions for Greater Vulnerability
Can you create a habit of cultivating healthy and uncomfortable? I think you can.
Margie Worrell, author of Stop Playing Safely , in a Forbes article asks some great questions that I will use whenever I need to “reaffirm” my commitment to health and discomfort:
- Do I continue to do what has always been done, or challenge old assumptions and try new approaches to problems?
- Am I actively looking for new problems or am I just solving the ones I already have?
- Will I risk being vulnerable and vulnerable, or acting to protect my pride and bit of power?
- Am I asking for what I really want, or just what I think others want to give me?
- Should I hum to make sure others know what I’m capable of, or just hope my efforts get noticed?
- Am I giving my opinion or biting my lip to avoid ruffling feathers or criticizing myself?
Do you like this idea of being healthy and uncomfortable? When was the last time you felt this? How do you discover new exciting destinations?
Healthy uncomfortable | Buffer