How to Introduce Parents to a New Partner

Introducing Mom and Dad a new love interest is stressful, whether it’s the first or ninth time you do it. What if they don’t like your new boyfriend? What if your new girlfriend doesn’t like them?

We can’t stop you from bringing the git home, but we can help make this meeting smoother – and keep the peace if it doesn’t.

Organize multiple mini-meetings

If you live far away from your parents, FaceTime with them. Turn the phone a little and let your last girlfriend wave or say hello. Boom, they kind of know each other now.

Work on your own when they are not around either. When your mom calls, start adding their name to your conversations so that your parents understand that this new person is becoming an integral part of your life. Send a photo to your parents if you’re, say, going on a cool date. The more seriously your parents think the relationship is escalating into a big date, the more likely they are to like the person, and the less likely they will think it doesn’t matter if they don’t.

Have brothers and sisters? Try them first. When you are at the bar with your new partner, text your brother and ask him to come in. Place your new partner in the passenger seat as you drive by to throw something at your sister. Let them know that your new sweetheart means a lot to you, but don’t plan big fancy shows; have sibling meetings in a more relaxed atmosphere. You already know what they say to your parents about you, so let that help you at least once. Let them express how happy you are or how wonderful and calm this new person seems.

Get ready … but not too much

Let me tell you a story. When I started dating my last boyfriend, he told me that his parents would love me, but the real key to the success of our meeting is if I get along with their dog. I am not a dog lover, but I entered this house with a determination to win the favor of the schnauzer. At first it seemed like this furry taste maker hated me. He barked and growled, and I, in turn, panicked. Eventually he cooled off, and when my impressed boyfriend asked how I won him over after dinner, I happily said, “I fed him grapes under the table!”

Dogs cannot eat grapes. Did you know about this? I didn’t. In an effort to make friends with a pet, I almost became a cannibal. I cried in another room while my boyfriend’s mother, a patient but alarmed, called the vet just in case.

Of course, my nightmarish scenario involved a general lack of knowledge about dogs, but it was also the result of nervous over-preparation. Slightly less anxiety could reduce my anxiety to a level where I would not resort to bribing the puppy with treats, poisonous or otherwise, in an attempt to gain general family approval. (The dog is okay now, two years later and we really got along!)

Whitney Beebo, a 29-year-old tattoo artist and DJ from New Jersey, strongly agrees that rehearsing too much or worrying about a fateful meeting is a bad move. For her, acquaintance is not only for the sake of the parents, but also for the convenience and needs of your partner.

“They shouldn’t be submissive or embarrassing,” she said, especially if your over-preparation comes from a well-founded fear that your parents might not approve of their child’s new partner. “I have absolutely no intention or desire to bring my partner to a potentially unsafe space or any other place where he would be less than fully accepted.”

Beebo described in detail how she brought several boyfriends to her blended family who live in a small town in Maine, and they never had any problems. Recently, however, she brought a girl with her – now her fiancée – and did not receive the warm welcome that her previous male partners had, at least from part of the family.

Let’s talk about it.

Don’t let family disapproval ruin your relationship

Bibo said that while there is some value in parental criticism of a partner, parents may not know who their adult children really are, and may even act out of racial, religious, or sexual bias. She noted that the faction of her family that did not accept her fiance is opposed to her same-sex relationships and will oppose any same-sex relationships. Disapproval has nothing to do with her fiancé as a person. She didn’t let the ice get in the way of her newfound happiness, and advised anyone worried about meeting a parent with a partner — or anyone whose meeting failed — not to abandon the relationship just because of family friction.

“I am very determined to know who I am and know what I need right now and what is good for me,” she said, and this self-acceptance was the result of her hard work, not someone else’s. “Make sure you have a strong belief in who you are. You don’t need to prove anything to your family. Truly, if you are happy and if it works for you and your life, then that is really all that matters. “

However, if peaceful coexistence between your parents and your partner is really that important to you, don’t give up. Ask your parents what they dislike about your partner. If you feel safe, suggest another appointment. One bad experience shouldn’t set the tone for every relationship, but it should also be remembered that you consider their negative opinion to be good. For example, if it is related to racism or homophobia, you have the right to object and take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your partner. Only you know what it looks like, whether this involves a separation of parties or a more permanent end to the relationship, and whatever choice you make will be right for you. Trust yourself!

Remember they love you

Your parents and your partner may be different in many ways, but they must have one important thing in common: they all care about you and want you to be happy. If your girlfriend is acting unusually strange the first time you meet, remember, she’s just nervous. If your parents are overly critical, remember that they want what they think is best for you. Don’t be hard on anyone if they do their best. It can be difficult to accept that a child is old enough to be in a relationship and give up the primary parenting role to a newcomer, so keep that in mind.

If you’re still on edge, that’s understandable. Please contact Rachel Mahmoud to confirm this. Mahmoud – or Mama Gee on social media – is known for his viral comedy videos of her son Wajih West, in which she jokingly talks about organizing his marriage to Desi’s pretty women, leaving little time to celebrate, say, his law school graduation. or any other non-wedding milestones.

In real life, of course, she doesn’t think so. If your parents pressured you or made you nervous about showing up with a partner they don’t like in the past, remember that seeing you happy can change everything, and you may have inflated their comments too much in your your own anxiety.

“Just remember when you bring someone to a meeting with your parents that your parents love you higher and higher, so you don’t need to be nervous at all,” Mahmoud chuckled when he was approached for some mother’s advice. “It doesn’t matter what you do or who you bring, they will always love you.”

She added a few more practical tips that add nicely here: “Just stay calm and don’t look at the girl or boy over and over again. Just keep smiling at your parents and everything will be fine, inshallah. “