How to Overcome the Inner Dialogue of Doubts and Get Things Done
When you try to start something new, your self-talk can increase your self-doubt, and you will eventually quit smoking before you start. Such negative introspection can completely reduce your productivity. Luckily, you have a second to get out of your head and get busy.
This post originally appeared on the Crew blog .
Okay, quiet time … Time to work … Now let’s get to work …
An hour later…
This happens at least thirty times a day. I will begin to focus on my work, and then my internal dialogue will immediately interfere with me. The more I have to do, the more useless it seems.
For many, our internal dialogue goes beyond a simply destructive nature. This can completely interfere with our creativity and hinder productivity. Fortunately, the universe has also provided us with many ways to combat the inner speech that holds us back.
What is “inner speech”?
If you’ve ever made your toys talk as a child, or talked to yourself out loud while completing a task, this was your inner speech development. We begin to develop a way of communicating with ourselves between the ages of three and five. It is only as we grow older that we learn to internalize this inner dialogue .
Inner speech gives us psychological autonomy – our ability to self-regulate. Without this, we would lack consciousness or self-awareness. We will have difficult tasks that require memorization . Internal dialogue with us all day, every day, so how we use it is important.
Internal speech is dictated by two areas of the brain. The Broca and Wernicke area, named after the two scientists who discovered them. Broca’s area is responsible for creating a language, while Wernicke’s area controls our understanding of that language.
Cognitive biases holding us back
The problem is not that we have inner speech, but that this is the inner speech that our mind chooses.
When our internal dialogue becomes destructive and useless, this is called cognitive distortion . Cognitive bias is when your mind tries to make you believe something that is not necessarily true about you or the world around you, such as when you find yourself in a negative feedback loop: “I’m not strong at something, so I will never succeed. “
Below are some common cognitive biases and some tips on how to best detect and prevent them.
All or nothing
This kind of thinking happens when we see something as black and white. This is when we do not allow any shades of gray in people or experiences.
- How it sounds: “I did X wrong, this whole project was a failure.”
- Try this instead: rethink what you are telling yourself by looking at the problem from a different angle. Ask yourself if what you are saying is true. Did you really fail this test, or were you only wrong on a few occasions? Try to avoid using absolutist words such as “always,” “never,” or “everyone.”
Over-generalization
This is when we believe that because something bad happened in the past, it will continue to happen in the future.
- How it sounds: “I didn’t perform very well the last time I had to speak in public, so I shouldn’t say it again.”
- Try this instead: challenge yourself when you are over-generalizing. Ask if it is fair for you to predict how you will accomplish today’s task based on one or two past experiences.
Discounting the positive
This is when you give up positive experiences and focus on negative aspects instead.
- How it sounds: “They said they liked my work, but they were probably just trying to be good because they feel sorry for me.”
- Try this instead: ask what would make you happy. What must happen for you to accept something positive? Try not to object to people who compliment you.
Emotional reasoning
This is when you use what you feel as an excuse for what you do or don’t do. Our emotions are inherently subjective and they can interfere with our ability to see things from a realistic perspective.
- How it sounds: “I feel worthless, so I am good for nothing.”
- Instead, try this: As soon as you start having these thoughts, stop yourself and question your reasoning. Why do you think you’re stupid? Is it based on reality? With the help of a close friend, you can substantiate your feelings and gain perspective.
Personalization
This happens when you blame yourself for something that cannot be your fault.
- How it sounds: “If I only did X, then the whole project would be successful.”
- Instead, try this: Identify the feelings that accompany your personalization. Do you really feel responsible for your friend’s unhappiness, or is there something else that bothers you? Sometimes it can help to say to yourself: “This is not about you.” Focus your attention on what you can control.
If you find that you keep thinking about “mistakes”, just remember these three simple steps:
Determine that being aware of what your self-talk is about can help you regain control of it. When you say “everyone hates me,” what thoughts led you to this conclusion? Acknowledging your automatic thoughts is the first step to changing them.
Look: remember the words you want to use. Avoid absolutist and emotionally charged words. Instead of hating, try disliking. This will help you put things in perspective .
Replace: If your self-talk is harmful or interfere with, throw him a challenge . Turn negative or defeatist statements into questions. Instead of saying, “I will never finish this assignment,” ask, “How can I complete this assignment?” It takes you out of a passive state and gives you back power over your thoughts and actions.
We don’t have to put up with this hurtful and unproductive conversation with ourselves. By identifying and challenging our own thinking mistakes, we can minimize their impact over time. This will free up the space needed for creativity.
“I can’t even write a single final sentence. I am clearly the worst person who has ever lived. “
This idea has no real basis, although it has occurred to me many, many times. It’s not that I can’t actually write the final sentence, but that I’m afraid that what I’ve done isn’t good enough.
I know that I am not the most reliable person when it comes to how I think about myself and my work. This is why I hire people close to me to help me challenge my inner dialogue. I verbalize my thoughts and work each step out loud. It usually helps me hear how silly my internal dialogue sounds, and I can just dismiss it or put it aside.
I work, but I find it is getting easier and easier to resist my inner conversation and continue my work.