How to Recognize Signs of Postpartum Depression in a Father
“I’m just tired of feeling worthless,” I said, covering my head with my hands and holding back tears. I spent all day in bed due to a panic attack the night before at work. Besides feeling paralyzed by the sadness that pervaded my life, my body was too painful to move.
I couldn’t understand why this was happening. A few months ago, our second son was born happy and healthy. But I felt depressed. The job I had worked for over ten years was no longer safe and I was trying to start my freelance career from scratch.
Society has taught me that parenting will be a joyous time and I should be proud to bring new life to the world. But since becoming a father, I have felt anxious and depressed as I dealt with overwhelming anxiety attacks. I ran my fifth marathon a few months before I got my father’s position. Now I have gained all the weight that I lost during training, and then a little. I felt a strong sense of guilt for this feeling, and my thoughts from time to time went into a dangerous area.
I understand that I am not the only parent who has experienced such a mixture of emotions. With increased research and the emergence of celebrities such as Reese Witherspoon and Chrissy Teigen to share their experiences, postpartum depression in women has become more understood. But as men increasingly play the role of caregiver, postpartum father depression (or PPD) has only recently become widespread.
What is father’s postpartum depression?
According to some studies , nearly 10 percent of young fathers experience depressed behavior after having a baby. And often these men are afraid to speak out because they don’t want to look weak or add something to the plate of their already exhausted and emotional partner.
“It is difficult for men to recognize the symptoms of depression,” says Dr. Scott Beah, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic . “They can start as early as the first trimester of pregnancy, because the situation is already beginning to change.”
The symptoms of paternal PPD can cause more than just changes in sleep patterns and relationship dynamics. Bea says other underlying issues – family problems, financial pressure, a history of depression, or having a partner who has postpartum depression or had a difficult pregnancy – can make symptoms worse.
I ran into some of the problems Bea talked about. But he also believes that for some men, these sudden mood changes may also be biological. I was disappointed that I didn’t feel connected to my son, and I’m not alone: men often feel connected with their newborn intellectually, but not emotionally, at least at first, and the connection may take longer to form over time . And hormonal shifts take place inside the father’s body.
“There is a decrease in testosterone levels, which may play a role in depression in men,” he says. “Other hormones such as estrogen and prolactin, which are more common in women but exist in men, are on the rise. Levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, are on the rise. ”
When stressors intensify, men often hide their feelings instead of seeking help. This behavior can lead to reckless behavior such as alcohol and substance abuse, gambling, or engaging in relationships outside of partnerships. And there are studies that show that depressed fathers are more likely to abandon their children or become more critical of them.
“If people don’t cope with their emotions, it can affect what happens to the child,” says Bee. “If we are not responsive, active and energized as parents, this is programmed in the child and they cannot prevent it.”
Despite the fact that they feel sad, irritable, anxious, worthless or guilty, men often do not want to burden a friend or partner, despite how destructive their behavior can be to their family. And when men talk about what they are going through, they are often told to “stop whining” and “take courage,” implying that they are selfish about their feelings. This may be due to the fact that many are unaware of the existence of paternal PPD, which has recently gained attention in medical and psychological circles. Bea himself recalls how shocked he was when he became a father.
“I remember being stressed and not knowing what to do,” he says. “When I had children, there was no mention of postpartum depression in men.”
How to recognize and treat postpartum depression in a father
Aside from talking to a healthcare professional, there are ways fathers can recognize and help treat symptoms of paternal PPD. Despite the fatigue and lack of sleep that most new parents experience after childbirth, Bee recommends making a schedule and taking time to be active. He also suggests learning to identify signs and symptoms of paternal PPD and talking with other fathers to build bonding and camaraderie.
And if you are the one who recognizes the symptoms of paternal PPD in your partner, Bee recommends that you approach him carefully to avoid feelings of opposition or attack.
“People usually don’t like unsolicited advice, and I think if you can ask permission so they don’t feel ambushed and can track their reactions to it and see if they share that view,” he says. “It can hurt partnerships if not addressed properly.”
Men whose partners show symptoms of postpartum depression are themselves at increased risk. Bee says both parents may benefit from seeing a specialist for an assessment.
And if a dad thinks he is suffering from paternal PPD, it’s okay to worry about asking for help, but dads shouldn’t be ashamed to speak to a professional.
“Visiting a professional is intimidating to us, but when you’re actually there, it might feel like the safest place you’ve ever been,” says Bee. “Therapists are trying to create a completely safe environment.”
A few weeks after I sought treatment and reacquainted with my sneakers, my family noticed that I was starting to return to my previous state. The panic attacks that I had were almost nonexistent, and I was a little more confident in myself as a father. I now have a stronger bond with my boys and feel the joy of being with my family.