Instead of Judging Someone’s Spending Habits, Try to Learn From Them.
When it comes to money, we can be especially critical. Your friend buys a house, you assume he cannot afford it and should just keep renting – just like you. Or your cousin spends $ 15,000 on a wedding and you think it’s crazy – you only spent $ 5,000 on yours. Instead of judging other people’s habits, try to learn the whole story to be more productive.
Ramit Sethi calls this hypocrisy :
We look at others’ spending and ridicule it as frivolous and unnecessary, but we use cognitive dissonance and other mechanisms to justify our own spending. And we will never put our expenses on public display.
When we make assumptions and judgments, we miss out on the chance to learn more. Maybe your friend bought an expensive house because he makes more money than you think. Maybe you can learn a thing or two about how to make more money from him.
Sethi cites the example of LearnVest CEO Alex von Tobel, who shared an article about her spending habits as a New Yorker. Readers and commentators on the web tore her apart by criticizing things like her $ 30 lunch or her decision to take a taxi every day. Here’s what Sethi said about this:
It is easy to judge someone for spending them. But this is counterproductive … Rather than automatically condemning the author for her spending habits, the disgruntled commentators above should have tried to figure out how she even allows herself such a high lifestyle. “But Ramit,” one might say, “she studied at Harvard. She’s clearly a wasteful trust fund kid living on Mom and Dad’s money. “Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? But if that’s your first thought, you’re guilty of the Shrug Effect . The best way to approach the issue is to admit that she probably has a few advantages that you don’t, but focus on what she DOES control, what you can learn from If you want to live her lifestyle, it’s worth asking how she could make SO MUCH that she could afford to take a taxi every day? What is she doing that I don’t know? Who can I talk to to find out more ? How can I make more money ?
Money is still such a taboo topic and I think it only adds to the judgment. We are not really talking about money, so when we hear how much someone has spent on something, we can only use our own experience and income as a barometer. We do not ask about their earning potential, what kind of promotion they agreed to, whether they have any side jobs, etc.
The point is, judging is a bad habit that goes beyond moral considerations. You are also missing out on a more detailed conversation in which you might learn a thing or two. Read Sethi’s full post for more details.
Attention to Annoying Hypocrites: Stop Condemning Friends’ Money Habits | I will teach you to be rich