Specify “default Future” to Reorient Aggressive Conversation
When the conversation starts to turn into a full-fledged argument, it is difficult to bring it back to calm down. In the Harvard Business Review, they suggest pointing out where the conversation is going to make it easier to move on to something more useful.
The idea is that when conversations get aggressive, they start to lose a reasonable endpoint. To change this conversation, it may be helpful to point out the nonsense of what is being discussed. Harvard Business Review calls this the “default forwarding”:
Stop the conversation and pay attention to where the conversation is taking you both – the future of the conversation is the default – the place where it will end if it continues along the current path. Sometimes avoiding guaranteed mutual destruction can become a binding motivation. If people have a why to take a higher path, they are often more willing to endure the how to get there. If you can help them see the inevitable negative consequences of continuing the current pattern, they may want to subdue the need to punish or save face in the interest of higher value. Don’t judge the blame, just point out the obvious. For example: “I don’t like where this is going. I guess you won’t do that either. We’re going to trial. Something that hurts the project, breaks the relationship, and costs us both a fortune. Can we try a different approach? “
It’s a simple trick that works well, giving both sides time to step back, refocus their arguments, and try again. We hope this should lead to some kind of conclusion that will benefit everyone .
What to do if the conversation gets loud and aggressive | Harvard Business Review