How to Get Through Airport Security Without Pissed Off Everyone in Line
Travel can be inhuman, so it’s important to be the best person you can be as you struggle to get through airport security. Even if you can’t entertain yourself by enjoying being pounded and explored, there are simple steps you can take to at least make the trouble worse.
Before you leave
Yes, I know, thinking about being at the airport is almost as bad as being at the airport. However, if you plan ahead , things will be a little less painful.
- Many major airlines such as Southwest, American, Delta and United offer TSA pre-screening for qualified customers. You need to register before buying your ticket because TSA will assign you a well-known traveler number. If you qualify and use this number to book your tickets, it will give you access to these expedited TSA pre-check lines through security.
- Remove all jewelry and metal accessories before traveling to the airport. Even if your wristband usually goes through without triggering a detector, there is no reason to risk it.
- Wear shoes without laces so you can quickly remove them. If this is not possible, unbutton your shoes before entering the line. Never wear gladiator sandals or anything that requires a shoehorn.
- Do not wear pants that require a belt. One more thing.
- Don’t wear transparent leggings without underwear. This will not trigger the burglar alarm, but it will make everyone around you feel very uncomfortable.
- Take all the little things out of your pockets. Even Canadian coins.
- Wear socks. Yes, even in the summer. It’s cold on planes all year round, so you’ll be happy. Plus, your feet won’t touch the rough floor, and you won’t have exhausted travelers staring at toe hair.
- Double check your bags for liquids and other prohibited items, and keep a spare zipper in your carry-on baggage. Even if you don’t need it, you can improve someone’s day by having it close at hand.
- Read the TSA rules before leaving . Don’t be Russell Crowe tweeting about the unfairness of airport hoverboard bans. You must know what is prohibited.
- In fact, try not to imitate Russell Crowe in anything.
- Take care of your travel documents ! I went camping in Canada and a can of chili exploded in my backpack and covered my entire passport and was no longer scanned. I couldn’t use the automated machines found at customs at some airports, and my bean-smelling papers didn’t bring me any glasses at the customs officials.
The last thing you should do before you leave is smile, baby. Travel by air!
While you’re in line
Once you get in line to be petted and examined, you have to accept in your heart that the next 10-90 minutes will suck. Here’s how to avoid making bad times worse:
- Arrive early. The most frustrating thing you can do in an airport line is to get people to let you cut themselves so you can fly. It’s a great way to tell the world, “I believe my time is more valuable than yours.”
- In fact, use these luggage measurement containers to check what you can bring with you and what you need to check .
- If you are traveling with a backpack, remove your backpack and keep it in front of you. It’s easy to misjudge how far someone is from you and nail them down with carabiners.
- Keep your ID handy and remove it before going to ID verification.
- Don’t talk on the phone.
- In fact, put your phone in your bag. Yes, listening to music or text messages will shorten the time, but you can skip the announcement if you are listening to music, and you can delay the line if you are not paying attention to its movement.
- Don’t stop everyone by stopping to see which line is moving faster. Just select the line immediately. You will get to where you need to go.
- Don’t get into a conversation unless someone speaks first. Airport pickups are a dangerous myth.
- You can finish your bottle of water in line, but if you haven’t done so as you approach the security check, don’t make people wait while you are drinking. Just throw it away.
- Lift your laptop out of the case and carry it under your arm as you approach the front lines – unless you have a laptop bag that is suitable for TSA . Which you probably don’t know.
- If there are no chairs or benches where you can put your shoes back on, hold them in your hands and go to the nearest bench – do not block other travelers by getting up and fidgeting back into your shoes and jacket. This is why wearing socks is extremely important.
- When people do not fully follow these tips, delaying and pushing away their fellow travelers, there is no need to snort loudly or throw dirty looks at them. It’s an understandable impulse, but it only contributes to creating an already crappy atmosphere.
There are a whole host of other rules for being a good airplane seat assistant – rule number one is not to fart, no matter how well the engine sound provides sound cover – but I’ll leave that to you.