When Negotiating, Look for a Constructive “no” on the Way to a “yes”.
When you are negotiating with someone, you are probably trying to find the answer “Yes.” However, answering “No” can be just as helpful if you ask the right questions.
As former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss explains, people are often hesitant to say yes because it feels like a commitment. They refrain from answering “yes” in order to maintain leverage over the negotiations. However, you can come to a satisfactory conclusion with the target “No.”
People will do things that are not in their best interest, just to prove to you that they are independent. Letting them know it’s okay to say no will help them feel autonomous, which will make them more connected. You call someone on the phone and ask, “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” This will make someone tense up. They immediately want to say no to it because they know that if they say yes, they will be hooked and kept on the phone. Rather, you might say, “Is this the wrong time to talk?”
By approaching negotiations from a different angle, you can change the form of the discussion. For example, you may not be able to immediately convince someone to agree to buy a new large-screen TV, but you might ask, “Do you like the size of your current TV?” You can get rejection on which you can develop. In other words, don’t be afraid of “No.” Just use it as a guide on how to direct the conversation.
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