How to Flirt With Finesse
You may dress well, have a cool job, and be blessed with beauty, but flirting is where the real magic of attraction is, especially when it comes to first impressions. In fact, good flirting is often more effective than good looks, and anyone can learn how to do it.
Make friendly, long-lasting eye contact with a smile
Eye contact is critical when flirting, and Marin believes this is the best way to indicate your interest. This means the difference between a friendly conversation “how are you?” And the conversation “I would really like to meet you.” Whether you’re on the other side of the room or already in a conversation, eye contact heightens feelings of attraction. In one study published in the Journal of Research and Personality , strangers were asked to look other strangers in the eye. After a mutual friendly glance for two minutes, most participants reported increased feelings of passionate love for the stranger.
Marin says the trick of flirty eye contact is to hold your gaze longer than usual. If you spot someone on the way, try to meet his gaze, hold him for a few seconds and turn away. Repeat this a few times, and if they don’t give you weird looks, then do your own thing. However, be careful. While a kind gaze works wonders, the uninterrupted gaze of wide-open eyes is intimidating. If you’re worried about overdoing it, use the triangle technique and smile. Nothing says “I like you” like an old big smile .
Approach from the front
The wrong approach will end things before they even begin. When you see someone who interests you, Vanessa Marin , Licensed Family Therapist and Lifehacker , recommends that you always approach from the front. No one likes it when a stranger sneaks up on him, and Marin notes that this is especially true for men trying to get close to women.
If they are looking to the side, either walk around or wait for them to move. And if they’re in a bar, at least sit next to them instead of slapping them roughly on the shoulder. Approaching them from the front also gives you the opportunity to catch each other’s gaze and gauge interest.
Give compliments that go beyond appearance
Compliments are great for flirting, but they are a dime a dozen too. Dr. Nerdlove , dating columnist and Kotaku contributor, invites you to step up your actions and praise them for what they knowingly did:
Complimenting someone’s appearance is unoriginal and not very interesting. On the other hand, telling someone that you value their fashion sense or their discernment will show that you understand them on a personal level.
“You are cute” and “You have beautiful eyes” are worthless. If you can’t come up with something that would please their choice, Marin says that you should at least try to give them an unusual compliment. Say something like “you have a very confident voice,” or “you seem like someone who can get the best out of people,” or “you have a delightfully different personality.” Give them a compliment that stays with them and makes you unique.
Also, ditch the pickup lines and silly quips. One study, published in the journal Sex Roles , suggests that both men and women hate “pretty frivolous” opening lines. In general, study participants preferred more harmless or direct discoveries. So skip the question “Are you wearing space pants?” lines and try to strike up a real conversation about the meeting place, music, or a mutual friend. Otherwise, just go for it and offer to buy them a drink or give them a unique compliment.
Use the right touch to show interest
A gentle touch, done with care, is an extremely effective form of flirting for both men and women. A light touch is of undoubted interest. Plus, your flirting may not be as obvious as you think, so it’s great for being more direct if the situation and the atmosphere allows. When someone is confident that you are interested, it is easier for them to respond in kind.
In Close Relationships, Dr. Pamela Regan , professor of psychology at California State University, suggests that there are three main types of social contact. The first is “friendly,” which is like a light nudge with the shoulder, a pat with the shoulder, or a handshake — not ideal for flirting, but good for testing water. The third type, “nuclear,” are super-obvious types of romantic touch, such as gently touching the face or pulling someone’s hair off their face, and are too harsh and harsh to flirt. Plausible denial, the second type of touch, is right in the middle, and that’s what you want. This includes gentle and informal touch on the shoulder or waist and almost always effective touch on the forearm. One study published in Social Influence found that lightly touching the forearm increased the likelihood that participants would give their phone number or go out on a date. Just make sure the atmosphere is right when you try it, otherwise you might make them feel uncomfortable.
Use playful teasing to your advantage
People want what they can’t get, and light, playful teasing shows that you’re interested, but also attracts people. Nerdlove recommends a simple push and pull technique where you dangle like a kitten on a rope. compliment within reach and then return it. Here are some of Nerdlove’s examples:
“You’re the coolest person I’ve met … at least in this bar.” “Damn it, you really are such a nerd, this is amazing!” “It’s a shame that you look like a good person, you give me the most inappropriate ideas.” “You are amazing, I have never met someone like you; get away from me, I just can’t talk to you. ” “We will never get along, we are too similar.”
The key point here is not to swear or compliment in any way, like “you have a great smile, even with teeth like this.” Keep it fun, friendly and clearly let them know that you tease. Do it with a big smile, have fun (and be self-deprecating when it’s right), and while you’re doing it, use your teasing as an opportunity to touch you flirtatiously.
Nerdlove says good flirting is all about gossiping and playing around with what each other is saying. Don’t forcefully change the conversation and keep things light. Also keep in mind that some people don’t like teasing or witty banter, so be prepared to change the subject. If you say something unfunny or offensive, apologize and change the subject. Do not do this about yourself and do not shift the blame on them, for example: “I am sorry that you are offended.” Admit that you screwed up and move on to a nicer topic. When in doubt, Nerdlove invites you to just be a good listener . It gives people the opportunity to talk about themselves and you relax.
Read the signals and get a hint
Things don’t always go your way when you flirt, so knowing when to throw that towel is important. Nerdlove suggests that it all boils down to observing the other person’s body language and listening for their reactions. If you see these signals, type it:
- They are polite but indifferent.
- Their smiles are quick smirks that don’t seem genuine.
- They laugh shortly and awkwardly.
- They don’t answer jokes or questions.
Nobody likes bossy flirting; It’s assertive, awkward and super-incomprehensible. Besides, people talk. You never know when one bad social interaction will ultimately make things worse for you. If you swing and miss, shake it off, save face and try again.