How to Tell If Your Meeting Is Cheating on Someone With You

When we talk about cheating – and we do talk about it a lot – we usually focus on two people in an affected partnership. There’s a cheater and a cheated-on, yes, but so often overlooked is cheated- with, a person who may or may not know they are “different” in a crowded relationship.

If you find yourself a third party in a two-way system, it’s up to you how to proceed. You can put an end to things, you can tell the person who has a double time, or you can continue as you were and place the moral weight solely on the person you are dating. It is up to you, but before you decide on any course of action, you must know with confidence that you are invading someone else’s territory, inadvertently or otherwise.

But all this will happen after your discovery, so how do you determine if you are dating someone who already has a beau?

Watch out for suspicious items

This is the most obvious trick, especially if you are going home with someone you just met. When you reach their place, take a close look. Photographs of a couple in love or framed shoes at the door that clearly don’t belong to them are clear signs, but a seasoned con man or someone pondering this ruse is likely to hide the really egregious things, so dig deeper.

Sorry to go to the bathroom to freshen up. You probably really need to freshen up, so it’s okay and won’t cause any alarm. Once you close the door and lock it, get down to business. Did you go home with a short-haired man who has a paddle brush and a leave-in conditioner in his drawer? Or maybe a woman who has a beard trimmer on the counter? When evaluating the personal belongings in front of you, use common sense and prudence. Don’t get discouraged by the surveillance; If you are going to let this person know you, you can get some knowledge back. Post-waxing slutty summer or not, it’s generally a good idea to learn as much about someone as you can before you fuck them, but remember not to be too joking. Their medications and personal belongings are still personal. This is not what you want, so don’t even go there.

Regardless of whether there is anything fishy about the bathroom, there can still be clues to be found in other parts of the house, although you will have to move with a little more caution when your potential bedmate is watching you in other public places.

If you find yourself in this already suspicious situation, you have probably been given a reason to do so, whether it’s a holdover from being cheated on in the past, or something that your new lover said while chatting with you. Do not think that they are cheating, but be vigilant. Let’s say they ask you to watch Netflix – keep an eye on that screen and look for user profiles that pop up.

If this is not your first or one-time meeting, use your knowledge of the person’s likes and dislikes to your advantage. If they hate spicy food, but you find a bottle of Frank Red Hot in the fridge when you go to get a beer, ask yourself who, exactly, it is.

The evidence will be different in every situation. Is there a phone charger on the side of the bed where your partner is awake? Is there a free space in the closet where the suitcase would seem to go if its owner, say, was not on a business trip, and his partner stays at home alone to have fun? Imagine that you are an investigator looking for evidence.

It’s not just physical objects that can cause suspicions. If you see someone who doesn’t answer your messages for hours at night, or who can only spend time during certain hours, they may have a responsible job, or they may have another partner with whom they spend time. As with anything in a romantic relationship, trust your gut.

Try adding them to social media

The second serious red flag inevitably comes up when you’re trying to add a new connection on social media. Yes, everyone values ​​their privacy, but they also value Instagram followers. If your lover doesn’t tell you his pens, then there is a reason. It could be good – a lack of interest in mixing work and play – but it could also be an attempt to hide tagged photos and pictures that show real partners.

Once I caught a man cheating on me in this way. He looked at my Instagram story, but then forgot to block me (which is key if you want to view the story without the knowledge of her poster, so write that down). Imagine my surprise when I clicked on a name that I did not recognize, only to find photo after photo of a man whom I accidentally saw, with a woman who did not look very casual with him at all. It turned out that he lied about his name, job, place of residence and even about his birthday , creating a fake identity for himself, who, by coincidence, did not have a girlfriend. But in real life, when he was not with me, he was. And she had no idea what he was up to when he slipped into his fake identity.

You see, even if someone tries to hide their social media from you, it’s too tied to who they really are to be reliably possible these days. Snapchat, TikTok, and Facebook can cull your phone contacts to offer a list of “people you may know”. If this person is not so committed to deception and does not let you realize it, that he is preemptively blocking you on every platform, you are likely to come across his pages at some point. However, if you don’t, you can try doing a reverse lookup of the photos on their dating profile, or google for the details of their life they gave you. It’s hard to come up with a fake life and stick to every lie; the truth always comes out, and you can force it.

Once you’ve done that, it’s up to you how you handle the new information. For my part, I made a fake date with the scammer after I collected a huge folder of evidence with my friends (and made them sit at the back of the bar in case he got scared during a confrontation). We almost had fun. It was a lot like John Tucker Must Die , but less exciting because we knew someone was going to get seriously hurt. During the fake date, I told the scammer that he would tell his girlfriend what he was doing, or I – and I was stuck with it. It sucks to give this kind of news to someone who had no idea what her boyfriend was up to when she wasn’t around. Keep in mind that even if you never meet the cheated person, he is a real person with thoughts, feelings and emotions. If you decide to continue to see the person who is cheating, do not allow yourself to forget about it. There are very few scenarios in which everyone will remain unharmed, but the fraudster is not to blame. Unless you actively incite the cheater, the blame for the double timing falls squarely on them. However, a little tip: an emotional, deceived person may not always see it this way, so allow your willingness to be the screaming or named housebreaker factor in deciding when and whether you will tell them.

This brings us to communication.

Direct question

If for any reason you think you are dating someone who already has a significant other, you can simply ask. You really can. It’s embarrassing, of course, but you may find that they are in an open relationship or are going through one of those hectic breakups where they still seem to see their old love while trying to get back on the dating scene. Honesty is always the best policy, and awareness and awareness are always better than suspicion and caution.

Whether you have an arsenal of evidence or just an unsubstantiated guess, be blunt. That’s right, I give advice, I didn’t act here as I made a fake date to confront the scammer I caught, but I did it for fear that he would block my number on her phone if I text him proofs. which I was ready to write to her . (Yes, I checked her number online, but this guide is a story for another article.) To be honest, I was very straightforward when the fake date started. Don’t bother when they sit across from you. It is always best to know all the facts, even if they make you uncomfortable.

This is also the advice of Sara N., a 29-year-old New Yorker who declined to give her last name. While attending a conference a few years ago, she started talking to the keynote speaker and found that they had a lot in common. One thing led to another, and they had sex. On the third day of the conference, she noticed a ring on his finger, but said to herself: “Of course, they must be in an open marriage.”

Don’t be fooled and don’t write scripts in your head if you’ve caught someone. It is worth reiterating that if someone is cheating on their partner with you, it is not your fault, no matter how aggressive you flirted or how you look. Of course, give them an edge in the form of doubt, but as soon as you see anything suspicious, counteract them. Sarah did just that, and the keynote speaker was surprisingly honest with her.

“He was completely calm, as if it were normal,” she recalled. “He was almost disgusted that I asked if they were open. He said, “No, definitely not,” and I asked, “Did you cheat?” He said yes, so I asked if this was the first time. He tried to pretend that it was, and I was upset. Then he admitted that it was not, and told me about other women. I just didn’t want to be the girl he ruined his marriage with. “

Let’s put it bluntly: if someone is cheating on you, it was not you who ruined the relationship. This is them, period, and even then, the relationship may not break down. People talk about infidelity all the time. ( Here’s how .) Sarah says that the keynote speaker is still married to his wife, although she doesn’t know if he ever told her about his wandering gaze. The man who cheated on me is still with the girl he had at the time, and I can personally attest to the fact that she is well aware of what happened.

Again, it’s up to you what you do after solving the big secret. If you find a box of tampons in the bathroom of a seemingly single man, you can leave a note stating that he is a fraud, or just close the drawer. If you find a real partner on social networks, you can write to him in DM or close the application. You can keep seeing that person or block them and hope they don’t cheat on someone else again. What matters most is that you know and can make an informed decision. Now go and be curious.