How to Invite Your Non-Christian Friends to the Holidays Without Being an Ignorant Jerk
Christmas has come, and its traditions have become not only religious but also secular. However, if you have friends of the non-Christian faith, incorporating them into the joy and spirit of the winter holidays can be challenging. Here’s how to show goodwill without violating other people’s beliefs.
Pew research shows that 70% of Americans are of some Christian faith, and most Americans celebrate Christmas. While many see it as a purely religious event , others simply celebrate the time of goodwill and gifts with their friends and family. However, due to the confusion of religious and secular, it can seem difficult to include your friends from other faiths. To bridge this gap, we researched and spoke with people of different faiths to find the best ways to get everyone to participate in the celebrations (assuming they want to participate, of course) while maintaining respect for their beliefs.
Don’t Treat Hanukkah Like Christmas
The Jewish holiday of Hanukkah (also called Hanukkah in more traditional circles ) falls in December, leading some to refer to Christmas as a general celebration of “winter holidays.” Thanks to a combination of advertising and social pressure, Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights , is considered a holiday more than traditional. While Jewish families today often give their children gifts during Hanukkah, this is largely a response to the pressure of Christmas itself . Christian and secular children receive a whole bunch of gifts, so Jewish families began to give gifts as well .
It is important that non-Jewish families do not interpret this trend to mean that Hanukkah is simply “Jewish Christmas”. Not only was the gift aspect of Hanukkah originally borrowed from Christmas, Hanukkah is not even necessarily the most important holiday for the Jewish faith. Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Easter are all more important .
You can still give gifts to your Jewish friends, if they don’t mind, they will most likely appreciate it anyway in line with the spirit of the season. However, depending on their preference, you may not call it a Christmas or Hanukkah gift. I spoke to a friend named Ben, who is of Reform Judaism , which is the least strict sect of Judaism (other groups, Conservative , Orthodox, and Hasidic , are becoming more strict). He celebrates interfaith marriage and advises giving friends more general gifts and avoiding the religious aspect:
The tradition of giving gifts arose because Jewish children felt left out while their Christian friends received mountains of gifts on Christmas morning. In my opinion, Purim is traditionally more a holiday of gifts than Hanukkah. However, there is no reason not to give gifts …
In general, I would avoid gifts of a religious or non-kosher nature unless specifically requested. What makes the perfect gift depends on the person and the situation, so when in doubt, ask.
When it comes to non-food gifts, it should be easy to stay away from religious topics. For example, the figures from Star Wars are pretty indifferent to religion. However, if you want to make a gift to the food-based, Ben recommends to go to the website Chabad.org, to find out which products are kosher and which are not. Keep in mind that not all Jews are kosher, but in situations like this, this thought should matter. You can also look at the products you buy on the Kosher Certification Agency labels. This list lists the various regional certification agencies and shows the labels they apply to food. Please note that not every family will recognize each agency’s symbol as valid, so ask before buying anything.
Finally, it goes without saying, but for Jewish families (or anyone else), avoid using Christmas-themed wrapping paper for their gifts. While it may be more convenient to wrap your gifts in the same paper, it can be rude to offer a “non-religious” interfaith gift in paper clearly decorated with crosses, nativity scenes, or even some traditional Christmas iconography such as pine trees or Santa. This may not bother some people, but when in doubt, stay neutral.
Focus on celebrating friendship and kinship with your Muslim friends
Because Christians view Jesus as the birth of a son of God, Christmas has a special meaning for them among the holidays. Muslims, however, view Jesus as the only prophet in their long history, and not even the very last. This means that from a religious point of view, Christmas is not really a holiday. Culturally, however, many American Muslim families still engage in the secular aspects we associate with the holidays, such as decorating a tree or exchanging gifts.
Unlike Judaism, Islam has no main holiday set for December. Muslim holidays follow the Islamic calendar and take place on different days in the Gregorian calendar with which you are familiar. The main holidays Ramadan , Eid al-Adha and Eid al-Adha coincided for the last time with December of the 90s and 2000s. but won’t line up for a couple of decades. This year, on December 12, Mawlid took place, the celebration of the birthday of the Prophet Muhammad. However, none of them should be considered “winter holidays” in the sense in which we view Christmas or Hanukkah.
If you would like to invite your Muslim friends to holiday celebrations or exchange gifts, it is best to ask them individually first. As the American Muslim writer Sajda Nubi explains in the Huffington Post , determining how and whether to participate in the cultural dimension of Christmas is a purely personal choice:
Like my parents, I know that for many Muslims, the definition of what constitutes celebration is often a topic of discussion. Usually it all comes down to the fact that people decide for themselves how they define the holiday. This may look different to different people.
For example, I don’t buy a Christmas tree or decorate a house. However, during the holidays, charity events are often held through various organizations. Since I usually do charity work at any time of the year, I donate to these charities with the intention of returning them.
Again, giving gifts is a personal matter, but deliberately religious gifts are best avoided. Although Christians and Muslims disagree on certain religious issues, both faiths value mercy, generosity, and kindness. As in Judaism, there are certain dietary restrictions you need to keep in mind when you want to give food gifts. Certain foods are considered halal or legal. This guide from the University of Toronto provides a quick guide , but don’t be afraid to ask the person you are giving the gift to.
No matter who you are celebrating with, ask which they would prefer
Everything we’ve talked about so far is a good guideline, but if you really want to know what your friends and loved ones prefer, there is a surefire way to find out: ask them. Each person’s faith (or lack thereof) is very personal and differences should be respected and appreciated. Some of your friends may prefer to be excluded from celebrating Christmas, while others may be included entirely without a problem.
Be aware that non-Christian beliefs can isolate you during the winter break. Despite the talk of ” War on Christmas “, you will find Christmas advertisements, gifts, shows, events and parties all over the place. Hanukkah may appear multiple times, but most other religions, even besides the ones we mentioned here, are completely ruled out, buried under marketing and reminders of a celebration they don’t participate in.
This doesn’t mean you can’t have a celebration, but keep in mind that people of different faiths have a very different point of view than you do. Be curious and respectful without imposing your beliefs on someone else, and feel free to share your goodwill and celebration where welcome. The more you and those around you focus on what you have in common and values, the happier each holiday will be.