How to Spend Valentine’s Day When You’re in a New Relationship
When you’re just starting out with someone , Valentine’s Day is more awkward than romantic. You don’t know if you should be planning a luxurious evening in the city, buying them a gift, or just ignoring the day altogether. Here’s what two dating and relationship experts recommend.
It doesn’t matter, talk about it beforehand
Before making any plans for Valentine’s Day, it’s best to talk to the person you are dating . Dr. Nerdlove , dating columnist and author of New Game +: The Geek’s Guide to Love, Sex & Dating , told us this is especially true if you’re in some way related to the holiday. If you don’t like the commercialization, vulgarity, or fabricated pressure of all of this, it’s best to mention it sooner rather than later.
Or, if you enjoy using the holiday to get a sense of romance, it’s important to let them know. As Vanessa Marin , a licensed family therapist and Lifehacker contributor, explains, surprise at their lavish celebration can be a recipe for disaster. This is a huge gamble and will most likely make them feel very uncomfortable. And don’t worry about it, says Marin:
Anyone in a new relationship feels this awkward around the 14th, so you’re not going to surprise your partner by talking about it. Start with something simple, like, “I know Valentine’s Day is always such a strange thing, so …”
Do it openly, discuss it honestly, and together develop a plan that will make you both feel comfortable.
If you’re not exclusive, ignore the holiday
It is difficult to measure the seriousness of a relationship over time, according to Marin, as relationships evolve at very different rates. For some couples, a date within three weeks may mean that you’ve only had one or two dates. For others, dating within three weeks may mean that you are already monogamous. So, as a general guideline, Marin recommends basing your plans on your exclusivity or lack thereof:
I think it’s best to be guided by whether or not you talked about being exclusive. Or, if you are in a non-monogamous relationship, you were talking about being serious. If you are not exclusive, I would ignore the holiday altogether.
Don’t expect Valentine’s Day to be a big deal, especially if you’re in the early weeks of a relationship. Romance is just starting to blossom between you and your partner, so there is no need to put additional pressure on each other due to your timing. If it works, there will always be next year. If you feel the need to do something, Nerdlove offers to go with something small, but nice, for example, in the best case, with cheesy postcard.
Dating is fine if you’re exclusive, but don’t give gifts.
If you’ve “spoken” with your partner and are now exclusive, celebrating is okay, as long as it’s within reason. However, Nerdlove still warns against anything too extravagant:
If you’ve been dating for a couple of months, a simple romantic date would certainly be a good way to celebrate, although I wouldn’t overdo it. My advice to couples: If you’re not going to ignore it, just stay at home and don’t try to go to a crowded restaurant that has inflated prices. It’s more romantic, cheaper and much more fun.
Marin reiterates the concept of “dining at home” and notes a couple of other benefits that come with being in the home. First, you don’t have to worry about booking one of the busiest evenings of the year. Second, you won’t make each other feel uncomfortable by surrounding yourself with a group of much more serious couples. It’s just that you and your partner are enjoying a delicious meal together without any pressure.
Even if you’re on a date, you probably shouldn’t give gifts anyway. As Marin explains, it is inevitable that one person spends more than the other, and both parties feel uneasy. And you should categorically avoid any extravagant gifts , says Nerdlove. Big gifts early in a relationship raise a big red flag for most people and are likely to scare them. However, if you’ve been together for a few months now and see each other at least once or twice a week, a $ 30 gift would be reasonable. Maybe a book by their favorite author, or a movie that you both said you wanted to watch. Nevertheless, if you talk about it in advance, as we advised, there will be no problems.