We’ve Tried Your Secret, Somewhat Embarrassing Food Mixes
Remember a few weeks ago I asked you all about your weirdest, slightly embarrassing, secret eating habits ? It turns out that you humans, the geniuses of the trash bag, were able to open my eyes to exciting new ways to eat macaroni and cheese, instant ramen and spam.
It was not enough to read your brilliant, extremely tempting recipes; I needed to try them on my own mouth, so I picked a few of my favorites to try. Here are the results.
Pasta with sour cream and Dorothy cheese
Dorothy isn’t actually the first of you to bring this blue box trick to my attention. Given my deep and true love for sour cream, I knew this was what I needed to try.
I cooked it almost exactly as Dorothy described in her commentary, except I somehow ran out of pepper. (Honestly, I think the title of my memoir will be Always Beyond Some Fucking Product: The Claire Lower Story .)
ANYWAY. Turns out sour cream pasta is pretty good. First, it’s even easier to make than the “traditional” method of preparation because you have one less ingredient and it has a fantastic flavor that really enhances the flavor of the cheese. It’s also very creamy and highly addictive, just like sour cream itself. I give this 4 out of 5 pans.
Processed cheese Ben A. on a plate with spicy sauce
I’ve enjoyed melted cheese on a plate since I was seven – I vividly remember eating it when I watched the Power Rangers premiere after school – and it has survived. I’ve never sprinkled it with hot sauce, so I appreciate Ben’s ingenuity.
Some people may think that they don’t like to eat processed cheese from the plate, but this is not the case. None. If you’ve ever eaten a piece of cheese on your own and didn’t feel weird about it, there is no reason you should feel weird eating cheese melted on a plate. What about hot sauce? No one should ever feel weird about a hot sauce. Basically, it’s a delicious treat, and it is received by 3.88 out of 5 pans.
Doritos PB&J of Dayglo Fascist
People who put chips in sandwiches are good at food, but the fascist Dayglo takes it up a notch with this dreamer of a bricklayer:
Like all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, it was super easy to make which I appreciate. If traditional PB&J lacks textures, Doritos will take care of that. As for the taste, it’s all there. You have sweet jelly. You have a savory umami sweetness. You have fatty and butter peanut butter.
This is a delicious sandwich. I give 4.25 out of 5 pans.
Rooks fried ramen
As soon as you think you’ve seen all the ramen tricks, a hero appears and changes your quality of life for the better.
I wasn’t sure if the flavor pack should be involved, so at first I just tried some plain fried ramen noodles and it was very good.
But the salty siren signal of the scent bag couldn’t be ignored, so I poured it into the pot along with a lot of oil.
I fried it until it was nice and crunchy places – for a nice contrast between soft and crunchy noodles – and shoveled it on my (honestly, hungover) face. It was good. If I have one criticism – and in fact, this is my problem since RookDarkly did not mention the seasoning pack – it was that it was too salty and I will only be using half of the pack in the future. 4.5 out of 5 pans.
Boredom is a boring spam sandwich
Here’s a fact: spam is good. Salty. It’s bold. Fries like in a dream. Another fact for you: this sandwich is very good.
I cooked all of these meals in one morning, which was perfect on time considering I had smoked clove cigarettes and drank vermouth the night before like an anxious teenager, but as a result, I was unable to finish it all.
But I went the most with this sandwich. The hot, fried spam melted the kraft single upon contact with the yellow mustard, which provided the much-needed acidity to keep the flavor from sprinkling with fat and salt. I can’t say a single bad thing about it. 5 out of 5 pans.
To summarize, I want to thank all of you for sharing your brilliant, weird recipes with me and the rest of the world. You guys are real culinary heroes.