How to Make the Tastiest Cold Carbonated Beer
It would seem that we, as a nation, cannot leave our drinks alone and are always waiting for the next sip. I read this article, which hailed cold water and coconut La Croix as the “drink of summer,” and I reacted with a mixture of disbelief and resignation.
Because, honestly, the coconut La Croix? This seltzer taste is the worst in La Croix – it tastes like watered-down carbonated sunscreen and I don’t know why anyone would need to do this with cold beer. I’m also just not a big fan of adding carbon dioxide to my coffee. ( Cold brewing with nitro is a different story, however; the bubbles are nice and small, and give the coffee a soft, creamy taste.) Oral confusion. (See Exhibit A below, it was the most mysterious thing I have ever put in my mouth.)
But I was told not to “knock until I try,” so I tried to see how mixing delicious cold coffee with the worst flavors in existence, La Croix, somehow made me thirsty all summer long.
I mixed roughly equal parts of a cold drink concentrate and satanic seltzer water, took a sip and was … not thrilled. It wasn’t all bad, but the combination of large bubbles and coconut essence largely muted the pleasant aspect of the coffee and made it quite pungent, enhancing the bitterness.
Fully aware of my prejudice towards a jar of tropical bubbling water, I decided to try a different scent and turned to the belief that it was polar or black cherry. In the end, things turned out much worse: cherry essence and coffee teamed up to create a scent reminiscent of cough syrup.
Basically, it all comes down to the sensations in the mouth. Where nitro smooths out the harshness of the coffee, carbonation enhances the coffee, making the flavor subtle and pungent. Fortunately, there is a simple solution: you just need to add something sweet and juicy.
First, I added a tablespoon of plain syrup to my initial cold coconut drink. It helped him a lot, especially in terms of mouthfeel, but it still tastes like La Croix coconut, which is a problem for me because I don’t like that mouthfeel. (If, however, you are a fan of this particular seltzer flavor, do so and enjoy life.)
Then I decided to try it with a carbonated drink that was pre-syrup: the classic Coca-Cola.
This, my friends, is sweet, sparkling, sweet and smooth. The cola’s sweet syrupy hue kept the bubbles from eating away at the cold drink, balancing any bitterness. Likewise, coffee made cola more drinkable by reducing the sugary factor. I drank the entire glass and – since I had previously taken a large dose of pseudoephedrine – I am pleased to report that I can now see sound.
This got me thinking about what other sweet syrups I can add to cold beer. At the urging of a wonderful editor, I decided to try my hand at making coffee egg cream.
I mixed 1/4 cup cold drink concentrate with 1/2 cup half and half in a chilled glass, then added four tablespoons of chocolate syrup and gently poured the soda over the whole thing. It was as delicious as you might have guessed, but the coffee added nothing but a touch of flavor and good caffeine (keep in mind that I use a cold brew concentrate which is very healthy). To draw attention back to our cold beer, I tried a variation of the classic fountain, eliminating dairy entirely and mixing two tablespoons of chocolate syrup with equal parts cold drink concentrate and syrup.
The result is a pure, caffeinated chocolate drink without any of the heaviness that dairy can bring. Be aware that you will need a little syrup for this to work. I tried it with one tablespoon of chocolate and found it quite frustrating as there was not enough sugar to flatten everything.
So while yes, you can mix carbonation and cold beer, your best bet is to add a syrup addition, even if it’s a little simple. If you do not like the softer taste of coffee, muffled, and the bitter – enhanced. After all, it takes everyone, and I’m not here to judge.