How to Talk to Young Children About Sex
“If you have any questions about … well, sex, you can ask me.”
It was my version of The Conversation — an awkward, stuttering sentence from my mother when I was twelve years old. I did have a lot of questions, but I could see how uncomfortable and embarrassed my mom was, and I knew she really didn’t want me to ask anything. I remember thinking, “Why is Mom so weird? Why can’t we just talk as usual? “
This awkward experience actually inspired me to become a sex therapist. I wanted to help other people have conversations about sex that my parents weren’t ready or able to do when I was young.
Don’t follow my parents’ example! You can – and should – talk much more informatively with your children about sex. We’ll be talking about teen sex in the coming weeks, but for now, let’s start by talking to young children.
Start early
Like my mom, most parents wait too late to start talking about sex with their kids. By the time my mom started talking to me about sex, I already knew a lot more than she thought.
You can start talking to your kids about sex as soon as they can strike up a short conversation. In the Parenting section, specific topics are fairly well presented that children can cope with in different age groups. For example, children as young as two can be taught to call their own names for their genitals. At about age three or four, you can start giving simple descriptions of where babies come from. At five or six years old, you can raise your level before babies are born.
Ironically, talking about sex with a two-year-old is less embarrassing than talking about a teenager. If you start early, you will feel like an old pro by the time your child starts asking difficult questions.
Follow their lead
When your children are young, you can often follow their lead when it comes to sex. Children are naturally curious and often blurt out questions without thinking. I will never forget the case when I was sitting with a six-year-old girl, and she asked me: “What is a vanilla?”
You don’t need to talk about STIs or pregnancy prevention just yet, so keep answering the questions that naturally come to mind for your baby. Your immediate reaction may turn out to be red beets (especially if they ask a question in the middle of the grocery store – loudly), but be sure to answer them. This gives your child an important signal that it is okay to ask and talk about sex.
Be informative
Answer your child’s questions about sex in a simple and straightforward manner. You don’t need to go into details with younger children, but you can still give them accurate information. If your son points to his genitals and asks, “What is this?” tell him it’s his penis. No need to come up with silly names or euphemisms.
If your 8-year-old asks how babies are born, don’t talk about storks; tell them that a man inserts his penis into a woman’s vagina and a baby is born from his body and an egg from her body. These types of responses help your child understand that sex is normal, natural, and nothing to be ashamed of.
Do not forget to say at the end: “Is this the answer to your question?” or “Do you have any more questions?” When the conversation is over, say something like, “I’m glad you asked me this. We can talk about it any time you want. “
To be active
Aside from answering questions, you can also find ways to involve sex in conversations. If you have a pregnant friend or family member when you and your baby are alone, tell them, “Today we found out that Sarah is going to have a baby. I want to tell you how babies are born. “
You can also read age-appropriate books together, such as “ This Isn’t a Stork !: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Family, and Friends” (for children ages four to eight) or “ This is so great! , Birth, babies and families (seven to 12 years old). Read them together and ask your child if they have any questions.
Learn healthy boundaries
It is vital for children to understand that their body is theirs and that they can make decisions about what to do with it. Don’t make them hug or kiss people when they don’t want to. Tell them that no one should touch their body without their permission, other than their parents and the doctor.
Talking about boundaries is also a great way to keep your child from inadvertently shaming. Be prepared for an awkward sentence: children masturbate. They don’t think of what they are doing as sexual; they just think they are doing something good. Don’t shame them for this natural behavior; instead, focus on the boundaries. If you notice that your child is masturbating in public, take a deep breath, smile and have fun say something like, “I know this is good, but this is what we do in private, okay?”
Cut yourself some slack
Talking about sex is hard! You won’t always do it right, and that’s okay!
Your child may take you by surprise with questions like, “Why do you have hair there?” and “Do you like daddy’s penis?” If they ever ask a question that you don’t know how to answer, say something like, “You know what, this is a really good question. Can I think about it and give you an answer a little later? “(Of course, make sure you return to them eventually.)
You will also likely have moments when you grab your child’s things, such as pulling off his clothes or asking questions at the wrong time. Give yourself time to cool off and then come back and apologize. Talk about sex in your apology too. For example: “I’m sorry I yelled at you for asking me about asses in front of Mrs Jacobs. I was confused and wrong. I want you to know you can ask me about asses when we’re in our house. Even young children understand an apology.
You will make mistakes, but as long as you continue to make constant efforts to communicate clearly, your children will understand that sex is normal and healthy and should not be misunderstood or embarrassed.