How to Turn Your Baby’s Sleep Into a “quiet Time”
When you are a parent, sleep is the second most anticipated moment of the day. This is an hour (or two, or three if you’re lucky) where you can have lunch, check your email, do a chore or two, and maybe even rest. This is what makes the phrase “take a nap” so terrifying: it means that the day that started at 7 (or 6, or 5, if you’re unlucky) now yawns like the gaping maw of death before bed. There is no way to rest: only you and the baby, covered with homemade slime, quarrel about whether it’s Tuesday.
My oldest son gave up naps by the age of 3. It was a terrible moment because I work from home and am used to having this time to do a little work. It was at this point that I heard that my friend had managed to turn bedtime into a “quiet time” for her two children – a rest period during which the children had to play quietly alone in their double rooms. clock.
I was intrigued that it was okay for my son not to fall asleep (his sleep was starting to interfere with reasonable bedtime anyway), but I felt it would still be helpful for both of us to get some rest after lunch anyway. Plus, baby # 2 was on the way, and I needed him to calm down while the baby slept at noon. But how to do it was a million dollar question. After some trial and error, I can say that four years later I was able to successfully make a quiet pastime a regular part of our day for my 7 and 3 year olds. And my friend Charlotte Smith of House of Charlotte now has five children who have no doubt that a quiet time (and obviously sleeping time for a child) is a must part of their day.
Rebrand Nap
Start calling this “quiet time” even before they quit nap, so that there are no major shifts that might cause resistance. When my son complained about taking a nap, I told him that he could take books and toys into his bed if he didn’t get out of bed. Gradually it turned into a “quiet play in your room, but don’t leave the room.” As the months (and years) passed, he fell asleep less and less. My 3 year old child now falls asleep about once a week during quiet times (sometimes on the floor, still clutching a Lego in one hand).
The practice of careful return
Like a child who jumps out of bed all the time before going to bed, my son often left his room to tell me something or show me something. I would send him back to the room (but neutral, not abrupt) and say, “It’s a quiet time, we can chat at 3.” (This is similar to a “quiet return” in sleep training.) This can go on for a while, so be patient.
Select timers and rewards
The first and my first Charlotte were quite calm, obedient children who liked to play quietly in their rooms. We both had more difficult second children. Charlotte says: “Quiet time was much more difficult for Oliver, he needed more directions, so we brought some visual timers so he knows exactly how long it takes him to sit and be silent.” Charlotte also offers a television as a reward: “If you can play in your room for 30 minutes, you can watch Elmo.” For kids who just can’t adapt to quiet times without rewards, the little Paw Patrol can be a good motivator, and you still have an hour or two for yourself (or looking after younger kids, in Charlotte’s case).
Suggest options
When my son left his room and complained about the silence, I could usually buy a little more time by offering a choice: would you like to spend time in silence in the living room or bedroom? (I go to my room or office.) Something about choosing where he is allows him to win the battle and eliminates complaints. Now that both of my boys are awake, they take turns choosing which of them will be in the living room (preferred place).
I also let them choose whatever they want, within reason, to play during quiet times: fold all the cushions on the bedroom floor, dump all the lax kitchen utensils on the coffee table to simulate play, grab 20 sheets of paper. from the printer for drawing. Charlotte also offers several activities to help them prepare for a couple of hours of quiet play.
Imagine it’s a time of silence for everyone
This is what I learned from reading about picky eating: it is as much about creating a “culture” of your home as it is about winning any single battle. So for dinner, I sometimes serve their favorite dish, and sometimes my favorite. They complain, but they learn that in our house all desires must be taken into account.
For quiet times, I emphasize that I need rest, either on my bed or in my office chair. When they say, “I don’t want to rest,” I say, “you don’t need to rest, you just need to be quiet so that I can rest.” And then I really try to do something quiet – reading or working on the computer, but not watching TV or talking on the phone (or even cleaning the kitchen). When our nanny is on duty, I say, “You have to be calm, so Sarah can have her peace. Everyone needs a break after lunch. ” This is especially effective if I am actually resting – if I lie down with a pillow over my head, they are a little more reluctant to bother me than if I empty kitchen cabinets.
Know that it is easier in some relationships with subsequent children.
If your first child spends time in silence, it will be easier to teach younger children to do this – they will not know that there are other options for an afternoon rest other than quiet time. It helps that my first son has a rather soft temperament, so the transition to him was relatively easy. My second son, although he is more aggressive, models his behavior on his older brother.
Not every day is perfect and interruptions are inevitable
Charlotte says: “Know that some days they will be great and others will not. Children take a long time to learn to calm down, and if they are tired … they may not be able to handle it. Just like when tired babies cannot sleep. “
It is rare that we have a two-hour quiet time when both children are completely relaxed. One will leave his room and rummage in a drawer of silverware for the project; one falls into the toilet; the first one will interrupt me and try to strike up an argument that today is not Tuesday. Even now, four years later, my seven-year-old sometimes asks me, “How much more?” several times (although now he can read and enjoys the silence). A three-year-old child interrupts him for about half an hour during a two-hour quiet time, either for occasional comments, or to help put on the Batman costume, or to help in the restroom. So I really don’t expect to get two hours of complete silence – I just expect to get two hours of relative calm, most days.
We have been working on our Quiet Time project for four years now, and at the moment I need it more than they do, but I am quite convinced that it is useful for all of us. They take a break from stimulating activities, from each other and from me. They have time to look at the books, and they will even get bored. I have time to collect my thoughts after my morning routine and get ready for dinner, even if it’s just grocery shopping or walking around the house. Or argue about whether it’s Tuesday now.