How to Deal With a Coworker Who Doesn’t Dress Properly
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a guy who thinks his co-worker is dressing provocatively and doesn’t like it.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi, Patrick,
I found myself in a situation where I had to tell a colleague that he was not dressed correctly. The situation is that I am a man and she is a woman, and the problem is that sometimes she dresses too nicely (read: inappropriate). It’s not that bad, and it doesn’t happen all the time, but it can be enough for me to say something (especially when we have events with clients). I would like to get the message across to her without embarrassing her, affecting our working relationship, or resorting to corporate / HR BS.
Any ideas?
Confidently confused
Hey confidently confused:
I have one question for you: are you somehow superior to this woman? And to be clear, “taller” doesn’t mean being older or being a man. You say “colleague,” so I’m guessing it isn’t. So, unless you are her professional leader, you have no place to comment on the appropriateness of her outfit at all. Hell, even if she’s a subordinate, it’s still inappropriate to say anything about her appearance.
And I don’t know what exactly you mean when you say “too beautiful, so inappropriate”. You could tell that she dresses too much – like she’s wearing a black tie for a business dinner – but I think you mean too attractive clothes and can’t think of a better way to say that you think she sometimes dresses like a whore. But here’s the thing, ConCon, it’s a matter of your opinion – your opinion – and you’re not the ruling party. For some reason, men think they have the right to tell women how to dress in the workplace, and they don’t. Not only do you assume that what she is doing is unprofessional, but you also feel the urge to handle it on your own instead of going through the right channels! You say all the time that you “have to tell” her and that you “have to say something,” but you don’t, and it will not affect your working relationship in any way if you do. Impudence!
If this is a really big problem for you, ConCon, you need to go through HR . I know you were hoping that I could give you a tactful, smart way to raise a question while avoiding “bullshit”, but this is the only option that doesn’t make you look very bad. If you tell HR and she doesn’t break any dress code rules, it’s too bad. Keep your damn mouth shut. However, if her clothes do not match the dress code, HR has the right to inform her about it. They will do it in private, without embarrassing her, and she won’t even need to know that it was you, which will not affect your working relationship. You know, trying your best to avoid this nonsense, ConCon, you almost ended up in a big pile of it.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY TO OPEN . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.