When to Stop Trying to Win an Argument
Welcome back to Mid-Week Meditations , Lifehacker’s weekly dive into the pool of stoic wisdom and how you can use its waters to meditate and improve your life.
http://lifehacker.com/honesty-is-not-a-tool-for-your-personal-gain-1797680959
This week’s choice is Epictetus. In his Talks, he warns those who seek to change the minds of people deeply rooted in their ways and beliefs:
If a person objects to too obvious truths, it is not easy to find arguments that will change his mind. This is not proof of either his own strength or the weakness of his teacher. When someone gets stuck in an argument, there is nothing more to argue with. Conversations I , 5.1
What does it mean
If you show someone irrefutable facts to support your argument, and they still deny it, there is no point in continuing the discussion. This is not because they have a lot of mental resistance and therefore cannot be easily shaken, and not because their teachers did not once teach them the same facts. This is because they cling to their beliefs and refuse to be wrong, no matter how absurd their position may be – even in their own minds. Reason cannot pierce the armor of a stubborn ignoramus.
http://lifehacker.com/the-definitive-guide-to-winning-an-argument-1693076653
What to take from there
Debate is good, especially when you can practice it with other unbiased people who value reason. But this practice is wasted on arrogant morons who are more concerned with saving face or perpetuating schemes that only benefit themselves. By telling them the facts and telling them that they are wrong, they only warn them about the need to raise their defenses and retreat to their burrows, where they are the king, where they are always right. Even if you “win” the argument with a lot of evidence, you will do nothing to change their mind. So what’s the point?
However, you can redefine what it means to win the argument . If it is a hot topic with heated sentiments, victory may simply mean a peaceful resolution of the conflict. This is sometimes the most important victory of all. Or perhaps you can convince them to give up just one point – the point you care about – and leave them to think about it. In this way, you plant seeds that, over time, can take root for positive change.As the philosopher Daniel H. Cohen says , stop seeing arguments as war. No one wins a war, especially when the other side stops listening.
http://lifehacker.com/can-rational-arguments-actually-change-peoples-minds-1590008558