What You Don’t Need at a Wedding
By law, all you need for a wedding is to visit the county clerk’s office and whatever else your local government requires. (Check here.) Anything else is optional. Of course, some things are more optional than others.
Most weddings these days skip the garter; many skip bridesmaids and grooms, and some even skip flowers. The important thing is that you choose the right elements that will make you and your guests happy.
Gift register
Many couples skip registering gifts because they don’t leave their parent’s home without a penny in their name . But more traditional (i.e. older) wedding guests will still want to give you something.
In your invitations, point out that gifts are not expected, but give some advice to those who insist that you do not receive something both expensive and unwanted. A tiny inventory of mid-priced items will make it clear that gifts are truly optional.
Everyone you ever knew
If you don’t really want someone at the wedding, don’t invite them out of commitment or guilt. There’s a good chance they’ll feel relieved that they don’t need to come.
Even at a big wedding, you will have to trim your list. Lifehacker has some great shortcuts for choosing who to cut . For example, don’t invite anyone you don’t invite to dinner.
Bridesmaids and grooms
There is a good chance that you are already missing them. And your friends will probably be happy to know that they don’t have to buy matching dresses or any of the weird things that grooms do. But assign responsibilities to one or two friends, such as holding a bouquet, helping with makeup, and putting together a playlist for receptions.
Bachelor / Ette Parties
It is equally obvious that you don’t have to do traditional rage with penis or strippers. I personally recommend a small group of close friends – those who would be at your wedding – to do something that you already enjoy. And feel free to organize your own. For example, my friends and I got carried away with the game Dungeons & Dragons.
Consider a party together. If you’re having a small wedding, this might be your chance to celebrate more friends, even if you can’t fit them into the ceremony and reception. It’s also a great choice for couples who share a group of friends.
All this also applies to the bridal shower.
Priest
If you are not religious, who are you marrying? Theoretically, anyone. The American Marriage Ministries is a church solely based on the freedom of all people to marry, “regardless of race, sexual identity, nationality, socioeconomic status, or religious background.” Click on your state and AMM will tell you how to get ordained for a formal wedding.
You may need an authority or mentor from your life. Two of my friends married their former professor; my wife and I were married by a close friend. Make an appointment with your chosen official to explain what you want and expect from the ceremony.
Some states allow other unnamed officials without, for example, a judge, member of state Congress, mayor, or notary. In Maine, even lawyers do it. Check your state regulations.
Or maybe you just want to hire someone. Search on WeddingWire or The Knot , where officials can cost anywhere from $ 100 to $ 1,000.
Long ceremony
The waiter has to prepare a few words and you have to say your vows out loud, but nothing else is necessary. You don’t need songs, poems, or speeches. Since our minister was a longtime friend of my wife, my closest friend gave a short speech. Our ceremony took about fifteen minutes.
Assigned seats
At the front desk, try to arrange guests according to tables, but not to specific seats. You will save a lot of planning time and give your guests some freedom, but also save them from having to find and collect all their friends.
If your wedding party is small and you want to serve a buffet dinner or cocktail, you can ignore the designated seating entirely. This is especially useful when many of your members have overlapping groups of friends.
If you’re just making small plates and passing canapes, you don’t even need as many seats as you have guests, which can save you space and money. According to New York City wedding planner Amanda O’Callaghan , you still need 100% seating for the buffet as everyone will sit down with their loaded dinner plates right away.
Even if you have outdoor seating, please advise wedding planners at Significant Events of Texas to reserve a table for their wedding party if they come in after other guests.
Singles table
Seating all the single people at the same reception table is awkward and, frankly, exhilarating for a wedding couple. The Knot recommends balancing singles and couples at the tables, making sure that the lone participant is not surrounded by couples.
Servers
Cut down on waiters by going into buffet mode. Don’t pay waiters to take orders for drinks; A bartender is a lot, ”says Rick Webb, author of Man Nup: A Groom’s Guide to Heroic Wedding Planning . Your guests will be able to order drinks on their own.
Alcohol
If you are uncomfortable drinking, you should not drink your guests. Guests who usually drink will experience the stress of a dry wedding, but they will survive. Just warn them ahead of time. The Knot invites you to stay interesting with non-alcoholic cocktails and fun food options . Non-alcoholic cocktails are especially useful for friends hiding in a flask.
Unless you’re having a very quick and casual wedding, the checkout bar is unpleasant. If you are trying to save money, consider other options. Inside Weddings recommends finding a place that allows you (or your guests) to bring alcohol with you , or organizing a wedding brunch where people will naturally drink less.
Cake
“I threw away so much uneaten cake,” says wedding planner O’Callaghan. “Couples prefer less traditional desserts such as pudding, donuts and tarts.” If your establishment allows, give dessert to one of your favorite ice cream parlors or bakery; My wife and I hired a food van at New York Wafels & Dinges .
DJ
Good DJs can adapt to any audience, find lesser-known jams, and provide extra entertainment. This is not necessary at a wedding. You know what you like, and more importantly, you know what you don’t like.
Make four playlists: Ceremony, Dinner, Dancing, and Last Song. Overflow your playlists with techniques and dances just in case. Download them all to your laptop or iPad (Spotify allows you to download playlists locally).
Put a friend (or another friend) in charge of the lines and include them in the rehearsal. When it’s time to end the night, play the last song.
If you have a DJ or band, be sure to ban all bad songs .
Bouquet and garter
The bouquet toss is cute, but if you feel disgusting implying that all your single friends are dying to get married too, skip it.
A garter toss (when a groom takes a garter out from under a bride’s dress in front of everyone and then tosses it to single men) looks odd. No one but creepy uncles expects you to do this.
A fragment in which the guy who caught the garter puts it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet, … well, I’ve already used up “disgusting” and “creepy”. Don’t do this if each of your friends really doesn’t want to. Otherwise, you could potentially get the woman to let a stranger grope her leg.
Flowers
Unless the place is ugly, flowers aren’t really needed. And that’s great, because as soon as you say “wedding” to a flower owner, his prices magically go up.
Saturday wedding
Friday weddings are a lot cheaper, and you can still throw a Saturday morning celebration without taking away the entire weekend from your guests. But check out all the guests who have to travel and get a feel for whether they feel comfortable skipping a day of work or school so you can have a cheap wedding.
Sunday weddings are fine too, but try to take your time to ease everyone’s Monday hangover.
Complete confidence in the photographer
If you are not running away, you should think carefully before letting in a professional photographer. But you should not rely only on them:
Choose a hashtag
Wedding hashtags may sound silly, but they are incredibly useful. Even the best hired photographer can’t capture all the good moments, and your photos won’t be ready for days or weeks. You will want to see Instagram snapshots of all your guests. Give them a hashtag so you (and they) can see everything in one place.
Choose a simple, catchy hashtag. Don’t get too smart; you can simply combine both of your last names. Make sure your tag is unique so you don’t view every Instagram photo tagged with #SmithWedding.
Place your tag in the invitation and display it at the wedding program, sign or banner with the word Etsy .
Ask a guest
If you are having a very small ceremony and reception, you can ask the guest to be your photographer. Give them detailed instructions, including a list of pictures, and ask them to photograph only certain parts of the event. Find a generous way to thank them for this great service and remember that they are the guest first.
Mason banks
This is the most time consuming way to show that you are low on maintenance. Do you want to look calm and welcoming? Serve wine in coffee mugs. Yeah, I didn’t think so.
In short, everything is optional at a wedding, but each choice influences the others. Your wedding doesn’t have to be the most important day of your life, but it is your best chance to get all of your loved ones to join you for one big party. By skipping things that don’t matter to you, you can devote more time to things that matter to you.