How to Reply to Random Text From a Toxic Ex

As you know, if you’ve ever broken up with one of them, your exposure to a toxic person can outlive the time they actually have in your life for a long time. Especially bad relationships can lead to trauma, distrust of future relationships, and serious emotional scars. Toxic people can somehow find a way to get to you even when they are not around, and sometimes they do it on purpose.

If a bad ex throws you a text seemingly out of nowhere, it can feel intimidating or overwhelming. Here are some tips to help you get through it.

Don’t get hung up on this

Maybe your ex hurt you seriously or was just a pain in the ass, but don’t trust him more than they deserve. You are probably not dealing with a manipulative super genius; do not immediately assume that this text is some kind of psychological operation designed to cause maximum damage. This gives them more power, even if none of you know about it.

“When my ex texts me, it’s completely unexpected,” said one Canadian woman, who asked not to be named. “It’s always like, ‘What happened? “Or:” Are you not at home? ” “

Have a “What’s up?” sounds like a brilliant pun of the cunning mega-mind to you? Or as simple shooting at an ignorant, horny man? Do not do it more than it is unless there is a reason for it.

“I’m always wondering what he wants,” our Canadian woman said, “but I usually ignore him. If I answer, I want to ask what made him write to me at that time. ” Let’s take a look at this.

Answer carefully

Only you know how the breakup happened, so how you feel the moment you receive this text depends on many factors, such as what happened, how long it has been since you broke up, and how you you live at this time. …

Your answer can be anything. You can insult them, you can be nice but detached, or you can ask them to chat. Take time to think about what you want to say. If they weren’t defaulter or fear, maybe you miss them and welcome the opportunity to reconnect, but don’t let the loneliness cloud your memories of how they are in real life. If they treated you badly, don’t do it, no matter how much you hate sleeping alone.

Be careful when responding with vitriol. It can be catharsis to give them business – and they might really deserve it – but don’t accept the negativity or let them know they’ve got you. You also may not want screenshots of your screed being shared with your group of friends. Don’t let them embarrass you, even if it would be great to tell them that they are a piece of shit. You don’t have to answer spitefully to make them think that you are doing much better than theirs; they obviously already know that you are doing well.

If they seem to offer an opportunity to talk and you think you need that closure, act intuitively. Sometimes closing is great. Other times, the meeting can hurt you again. Only you know if you are ready for this, so use common sense. Ask clearly, “What made you lend a helping hand, and what do you hope to get out of it? I’m doing well, and I hope you are too. I don’t think we need more discussion, but am I missing something? “

You don’t even need to answer right away. You can give yourself a little time to get over the initial shock of their name and really think about what you want to do. Your first reaction, be it cursing or fleeing to them, may not always be the best choice in the end. You don’t have to react to them instantly, but you have to do what is best for you.

Wait until you have a chance to think, keep a journal, discuss this with friends who better remember what your life was like when you were with this person, or even consult with your therapist. If you’d like, send a text that says something like “Hello. I have received your message and am considering how to respond. You’ve really hurt me before and I want to make sure I’m protecting my world, but if I feel like I can do it and communicate with you, I’ll be back. I hope you all are well. Thank you for your patience. “

Your ex needs to understand that you need time to process this rebirth in your life – or at least on your phone – but if they don’t, and they start double or triple text messages to you, demanding that you connect. with them …

Block them if needed

You can block them. You can and should if you think it suits you.

If this person is offended with you, block him when he writes to you. If they bother you now that you’ve spent some time apart and you’re better off without them, block them. If they haven’t even texted you yet, but the thought that they fill you with fear, block them. Don’t forget about social media too. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, LinkedIn – block them in all these cases.

Nobody has the right to invade your world. After a breakup, you work hard to rebuild your life and become stronger on the other side. If a sudden message from someone threatens everything you’ve built, you have more than just the power to stop it – you have a right to it. Protect yourself, especially after the person has already proven that they won’t.