How to Handle Your Parents’ Belongings When They Die
Cleaning a loved one’s home after they die is a triple suffering: a series of activities that can be emotionally, physically, and financially overwhelming. And what makes this task even more difficult is that it is difficult to know where to start – if you throw out the beds first and then have nowhere to sleep while you work? Ditching pots and pans and relying on takeout food all the time? Decisions about what to keep, donate, recycle, throw away, or sell can be lengthy and frustrating, especially when it comes to items that were treasures to your parents but not to you: throw away original art, religious items, or items. religious purpose seems to be a sin. someone’s favorite figurine collection to landfill … what else are you going to do with it?
Fortunately, there are people who will hold your hand every step of the way – professionals who specialize in bereavement clean-up or the long and strenuous job of emptying a loved one’s home after their death. I spoke with a couple of experts on the subject about the steps you need to take to disassemble and dispose of your family members’ belongings after they die.
1. Look at the will
It sounds obvious, but read your will, ”says Matt Paxton of Legacy Navigator , a company that helps families clean up the estate. “A will is not an opinion, it is a fact. You can’t keep the piano just because you need it, even if you do all the work. “
2. Contact a real estate lawyer and accountant.
Hopefully your parent already has a real estate lawyer and accountant. If not, ask for local recommendations. (This must be someone from your parent’s staff.) If you are a real estate lawyer, you will need to talk to a real estate attorney and file your property tax return. An accountant can help with this. When cleaning up, keep an inventory of everything of value, and if you expect a will to be challenged, keep a fairly detailed inventory. (A real estate lawyer can advise you on this.)
3. Set a realistic timeline.
Paxton says his company estimates that one person can wash one cubic yard (about the same as a dishwasher costs) an hour. This means that you and one helper can handle about 16 cubic yards per day. Use this math to estimate your time and the amount of help you need. Go to the big store for the contractor’s bags and cardboard boxes. You will probably have to go a couple of times when you realize how many things are there.
4. Select a room
Deborah Goldstein , a professional organizer who specializes in bereavement pickers and clean-ups, recommends moving from one room to the next rather than tackling the whole house at once. “You get a better sense of accomplishment when you see one room really cleaned up.” She suggests starting with a room that contains mostly trash, such as an attic, basement, or garage. “There is less emotional attachment to these spaces. Here most people can make simple decisions – there are many things that don’t have sentimental value. “
5. Make piles
Along the way, make four piles or intermediate platforms: one for things you need to send in the trash, one for donations / reclamation, one for sale (if you so wish), and one for storage. “As you walk through each room, you get rid of garbage and put aside things to think about. Most people start out with a lot of things in a bunch of ‘things to think about’, but they come back and make different edits as they go, ”Goldstein says. A bereavement cleaner like Goldstein or Paxton or a local auctioneer can help you assess if there is anything worth selling.
5.5. (Maybe stay at the hotel)
Staying in the house you clean can be emotionally exhausting, especially if your relationship with the deceased was not ideal. “If it was a really toxic relationship, I think the hotel was worth it,” Goldstein says, although, of course, notes that this decision depends not only on your finances, but also on the condition of the house.
6. Draw straws and show and tell hourly
If, before the parents die, it is unclear to whom and what items are removed from the house, Paxton says, “literally draw a straw to determine who will pick the item first.” He recommends that if you are working with assistants, work together in the same room at the same time – this minimizes the suspicion that someone might be appropriating something – and set aside a few minutes every hour to show others what what you found and tell you a little story about it. Otherwise, you pick up objects, remember and put them back in place. “If you don’t save your history [at the specified time per hour], you will never clear.”
7. Tap All. Literally everything
Everyone I spoke to emphasized that you have to check every pocket, every filing cabinet, every sock of every shoe to find money spent and valuables. “I found diamond rings, keys to safes, cash,” Goldstein says. Paxton says, “Check all pockets, check every medicine bottle, check the freezer, check the toilet cistern. We find a lot of money . ” His company will even install a metal detector in their backyard.
8. Work with documents on the go
If you’re lucky, your parents were organized and had all their inheritance planning ready before they died, and these documents are neatly filed. But no matter what, you will be processing every sheet of paper in the house. Goldstein recommends that you set aside one wall or space for your paperwork and hide it there while you clean the rooms. Create piles by category.
9. If you are a performer, file what you need to settle the inheritance.
Regina Kiperman , a real estate planning attorney based in New York City, suggests getting as many copies of death certificates as there are settlement accounts. (Paxton says 20, but since they cost money you can try to be more accurate in your estimate.)
Then, during cleaning, you need to keep birth certificates, social security cards, military records (if survivors may be eligible for benefits), recent bank statements, medical and pharmaceutical bills, any stock or bond certificates, annuities and life insurance. … politicians. Goldstein says, “You can cut that down to two portable file boxes.” Destroy everything else if it contains identifiable information. Monitor your email over the next tax season to see if 1099 statements or messages are coming in that you weren’t aware of. If you are unsure of how to handle computers or Internet accounts — for example, you don’t have passwords — ask a real estate lawyer for advice on how to proceed.
10. Put things away
Paxton says his company usually donates to local charities, such as those that provide clothing for people leaving prison, more than they donate to the Goodwill or The Salvation Army, but large charities sometimes take out furniture if it’s in good condition. condition. For auctions, he uses everything except the house . To move large items, either Paxton’s company picks up the trash or, if he doesn’t have a local team, he works with 1-800-Got-Junk or Junk King . If you need local help and / or advice, you can Google “house cleaning + your city” for businesses that specialize in this type of work.
And relax with yourself. These are emotionally stressful times, especially if you are dealing with siblings or other family members. “Try to understand your brothers and sisters,” Paxton says. “And at the end of the day, it’s just nonsense. Don’t lose your family over this. I’ve seen families fall apart because of the Beanie Babies. ” He pauses. “Oh, and one more thing: Beanie Babies are worth nothing.”